• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Undiagnosed, this one seemed most likely..

M

MBRPingu

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2015
Messages
1
Hello, sorry, new wasn't sure how/where to post...
Been in & out of godawful to fantastic treatment for nearly a decade, and finally getting seen regularly, but only thing people can really agree on is dissociation.
It's pathetic, I know, I'm doing well enough now- but suddenly I am very frightened. I have no idea what is wrong, I don't know if I can fix it myself. I don't know why I am prescribed what I take, or if it is a placebo, or if by stopping I am anti-placebo ing myself!

They seem to be slowly honing in on bipolar with psychotic episodes in place of highs, I try to understand but I really cannot follow. I know I have been getting worse, and faster. The only link I can remember is that I feel I am in the wrong world, everything doesn't work properly, I sit for hours outside just waiting sometimes- I have cracked it! I know this isn't real.

I am babbling! But I am frightened. I used to be able to calm and control myself, for years at a stretch, now I am lucky to make a few weeks. I go to my doctors, they write God knows what on the notes, and give me things, either I take them and stay bad or stop and get worse.

But they won't tell me what they write, I don't have any diagnosis. I am 25 and feel like my life is over, all it is is trying to stay in a world I don't believe in. I am detached, I think deep down I no longer care. I feel wrong, misplaced, out of joint?

In hallucination I once jumped off a bridge, had a hell of a time explaining I wasn't suicidal, but I was convinced if the world was wrong, if I was wrong in it... I thought I belonged underwater (was proved wrong, can't breathe.. get a bit cold, all that...) is that dissociation?

Why won't they just tell me what is wrong so I can fight it?

Sorry again, bit of a rambling message...
 
F

flatz

Guest
It could be there's nothing wrong with you!

And everything wrong with reality?

The world is one big mad house that somewhere and somehow lost all its sensitivity.
 
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