Undiagonsed but should I tell my wife I think this is whats wrong with me?

J

JimD

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#1
Hi all, I suspect my issue over my life has been BPD. However I've been with my wife now for 17 years and I have 2 children.

I'm worried about going the docs and I'm not sure whether to discuss this with my wife or keep it to myself. My wife knows my life story and what I've been through....but I worried about telling her about it.

What should I do?
 
Flameheart (was BPDevil)

Flameheart (was BPDevil)

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#2
i think you should discuss it with her and explain to her why you think you have it then try get assessed, i dont see any reason on why you shouldnt let her know unless she is against bpd or something
 
J

JimD

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#3
i think you should discuss it with her and explain to her why you think you have it then try get assessed, i dont see any reason on why you shouldnt let her know unless she is against bpd or something

Well I tried to subtly bring it up before It didn't go too well. I said what if I have something wrong with me.

Her response was - like what?

Then I said - I don't know....something undiagnosed ( testing the waters ) and then she said -

What have I been living with the last 17 years.

After that remark I went off the subject quickly. So now I feel like I've got to hide it from her.

I didn't expect her to understand to be honest. She's from a good, stable home and could never relate or understand.
 
S

so sad

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#4
She may not understand but as your wife she could still support you.
You could print off the symptoms of BPD and make a couple of notes on which of them you feel you have. That could be a starter for 10 to get going.
Good luck x
 
J

JimD

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#5
She may not understand but as your wife she could still support you.
You could print off the symptoms of BPD and make a couple of notes on which of them you feel you have. That could be a starter for 10 to get going.
Good luck x
Thanks for the tip.
I'm just going to wait for a bit now. Its knocked my confidence a bit....
 
S

so sad

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#6
It would have done mine too. Take time to do a bit more research and prepare what you want to say to her. Try to work out what you want her to do with the info because she may ask you that. It might just be that you want her to know so that its easier for you to talk about worries when they come up. You might want her to attend appointments with you, its up to you but have a bit of a script ready.
x
 
E

EstherRose94

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#7
I’d see no harm in sharing an article about BPD with her and just saying something like “a lot of times I feel like this”. I’m not formally diagnosed either but I have lots of similar traits and I did share some basic info about it with my bf. You don’t have to medically “fit” into a diagnosis. If you relate to it, use it as a tool to communicate with your wife.
 
E

EstherRose94

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#8
Haha oh I just read the rest. You should have the info and be straightforward and clear. Saying there might be something wrong with you might have just made her feel scared for you and react in a way you didn’t expect. Be calm and explain it to her. Don’t frame it as something wrong. Be like hey check it out, lots of people feel the way I do and there are ways for me to improve.
 
G

Girl interupted

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#9
Hi all, I suspect my issue over my life has been BPD. However I've been with my wife now for 17 years and I have 2 children.

I'm worried about going the docs and I'm not sure whether to discuss this with my wife or keep it to myself. My wife knows my life story and what I've been through....but I worried about telling her about it.

What should I do?
Do not.

Not until you have been diagnosed.

Even taking the step to go to therapy is an huge leap forward. It takes the pressure off your wife and gives you a safe place to work through your trauma.

Once you are in therapy, you can have a joint session with your wife and create parameters where she feels less helpless and more empowered.
 
megirl

megirl

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#10
Yes as Girl Interrupted said,I wouldn't jump into explaining the possible diagnosis yet,until you're sure,
Therapies a great start,then it makes it easier to see what your experience is and what triggers these emotions
 
Y

Yodagirl

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#11
Hi all, I suspect my issue over my life has been BPD. However I've been with my wife now for 17 years and I have 2 children.

I'm worried about going the docs and I'm not sure whether to discuss this with my wife or keep it to myself. My wife knows my life story and what I've been through....but I worried about telling her about it.

What should I do?
If it were me in that situation I would definitely tell her. I believe you should always be completely open and honest with your spouse.
 
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