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Unsure if BPD, and have been for some time now. Help?

W

woefuldoe

New member
Joined
Nov 14, 2014
Messages
2
Hi guys,
I haven't had a formal diagnosis thus far, and because I'm only 18 - doctors are reluctant to diagnose.
I currently suffer from depression and am on Zoloft for it, I responded well to it although in the first week I was manic. I am coming off it as I really don't like the side effects, - now on 10mg and I am going back to 'normal' - aka, totally erratic and over emotional.
Now to the symptoms:

I have not yet had a relationship where I didn't cheat on my partner. I am disgustingly difficult to be with, severe idealisation/devaluation constantly, completely unpredictable and often contemplate suicide when a partner is late for seeing me, cancels or flirts with someone else. I sexualise myself constantly, my sexual identity is incredibly important. I fantasize about having sex with strangers, men and women, manipulating them into love with me and then to leave as if I was never there. I often threaten my boyfriends with suicide.
I have suffered with severe identity issues since I was little. I had an existential crisis at 13. I have had numerous physical images, ways of speaking, ways of thinking. It changes monthly. This impacts on my relationships - since I am so unstable, when I feel like someone has got to know me properly, I want to leave. I want to run away/move country. Because that puts me in a box, I can no longer change. I contemplate changing myself even more. I am utterly empty and constantly bored.
I am impulsive, but not to extremes. This is what makes me think I don't have BPD. I suffered from severe health anxiety in the past and so tend to be very cautious about how I act, except when I am depressed I have urges to play in traffic etc. I do binge eat sometimes but not badly. The same with self harm.
I have uncontrollable mood swings, severe irritability, mania, changes in the way I think, rapidity of thoughts, almost like a psychosis (I have experienced before, after using drugs).
I have intense anger which has caused me to smash up objects in my home, childlike tantrums monthly, urges to hurt others etc.
I was close to my dad briefly, even though he left my mum, but we lost contact for years and now we have a cold, emotionless relationship.
I have relatives with schizophrenia, also.
Is there any chance that somedays you can feel more 'borderline' than others? More sensitive or crazy?

Would appreciate literally any feedback!
Thanks guys.
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 22, 2013
Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
Hi guys,
I haven't had a formal diagnosis thus far, and because I'm only 18 - doctors are reluctant to diagnose.
I currently suffer from depression and am on Zoloft for it, I responded well to it although in the first week I was manic. I am coming off it as I really don't like the side effects, - now on 10mg and I am going back to 'normal' - aka, totally erratic and over emotional.
Now to the symptoms:

I have not yet had a relationship where I didn't cheat on my partner. I am disgustingly difficult to be with, severe idealisation/devaluation constantly, completely unpredictable and often contemplate suicide when a partner is late for seeing me, cancels or flirts with someone else. I sexualise myself constantly, my sexual identity is incredibly important. I fantasize about having sex with strangers, men and women, manipulating them into love with me and then to leave as if I was never there. I often threaten my boyfriends with suicide.
I have suffered with severe identity issues since I was little. I had an existential crisis at 13. I have had numerous physical images, ways of speaking, ways of thinking. It changes monthly. This impacts on my relationships - since I am so unstable, when I feel like someone has got to know me properly, I want to leave. I want to run away/move country. Because that puts me in a box, I can no longer change. I contemplate changing myself even more. I am utterly empty and constantly bored.
I am impulsive, but not to extremes. This is what makes me think I don't have BPD. I suffered from severe health anxiety in the past and so tend to be very cautious about how I act, except when I am depressed I have urges to play in traffic etc. I do binge eat sometimes but not badly. The same with self harm.
I have uncontrollable mood swings, severe irritability, mania, changes in the way I think, rapidity of thoughts, almost like a psychosis (I have experienced before, after using drugs).
I have intense anger which has caused me to smash up objects in my home, childlike tantrums monthly, urges to hurt others etc.
I was close to my dad briefly, even though he left my mum, but we lost contact for years and now we have a cold, emotionless relationship.
I have relatives with schizophrenia, also.
Is there any chance that somedays you can feel more 'borderline' than others? More sensitive or crazy?

Would appreciate literally any feedback!
Thanks guys.
Okay, sounds like BPD! It is quite a headfuck but you CAN get on top of it, I wish I had gone through this at 18.

I wouldn't become too obsessed with a checklist of symptoms, you are who you are. I have BPD and the best advice I could give you is to accept and be compassionate to YOURSELF and try to be helpful not hurtful to others. Plus get as much professional support as you can but remember that you are YOU, not an illness and you will and would have always been the same.

After all as they tell you if you are diagnosed, everyone is a little bit BPD :)
Good luck
Davey x
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,529
Location
The West Country
Is there any chance that somedays you can feel more 'borderline' than others? More sensitive or crazy?
Yes!
Always dancing under and over the borderline. Unfortunately, that's possibly the most significant of the criteria and the cruellest - you never know where you are.
The impulsivity is something i've discussed with a psychiatrist before and it's a huge grey area, to put it simply.

It sounds like you could possibly have BPD, yes.
Are you being referred to the adult mental health team, then? Or have you already been?

To be honest, I only got my label when I was in a crisis.. whether or not that's an ethical or sensible time to diagnose someone, who knows.. but my point is even when you are over 18 there's not always a clear diagnosis given. x
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
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Messages
13,529
Location
The West Country
What does borderline mean exactly, anyone know?
Back in the old days, it meant on the borderline of psychosis and neurosis, meaning you had traits of both.
That's not really accepted any more, which is why these days (well, at least in the European way of diagnosing rather than the US way) it's called "Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder".

I don't know which I find worse, to be honest. I wish it got a different name completely! x
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 22, 2013
Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
Back in the old days, it meant on the borderline of psychosis and neurosis, meaning you had traits of both.
That's not really accepted any more, which is why these days (well, at least in the European way of diagnosing rather than the US way) it's called "Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder".

I don't know which I find worse, to be honest. I wish it got a different name completely! x
Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder

They all sound flippin' HORRIFIC!! They did to me anyway when I got that stamped on my head with the BP.

Personally I prefer 'All round handsome, sweet and lovely personality disorder'!
 
V

voyager

Guest
Thanks for the explanation Scorp, I was diagnosed with it once, I was at a very bad stage. I was all over the place, I didn't know who I was. I thought this might be an explanation, in that I didn't know who I was. I still feel as though there isn't a "me" I look for validation through other people. I think it's because my mum didn't really accept me as a person. I used to do lots to please her so that she would love and accept me. It's as though there has never been a me.
 
T

Tiddle

Guest
You mention that Zoloft made you manic? When someone takes an antidepressant and they go manic it is a possible sign of bipolar
 
T

Tiddle

Guest
Think that's the argument that the professionals have! Been lots written about it
 

cpuusage

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Messages
37,634
Location
Planet Lunatic Asylum
Think that's the argument that the professionals have! Been lots written about it
Depends which professional opinion you go with? The drug companies/biomedical psychiatry certainly blame brain disease/illness, & recommend another label & more drugs - it's more profits.
 
T

Tiddle

Guest
I don't fall on either side - it's just another aspect for the op to think about but then they have their own doctors to work it out for them and hopefully provide the right treatment for the symptoms
 
D

drew12568

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Joined
Nov 30, 2014
Messages
1
I get mad at my girlfriend she over black me get a back my girlfriend a boyfriends tow b a good man and the woman good to a boyfriends can YOU help me out
 
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