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University Decision

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nevaeh

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2008
Messages
21
Hi everyone

I just need a bit of advice I suffer from depression since a psychotic episode last year . Alot of the time I spend wishing it never happened. My dilemma is this I have become quite a bit of a recluse and a bit agoraphobic since I have been taunted by people because I brokedown in public. My dilemma is this I start uni in September I will be going into the second year at a new uni away from home which I am very very anxious about I am also quite nervous as alot of the people in my class will already know each other . I am also afraid as my academic ability seems to have gone downhill and my conversational skills I feel stupid its very hard for me to strike up a conversation I dont have anything interesting to say my mind is constantly going over my past. I will get alot of help as my uni are aware that I have mental health difficulties but I am still very nervous I really don't want any grief at my new uni sometimes I wish I could just disappear.

Most of the time the only thing I desire is death. My parents are excited for me to be returning to Uni I wish I felt the same but I don't . I can barely get out of bed some days. Thank God I work at home so I don't have to face any one , equally I don't have any friends at my family home so I don't really have any social contact other than with my parents. I don't really have a life at home and just spend my days mulling over my failures and mistakes.

So I am hoping that Uni will fill my days and give me some sort of focus again I will be studying psychology which is pretty ironic I guess, I want to work in the mental health field after my experience I want to help others. To be kind to those who are suffering but it just seems such a long way away to the finish line especially as I have forgotten most of my first year work and my memory is pants plus the dull dank empty feeling of depression that hangs over my spirit doesn't make it any easier. I feel like I have fallen into a pit and I can't get out.

I have put on alot of weight because of Olanzapine and mostly don't even care what I look like anymore.I feel disgusted over my past whats more I have been called alot of names in my area. I have become a Christian now but I don't feel healed... I don't feel anything.... I feel caught between a rock and a hard place i know I cannot live the rest of my life like this stuck at home no interaction. But equally I don't see how I am ever going to have a normal life ... I no longer desire worldly things it doesnot matter to me what job I am doing I am happy doing the job I am doing now from home, or if i have a car or a house and all of those things.... I guess I just want to know what you think .........Am I wasting my time going to uni this september will I even succeed any advice would be very helpful sorry this is so long................. :(
 
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Dollit

Guest
Well life seems a bit daunting at the best of times and you're talking of a lot of changes and you've not got back on an even keel from your depression, you are still showing the symptoms of depression.

Give yourself an even break by just focussing on whatever is on hand. Don't project into what happens when you finish the course or this particular piece of work. Make it know that you're not much of a chatterer but that you like company - then you don't have to do much chatting.

Talk to us every step of the way if you need to - that's what the forum is for. I have a friend who finished uni about 6 years ago and he said that apart from one or two people he never made a big bunch of friends and he is the sort of person that people gravitate towards.
 
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jamesdean

Guest
Hi nevaeh my understanding from the things that have been presented @ some of the groups that I go to: there are a lot of support net works @ uni's I hope that you find this to be true, good luck james
 
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Twylight

Guest
Hi Nevaeh, which UNI course would you be studying ?
I think keeping the mind occupied is important
I take Olanzepine, it has a very calming effect and it's a constant fight motivatin' myself to do stuff, but it does get better with time..
 
Hazard

Hazard

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2008
Messages
63
Location
Birmingham/Flintshire
Hey

I know it feels now as though you won't benefit from uni, but one day in the future (which I understand seems a ridiculously long way away) you might just need that level of education. Especially if you want to work with others with problems - I think it's a very brave thing to do with your life, I admire that, and so will the people you could help in the future if you keep going.

I almost gave up on my A levels last year, I didnt see the point. I just wanted to hide forever so I can relate to how you feel.

I start at the end of this month too and I'm TERRIFIED but if you don't try, you'll end up wondering if your life would be any better if you had. Use it as an oppertunity to break away from whatever happened in your past, because whatever it was, you can't change it now, but you can be good to yourself and let yourself heal :)

Take it one day at a time, you'll get there. :grouphug:
 
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jamesdean

Guest
I forgot to mention my olanzapine was changed to abilify, which dosent make you put the weight on.
I never took my exams @ school because my nerves were to bad, I did try to go to college in 1994 but I couldnt handle that, I'm having an assessment with the social inclusion team in the very near future, apparently the mh services in my city have got good relationships with some of the colleges and uni's here, I dont think that may be I'm has thick has I think, so may be there is hope(yesterday I was ready to give up) I did mange to do a couple of little couses when I was employed & always passed, I think may be its perhaps the overwheling feeling of being exposed in large classrooms with no support thats most frightening!
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
Is there any possibility you could repeat the first year to give you some more confidence?
 
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nevaeh

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2008
Messages
21
Thanks for all your replies I really appreciate it ..........

Dollit

Thanks I will try letting people know that I'm a bit on the quiet side and see how that goes although I am very paranoid these days so I'm guessing it won't be too easy making friends maybe I will prove myself wrong I hope I do! I will most definitely keep everyone informed of how I'm doing the forum is a bit of a life line for me at the moment having lost alot of my friends due to my illness...

James Dean

Thanks for the tip on Abilify Im hoping my SHO will comply and change me over to this and increase my antidepressant dosage (not working) I see him/or her tomorrow. and thanks for the good luck I'm hoping to get involved in the Christian Union and maybe a dance class or two if I can get myself going. Congrats on passing those courses you did when you were employed you can do it maybe you should go for uni you can't be any thicker than how I feel trust me! I know what you mean about the large classrooms I'm planning on going to class extra early so it won't be so packed when I get there and I also as part of my DSA I have to ask the lecturer if I can record the session in advance which is going to make me stick out like a sore thumb!:redface:

Twylight

I'm studying Psychology but due to my year out I'm a bit rusty I'm going into my second year and everybody will have known each other!!!!!! Yes I defo find it a battle to do anything on Olanzapine and i'm only on 7.5mg . When I was on 20 I could not even get out of bed!:p

Hazard

You are right I can't change the past no matter how hard I keep wishing! Thanks for the hugs . What course are you studying? What Uni? If you don't mind me asking. Maybe we could keep in touch let me know how your finding it , fitting in stuff like that? I would be interested to know. :)

KP

I did already think about repeating but my mum said whats the point if you have already achieved reasonably good grades in the first year. She also said if push comes to shove I could do the second year again I'm hoping I wont be that thick and fail so hopefully it won't come to that. ;)
 
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James Buchanan

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 25, 2008
Messages
52
Hi

I was in a similar situation about 4 years ago. I had to take a year our after my 2nd year with a physical illness and quite serious depression. To be honest I really didn't feel ready to go back. All my friends had finished their degrees and left. I didn't have a place to live as I was a 3rd year so last on the priority for student accomodation. I crashed on a sofa at someone's house a few miles out of town until I got on campus after about 7 weeks, when I finally got a place on campus everyone in the flat knew each other and I felt like I was intruding but within a matter of days I felt comfortable. I had been worrying over nothing!

Universities are friendly places and generally more open minded than the "real world". I assume your university will also have a free counselling service aswell. Always handy to have.

As for the work, well I soon got into it and I'm sure you will to, aswell as finding it very rewarding. There is always the chance of repeating a year and there's no shame in doing it if you do feel the need. No shame at all.

I knew a few people who had to record lectures, one of my friends did and I know plenty of people who had extra time in exams for dyslexia. Nobody will judge you and the university cetainly won't.

Finishing that final year was the proudest moment of my life and I can guarantee I felt like you do now at the start. I know it seems like a daunting task but you obviously have the ability and intelligence or you wouldn't be were you are now about to go into your 2nd year.

What uni are you at out of interest?

Best of luck.
 
R

riverofdragons

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 8, 2008
Messages
274
Im starting Uni next week too. Im terrified but excited too. Im not well enough to hold down my job anyore which is why im going to university. I hope it goes well for you! Would be good to stay in touch and share experiences.
 
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nevaeh

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2008
Messages
21
Hey


Yes that would be really good let me know how you get o n for sure! Good luck :)
 
Hazard

Hazard

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2008
Messages
63
Location
Birmingham/Flintshire
Nevaeh, sure thing. Excuse my late reply, I've been on holiday :) but I'm always around here somewhere

I'm at the Birmingham school of Acting, studying stage management

And you're very welcome!
 
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