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Unstable Sense of Self

Narutaku

Narutaku

Active member
Joined
Jun 5, 2017
Messages
31
Not sure I have BPD, but have quite a bit of the symptoms. Most extreme seems to be that my sense of self is extremely unstable. It's like I need to attach my identity constantly to things and/or cater to whatever I think other people want me to be or else I don't really know how to interact. Now this has lessened in recent years especially those more self destructive sides where I would do anything to align myself with an ideal or simply gain someones approval. Rejection or abandonment always hits me like a cold dagger through the heart and can cripple me with agonizing insecurity, anger and anxiety for long periods of time. Even though I've come a long way in the last few years navigating even the most basic human interactions can be quite the rollercoaster for me. Embarrassment, anger and insecurity seem to pop up a bit more than what I would say is within the norm.
 
lonelyclove

lonelyclove

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2020
Messages
192
Location
south europe
i have the exact same problem. i also dissociate a lot due to this and imagine a lot of bad things from fears and trying to get grasp of whats really 'real' who i really 'am' why things happened that why.. etc its really painful
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,515
Are you currently in therapy? It will help you untangle all of these emotions.
 
Narutaku

Narutaku

Active member
Joined
Jun 5, 2017
Messages
31
i have the exact same problem. i also dissociate a lot due to this and imagine a lot of bad things from fears and trying to get grasp of whats really 'real' who i really 'am' why things happened that why.. etc its really painful
Ya like I know what’s real and what not but sometimes I get so Wrapped up in fantasy or paranoia to the point where I’ve disaccociated from what I know is reality. I cannot come to grips with or understand my own identity so I need to just attach myself to someone or something that I can identify with in order to give me any actual understanding of my feelings. Think it’s just a rlly fucked up coping mechanism...
 
Narutaku

Narutaku

Active member
Joined
Jun 5, 2017
Messages
31
Are you currently in therapy? It will help you untangle all of these emotions.
No because the people around me who are in charge of my finances don’t see my mental health as something important as long as I “have good grades and stay out of trouble”. I feel like Idk how I could get across to anyone how much I’m suffering without hurting myself or destroying my life. People just say I’m lucky because I’m a white male and should just shut up.
 
lonelyclove

lonelyclove

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2020
Messages
192
Location
south europe
I cannot come to grips with or understand my own identity so I need to just attach myself to someone or something that I can identify with in order to give me any actual understanding of my feelings. Think it’s just a rlly fucked up coping mechanism...
i have never known diferent.. :/ i thought everyone did it..
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,515
No because the people around me who are in charge of my finances don’t see my mental health as something important as long as I “have good grades and stay out of trouble”. I feel like Idk how I could get across to anyone how much I’m suffering without hurting myself or destroying my life. People just say I’m lucky because I’m a white male and should just shut up.
Do any reading you can on mindfulness, it helps give some control back. You can also try meditation ... there’s a free app called Headspace that gives you ten free repeatable sessions.

The key is to try to start to identify emotions as they arrive ... angry, sad, happy ... then trace back where they are coming from, which can often be complicated to do. That simple step of taking a moment to puzzle out the why is often enough to defuse and refocus your mind.
 
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