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Unsure about how "open" to be at work

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Brady1985

New member
Joined
Nov 9, 2018
Messages
3
Afternoon all,

I'm posting to ask, or get a gauge on how wise it'd be to open up about certain parts of my mental health.

I'm recently promoted into a job, my boss is great and supportive of my progression. Work has known for a while I get mad levels of anxiety, and my confidence is in bits.

The past couple of years I've been slowly opening up - you know the relief when you expect the pariah treatment, but instead get understanding and everything seems to be a bit easier. It's proving addictive though I still struggle to open up.

I have a 1-2-1 meeting with him coming up. I know amongst it all I'll get the talk on being more chatty, not so quiet and shy. I know that my colleagues see it as rather rude I don't get stuck in to conversations with them all, and I feel very rude for making them feel this way.

Thing is, after years of hearing sniping comments, derisive sniggering and character-assassinating headshots, it's autopilot to not react when others in the vicinity are talking. For most of my life I've had to weigh up - is it worth it? The amount of times I've reacted to something that wasn't said is crazy, I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Most of my life if you guys are chatting nearby, I keep myself to myself and focus on the reality that you guys can't possibly know a lot of what I'm hearing you laugh at me for. Guess it started as self defence.

I don't get angry, I don't want to lash out, nothing living or inanimate is at risk, it just gets me really down.

How wise is it to share this with my boss? I could do my usual "oh hmm yes, you know I'm shy, you know how I am, I'll try being less shy" etc. But I'm wondering lately if this might be one of those things that's best out in the open - if only so my colleagues know I'm not aloof, arrogant, rude, whatever.

Any experiences? I'm in UK, not sure if this makes a difference, though other things I've asked about in the past has given me the idea that UK is a bit more easygoing and friendly in the workplace than say US, where everyone says for sure openess just paints a target on your back.

I'm a network engineer, my boss is lovely, I'm just not sure if "hearing things" is a bit too much to share.

Apologies for the essay, I don't know how else to convey my situation.

Thanks for any tips

John
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,385
Location
basketville
The thing about being open is that if not careful you might regret what you say. Reg the work colleagues- now you did want some tips eeek anyway deep breath ….

Regarding the conversations you are overhearing best be careful what you say to the boss unless they are bullying you or implying that you are doing something that would give you the sack. Yeah its unpleasant. Firstly you would need to say something to these work colleagues and then maybe the boss otherwise you maybe seen as ‘running to the boss’

the thing about people being in a clique is that there will always be the leader and the enablers some of which just go along with it but havent the guts to say otherwise.
 
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Brady1985

New member
Joined
Nov 9, 2018
Messages
3
Thanks. They aren't saying anything at all. Like I said, I hear things. They're good people, I was wondering if being open would be a way to break the wall down. Or at least let them see it's not just me being rude.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,385
Location
basketville
ah but if they arent actually saying things then i dont think it would be helpful.
 
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Brady1985

New member
Joined
Nov 9, 2018
Messages
3
I reckon you're right, I sort of knew it was too much. Just finding my new openess about my problems can be unwieldy as well as addictive. Need to work on my filter!
Cheers mate
 
T

Tabby 88

Guest
I would tell as little as possible. Even fit notes don't have to give details anymore 'as per your condition' can be written.
 
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