Tying up loose ends

Binca

Binca

Well-known member
Joined
May 10, 2016
Messages
88
I feel so detached from the world. I am literally beyond repair and have known this for a couple of years now. It sounds bizarre to some people but very natural to me considering all I have been through.

A person close to me, that I cannot get rid of and don't want to, has today verbally dragged me around by my hair, giving me a kick now and then. It's not deliberate and a result of her own stress but today, as most of the time I see her, I am left in this state. Lots of fits of tears, some alcohol and sadly my last resort of harming a part of myself that I should not harm. This is a sign of a total inability to cope with the world. I thank whoever is in charge, that I do not have to work and that I have this flat because otherwise it'd be a very long admissikn or death. I don't want either.

For years I have known I am beyond repair. I isolate because of this. I have been chucking out my stuff for the past year and giving things away that are special like family treasures. I have been finishing off projects that I began when I worked but never had the time to do and then was too ill to do. I have months more of projects to finish.

I so wish I could then push a button and poof. I'd actually push it now. Every morning I wold push it. I would wait for my Nan to die. Mum too. If mum doesn't kill me first. I love her but she pushes me too what I assume is sh.

Life has been one long stressful journey. Almost every person has let me down. From birth.

I do not want anyone replying unless it is supportive please because I cannot take anything but at the monent. Thank you.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
6,720
Location
Teesside
I'm so sorry your in a bad place.
You need to hold on.
I understand about the giving stuff away and the pushing people closest to me away it's to release me from guilt of ending it. I too have tried in the past. Didn't succeed.
My mental pain is now under control. So I need to tell you that it will pass and you too can get it under control.
Hold on, reach out.
Hugs
Fox
 
Binca

Binca

Well-known member
Joined
May 10, 2016
Messages
88
I am extremely stressed and extremely disappointed about how my post has been edited. Three sentences appear to have been removed. I made it clear that i didn't want stressful replies so the person editing my post should have taken more care when editing my post. It has been changed too much. I took great care to not say what i specifically do. You have put words into my mouth.

[moderated]
You can tell from that which part of my body i 'harm'

I remember very clearly reading Viktoria's posts a long time ago talking about [moderated] and what might happen if she continued.

It is ok for pansdisease to talk about stabbing Jesus on the cross, but i cannot talk about a head slap which is basically what it is.

I have noticed religious discussion problems here too. Having read through i can see that you cannot tell someone you can pray for them (which i would not do unless i was certain of the person's religion) but you can say extremely offensive things about other people's beliefs and religions. Is that not called inciting religious hatred?

I have serious concerns about the over-editing of people's posts so that they make someone out to be something they are not.

I am very unhappy about this. Yes i am very unhappy today anyway after a difficult day, so i chose to post about it, and get more upset because my words have been changed.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Top