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Unfairness of it all

C

clarabow

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Sep 4, 2011
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Far too much to drink this evening and ended up head over toilet in a bar. Ridiculous and undignified. I'm a woman of 43. As always its the baby thing, or lack of baby thing, which haunts me is just getting worse. I wake up having nightmares about the baby I can't find. A younger man paid me a lot of flattering attention tonight when I was out, yet I ended up in the loo, chucking up all the pain. I watched my sister, on a rare day out and somewhat worse for wear, pushing my beautiful nephew away from her. She begrudged my one pregnancy, discouraged me from keeping him or her. In the years that passed she never once helped me to find another way to have a baby, let me go through the pain of infertility alone. I'm haunted by this. It's with me at work, wondering what the point is, and it's there at night when I try and sleep and first thing when I wake up. I thought it would get easier but with each day I get older i's getting harder.
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

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Far too much to drink this evening and ended up head over toilet in a bar. Ridiculous and undignified. I'm a woman of 43.
Ah, don't worry about the puking, everyone has done this clara. Drunken puking is never dignified whether 15 or 80, it just happens on occasion :)

As always its the baby thing, or lack of baby thing, which haunts me is just getting worse. I wake up having nightmares about the baby I can't find. A younger man paid me a lot of flattering attention tonight when I was out, yet I ended up in the loo, chucking up all the pain. I watched my sister, on a rare day out and somewhat worse for wear, pushing my beautiful nephew away from her. She begrudged my one pregnancy, discouraged me from keeping him or her. In the years that passed she never once helped me to find another way to have a baby, let me go through the pain of infertility alone. I'm haunted by this. It's with me at work, wondering what the point is, and it's there at night when I try and sleep and first thing when I wake up. I thought it would get easier but with each day I get older i's getting harder.
I misunderstood much of this, but I think you mean that you can't have children now? (the confusing bit was man paying attention, so I can't decide whether you mean that or don't have a partner and want one).

-

Either way, take care tonight, being pissed is never good when upset or unhappy. Try and get some sleep.

:)
 
blueflames

blueflames

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Mayfair is right, don't worry about throwing up.

I am sure it must be very painful for you to not be able to have the baby you wanted. I decided not to have kids but still get a pang as to whether I am doing the right thing. You must find it so hard to have had that choice taken away from you.

Have you looked into adoption? single people can adopt nowadays and I think it is up to 45. Even fostering can be very rewarding??

Maybe take Mayfair's advice and get some sleep for now xxx
 
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