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Undiagnosable personality disorder

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Elvira Weisshaupt

New member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Austria
Hey guys, I'm writing to you because I seek advice regarding treatment for my mental health issues. Short resummee of my therapy history: I have done 11 years of psychoanalytical psychotherapy, 1 year of client-centered psychotherapy, 1 year of schema therapy and 2 years of trauma therapy, none of it which seem to have significantly altered the core of my prioblem. I have been diagnosed with anankastic personality disorder, anxiety disorder and autism spectrum disoder, but none of these diagnoses seem to grasp the core of my problem. I'll try to describe to you in a few sentences what it's like to live in my head: I generally don't have a sense of a self that is seperated from other people. When I'm by myself, I can only think more complex thoughts imagining that people are listening and confirming my thoughts and perceptions. I generally have the feeling that only other peoples thoughts, feelings and perceptions are real, not my own. My own feelings and perceptions can seem real when they are confirmed by others. I can never enter a state of opposition to others. I feel that I only exist for others, to satisfy THEIR needs and expectations. If my own perceptions or thoughts are not "confirmed" by someone, they seem to dissolve and cease to exist. What others think (whether they are actually present or I just think about them) is (to me) the actual reality. What I think doesn't count, as if I didn't even exist. All this regards the EMOTIONAL level, on a cognitive level I know that I'm seperate, I have my own ideas and I'm not delusional. But even there I need people to confirm my ideas for me to be able to see them as true.

To me, it seems very clear what my problem is and where I want to get from here - I want to develop the sense of a separate self, I want to be able to believe in my own perceptions without continuous approval, I want my own feelings and needs to feel more central to me than those of other people. But somehow it seems that psychology doesn't have a name for this. I even went though a complex diagnostic procedure at a psychological university that lasted half a year, and the main reason why it took so long was that apparently they couldn't find a box to put me in. They had to consult with the director, they did the same tests over and over again, they aven suspected I might be schizophrenic (which I am clearly not) and ended up by putting me into the "autism spectrum" box which however doesn't seem helpful. The "problem" was that I don't fulfill enough criteria for either borderline or anxiety disorder, let alone psychotic disorders. So apparently my "problem" is rare, but still there have to be other folks out there who suffer from similar issues. If any of you do, I'd like to know what helped you, in terms of therapy methods, ressources or other forums/threads where I might find advice. Thanks.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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May 25, 2020
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Hello and welcome to the forum. I am sorry you are unable to get a diagnosis.
 
LittleMissNameless

LittleMissNameless

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Mar 2, 2019
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425
Location
canada
It sounds very ocd to me. But i am not a mental health professional and i dont have ocd either its just what it sounds like. Talk to a mental health professional for answers.
 
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Purpleplum

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Feb 7, 2020
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To put you in their appropriate "box" you have to meet a certain number criteria of the disorder. You symptoms could very well be SOME criteria of different disorders but not ALL of the criteria to meet any one disorder.

When this happens, they don't know what bucket to put you in. They were trained that If someone meets x, y, z criteria for Disorder A, then Disorder A is what they should treat them for.

Basically, you've just confused them...or, as we say here: "befuddled" them.
 
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Elvira Weisshaupt

New member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Austria
It sounds very ocd to me. But i am not a mental health professional and i dont have ocd either its just what it sounds like. Talk to a mental health professional for answers.
Thank you for your thoughts. Anyway, as I tried to explain, I have talked to many mental health professionals already and they all have different opinions. So far, "atypical personality disorder" seemed most convincing to me, but I thought finding a more fitting diagnosis might help to find appropriate treatment.
 
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Elvira Weisshaupt

New member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Austria
To put you in their appropriate "box" you have to meet a certain number criteria of the disorder. You symptoms could very well be SOME criteria of different disorders but not ALL of the criteria to meet any one disorder.

When this happens, they don't know what bucket to put you in. They were trained that If someone meets x, y, z criteria for Disorder A, then Disorder A is what they should treat them for.

Basically, you've just confused them...or, as we say here: "befuddled" them.
At the end of the day, a diagnosis is not an aim in itself. What I'm seeking is not the diagnosis per se but appropriate treatment. I have done 15 years of psychotherapy and still feel that my general problem has not significantly changed. My hope was that putting a name on it might help find a way to treat it, or to put it differently: I'm thinking, okay, maybe this exact condition is not so common and so they haven't put a label on it yet. But probably among 7 billion humans there are gonna be some who face similar problems, and among those, there must be a handful who have been treated successfully, and I'd just like to know what they've done that helped them.
 
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Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
983
Location
nowhere
At the end of the day, a diagnosis is not an aim in itself. What I'm seeking is not the diagnosis per se but appropriate treatment. I have done 15 years of psychotherapy and still feel that my general problem has not significantly changed. My hope was that putting a name on it might help find a way to treat it, or to put it differently: I'm thinking, okay, maybe this exact condition is not so common and so they haven't put a label on it yet. But probably among 7 billion humans there are gonna be some who face similar problems, and among those, there must be a handful who have been treated successfully, and I'd just like to know what they've done that helped them.
The MH health field has no clear cut answers. They use trial and error to treat someone and hope for the best. The field is much better than in years past but it has so much more to go. Treating the brain is difficult and it's very specific to each person and they just don't know enough yet.
It's a better time to live with it (believe it or not) than in years past but still not good enough. Someday it will be.
 
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