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Undiagnosed, this one seemed most likely..



New member
Feb 27, 2015
Hello, sorry, new wasn't sure how/where to post...
Been in & out of godawful to fantastic treatment for nearly a decade, and finally getting seen regularly, but only thing people can really agree on is dissociation.
It's pathetic, I know, I'm doing well enough now- but suddenly I am very frightened. I have no idea what is wrong, I don't know if I can fix it myself. I don't know why I am prescribed what I take, or if it is a placebo, or if by stopping I am anti-placebo ing myself!

They seem to be slowly honing in on bipolar with psychotic episodes in place of highs, I try to understand but I really cannot follow. I know I have been getting worse, and faster. The only link I can remember is that I feel I am in the wrong world, everything doesn't work properly, I sit for hours outside just waiting sometimes- I have cracked it! I know this isn't real.

I am babbling! But I am frightened. I used to be able to calm and control myself, for years at a stretch, now I am lucky to make a few weeks. I go to my doctors, they write God knows what on the notes, and give me things, either I take them and stay bad or stop and get worse.

But they won't tell me what they write, I don't have any diagnosis. I am 25 and feel like my life is over, all it is is trying to stay in a world I don't believe in. I am detached, I think deep down I no longer care. I feel wrong, misplaced, out of joint?

In hallucination I once jumped off a bridge, had a hell of a time explaining I wasn't suicidal, but I was convinced if the world was wrong, if I was wrong in it... I thought I belonged underwater (was proved wrong, can't breathe.. get a bit cold, all that...) is that dissociation?

Why won't they just tell me what is wrong so I can fight it?

Sorry again, bit of a rambling message...


It could be there's nothing wrong with you!

And everything wrong with reality?

The world is one big mad house that somewhere and somehow lost all its sensitivity.