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Ugliness and how shame is a form of social control

Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
1,313
Location
England
It seems odd that people would make regular comments if you have no stand-out features, which is usually the case for those kinds of perceptions, usually enlarged features.
And these are genuinely coming your way these comments, they aren't in any way delusions that you're having, believing that peole are saying these things about you? (I have to ask, sorry).
 
Q

quilteddown10

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 26, 2021
Messages
159
Location
UK
It seems odd that people would make regular comments if you have no stand-out features, which is usually the case for those kinds of perceptions, usually enlarged features.
And these are genuinely coming your way these comments, they aren't in any way delusions that you're having, believing that peole are saying these things about you? (I have to ask, sorry).
Ha, no - i wish it was delusional.

As I said, i think 'ugliness' is an overall, holistic effect of facial processing (which is a complex science in its own right) rather than, say, deformity. Deformity (say, a hole in ones jaw as a result of cancer) scares us, but ugliness disgusts us. Both negative responses, sure.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Apr 20, 2019
Messages
1,313
Location
England
I can't imagine a situation, even as a kid with friends that were the sort to make comments about people, where this would happen except for maybe one or two of them that would have said things about people with deformities. But even then, they wouldn't have said things that they could hear, but probably just laughed. Maybe things have changed out there, I don't know.
 
A

aav72

Active member
Joined
Oct 29, 2020
Messages
26
Location
California
Yes, it is a shame.

I'm naturally a happy and chatty kind of person but the many years of really quite unpleasant verbal abuse and comments has had a rather corrosive effect on me.

I tend to be a much quieter and 'hide-in-the-corner' type of person now.

" 'hide-in-the-corner' type of person "


so you like to "hide in corners" too when you feel very anxious and depressed, eh? i do as well, but for me, i find the closest public restroom and i love to hide in the stall for a few, it works for me .. i wouldn't go into the handicapped stall though, a handicap person might need it .. seriously, it serves as a temporary sanctuary until i feel at ease and OK enough to go back outside and face the scrutiny of the public, the people and the masses once again, oh it is indeed threatening, especially with MY ugly undesirable and superfatty unwanted of a face! the public will just look at it with such derision or they will laugh like crazy and point you out! "oh now look at THAT freaky thing!" .. very discouraging, threatening and depressing there are so many people like this in the world, very discouraging, no wonder there will never ever be world peace, it won't happen if people treat others like this, no respect, no dignity, it doesn't happen anymore
 
zula77

zula77

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Joined
Jan 10, 2021
Messages
83
Location
York
'Ugly is an interesting one and very personal and subjective, often things we think are ugly about ourselves others don't even notice...but people always notice if another person is pleasant and friendly and helpful and these are much more important than how someone looks even though its so hard to tell ourselves when we are so hyper aware of a physical trait that we deem as ugly
 
Q

quilteddown10

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 26, 2021
Messages
159
Location
UK
'Ugly is an interesting one and very personal and subjective, often things we think are ugly about ourselves others don't even notice...but people always notice if another person is pleasant and friendly and helpful and these are much more important than how someone looks even though its so hard to tell ourselves when we are so hyper aware of a physical trait that we deem as ugly
Is it though? I mean, really? Is it really that personal and subjective?
 
K

Keyboard Worrier

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2021
Messages
12
Location
Ireland
It never ceases to amaze me how people can be so cruel to other human beings. These people who hurl abuse at you actually have to make the effort to be nasty 😡

"It's almost like I'm leading a double life. The adoring father and son on the one hand and the shamed beast who daily gets things thrown at him by the passing people."
Reading the quote above, I see that you are a father and of course, a son. Your family are the most important people and your friends. It is difficult, but what these strangers throw at you does not matter. They are the real ugly ones, to go out of their way to deliberately offend.
 
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