ummmmmmm...

[cadivde]

I'm new 'round here. Been enjoying browsing and lapping up the good advice and supportive atmosphere on the site and impressed by the honesty of all the inspiring users who've posted messages...

I've had voices for the last 18 months. Had horrid times in and out of hospital, sectioned several times, diagnosed as having severe depression with psychosis, in remission, not again, then finally disharged and let loose back into the voice-free, wide-world again a month ago.

Then made the mistake of deciding that I was so well and happy that I ought to be able, through sheer willpower and hardwork alone, to stay that way without medication. I didn't want to have to rely on tablets any more so I stopped taking them. Only the voices came back and the black hole gaped again...

I've caused so many people so much pain during the process of my illness that I'm having difficultly coming to terms with that. I've lied, been deceitful, hurt them and thrown their well-meant support back in their faces. And I feel weak for not being able to manage my recovery alone.

Please- can anyone help me in coming to terms with my self-reproach, help me to forgive myself, find a way of moving on and letting go of the horrid memories of this past year? I'm just tying myself in knots here...

Thanks and good luck everyone

 

[Dollit]

Hi and welcome to somewhere quite magical.

First of all I'm presuming you're back on medication again? Some times it's the only way and that someone who has regular medication rebellions.

We all do things when we're ill that we don't like once the stability sets back in. When I was first diagnosed I couldn't cope with anyone at all and never spoke to my family for 8 years, after a couple of years of speaking to them again my dad was diagnosed with, and died of, lung cancer. It would be easy to talk of wasted time and beat myself up about it but it wouldn't do me or him any good. It can't bring him back. What I can, and have done, is learned from the mistakes I've made and used that experience to improve the relationships I have with the remaining members of my family. They're only mistakes if you don't learn from them otherwise let's call them opportunities for self improvement.

 

[Fedup]

Hello and

 

[Louise 28]

hi

Hi cadivde!
You arent alone on the forum, Im sure someone here will have lots of advice and understanding of your issues. The rest of us will probably just offer you support and smiles!
Louise

 

[Rorschach]

Hey there mate, hope you find the boards of use...as to forgiving oneself...tough one...

 

[Libra1]

Hi Cadivde and to MHF.

When I have been trying to get out of black hole/moods, I have read not to live in the past. Live for today and look forward to the future if that is possible!

This may seem like a silly question, have you accepted you are ill? Could your past behavior be due to illness and others did understand that? I think we can be very hard on ourselves at times I'm sending you a take care.

 

[Yellowcoaching]

Do one thing each day to make a life suck less and aim to do nothing that makes a life suck more.

This is a very simple philosophy if you put it into practice you can look back after even a day and like an addict getting clean be proud of your progress. It doesn't take many days to feel good.

If you slip (and we all do!) then you pick up the thread and begin working again at making your life and the world around you a better place.

Be the person who holds a door, waits for pedestrians in the car, says "after you" to another person getting on the bus...

All these suggestions are simple and things you can do daily. You can't change the past and you can't predict the future but you do have power over what you do right now...make it good.

 

[scottsblue]

hiya sure ur people will get you on the right path soon

 

[JIBBAJABBA]

Hi and big Cadivde

Jibba x