- Sep 4, 2011
Far too much to drink this evening and ended up head over toilet in a bar. Ridiculous and undignified. I'm a woman of 43. As always its the baby thing, or lack of baby thing, which haunts me is just getting worse. I wake up having nightmares about the baby I can't find. A younger man paid me a lot of flattering attention tonight when I was out, yet I ended up in the loo, chucking up all the pain. I watched my sister, on a rare day out and somewhat worse for wear, pushing my beautiful nephew away from her. She begrudged my one pregnancy, discouraged me from keeping him or her. In the years that passed she never once helped me to find another way to have a baby, let me go through the pain of infertility alone. I'm haunted by this. It's with me at work, wondering what the point is, and it's there at night when I try and sleep and first thing when I wake up. I thought it would get easier but with each day I get older i's getting harder.