?? unsure and v.down.

R

rain and roses

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#1
i am posting in this section because i dont know where else to post. last time i went to my psychiatrist he said that i had personality disorder but i dont really feel kind of round to it yet so i dont want to post in personality disorder section besides which its one of those not otherwise specified deals as opose to being one, he said mixed type. and the general pd section seems really quiet compared to bpd section and i'd feel weird posting in that bit because not bpd. any hoo i anm rambling.

i am feeling very upset today. i just cant seem to not be sad. i didnt sleep well last night, i am so tired, i am lonely and i still cant get my head round pd thing it just makes me feel like a failure as a person, like i have been trying for a while to get my head round it but i just cant i feel weird about it and sometimes i'm fine about it and then other days i feel awful and pointless and i feel pathetic for making a big deal about it, i mean i doubt it even matters does it, its not that important its not like i just got told i'm dying surely its not a big deal but it feels like it. dont know. lonely and sad and feel like crap. really want to s/h but might not i dont know. feel just a bit discombobulated and depressed.

sorry this is such a long stupid post
 
amathus

amathus

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#2
Hi there, sorry to hear you feel so down...can you do something to calm yourself and maybe cheer you up a little?..
listen to some music, or have a relaxing bath...

I remember the feeling a failure thing when first diagnosed with bpd, it all came as such a shock...first of all you are not a failure.
It takes time but that feeling will begin to fade if you allow it to.

Try to avoid SH if you can, I know sometimes its a big ask. It doesn't really solve the problem and may only give you temporary relief... I've been there myself.

Loneliness is a difficult one, for the time being keep posting and let us know how you are, there's people on here who care...

Be safe,:hug:

qf.
 
calypso

calypso

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#3
Hiya

I think its a bit out of order for the pdoc to say PD and not explain, not help you understand where he got this idea from, and not engage you in your own treatment. I am living in Lancashire, and here they make a point of engaging us in our own MH treatment and help available. The way you describe it, it does sound a bit dismissive. I would look up PD on wikipaedia, there are loads, and ask your self, am I like this one or that one. If not, challenge the diagnosis. If you have BPD, then there are all kinds of therapy available. I don't know much about any other kind. You certainly don't have antisocial one, or you wouldn't be crying and so upset.

I totally get where you are coming from. I think another urgent appt is needed and someone to come with you as an advocate, and challenge him/her to explain his logic and what help he advocates. I get so angry when I read people are given a label then told to get on with it!

I think a little anger might not go amiss here. All the best xx
 
RedRoseBeauty

RedRoseBeauty

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#4
Have they said which personality disorders you have?
If they have you could look them up on the web, I know I've looked up paranoid personality disorder numerous times because it just explains me so well.
I think it would be beneficial for you to do this & also talk to your pdoc again!

Sorry to hear your are feeling so low but I think it's the lack of information you where given that has made it harder for you.
Chin up love :)
 
R

rain and roses

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#5
he did explain to me why he thought pd but he didnt say which ones he just said mixed type and i am waiting for him to send me some information he said he would send and i will be seeing him again soon anyway. i'll try and get more info from him them. i want him to explain more and the thing is i see the rotating consultant psychs so ive seen a few different ones and it is only this one that even asked me if i had any questions and he was really shocked that no one of the others had told me anything and he went about half hour over time explaining best he could but there wasnt enough time for me to ask everything.

its just a bit hard to get my head round stuff.

i feel just really unsure and really sad and i think its all my fault. someone saying your depressed is something outside you and its external and feels like it can be fought i supose but pd its internal, how can i do anything with that. how am i suppose to fight myself? or change something that as pervasive as ones personality? how am i even supposed to understand that basically i'm my own worst enemy its all my fault. i just feel like crap.
 
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