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Two disabled kids sent good man over the edge

S

Sammy

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2010
Messages
3
Hi, I want to get some information on how to go about petitioning for full time care for disabled children and a care center for carers with burnout.

My sister and her husband have three children two who are disabled, wheelchair bound and at 14 and 9 still need nappy changes and feeding / bathing / dressing etc.

My brother in-law who was a strong, beautiful, happy man has broken over the last 18 months. Four months ago he was put on suicide watch due to his depression over the boys and the demands placed on him. A few weeks later when he was with the boys for all of ten minutes he made a call to 000 saying "come get the boys or I will kill them". The police came and this broken man a shell of his former self was placed in Woden Psych center with drug attics and mentally ill people far from what he was suffering.

Two days later without notice to my sister he was sent home to the very place he craved to be out of. His feelings of helplessness escalated with this sheer act of deceit by the people he cried out to to help him. He knew he was at the last straw calling the police as he felt humiliated but he knew he had no choice but to call 000 and thank god he did. But he didn't get the help he so desperately needed. And neither did my sister and their children, they were now made to live in fear of their own father and husband. It was a disgrace and heart breaking for the rest of our family.

So during the school holidays (husband at home) my sister asked me to look after the older daughter and the 9 year old disabled child while the 14 year old was placed in a holiday thing for the disabled for the day. Her car was playing up when she dropped them off so I told her to go home and get her husbands car as he wasn't allowed to drive anyway. She did and thank god she did, he didn't expect her home until 7pm. She walked in to find he had cut is wrist, one nearly right through to other side.

It took me 5 mins to get to her house leaving the kids at my place. I pulled in behind the ambulance and went in to a disaster of every imaginable kind. A broken husband / Father, a shattered mother / wife, and a disabled boy smashing things rolling around on the floor with now idea that the two people who have kept him going for 14 years are now so destroyed both physically and mentally.

After very long surgery to repair the damage he had done, now he and my sister faced the extra burden of his recovery which is going to take a very long time. They took him from hospital after a few weeks to Calvary Psych center and to date is there a month later. He has now gone from depression to manic (Bipolar) which is now another issue for my sister to deal with. He spent money they didn't have and is doing things that are so out of character which is very hurtful to my sister.

My sister has not been able to work for a long time because she has had to look after the two boys, her daughter and her husband. Everyday is an appointment for one of them or all of them. My sister is my concern right now as I am so scared she will also burn out, how much more can she take.

Two weeks ago she had the youngest boy in for an operation (supposed to be two day stay) he got fevers and everything else and she was made to stay with him for a week. The eldest boy on the third day had a seizure in care and while she was at Woden with one they took her other son to Calvary. I had to stay with one at Woden while she went to Calvary with the other until they could transfer the eldest to Woden. The nurses put the boys in the same room and she had two now in hospital to deal with.

They plan to let her husband out next week and yet he is no better, he is just in a manic stage and people who are supposed to be the experts believe the over top confidence is a sign he is getting better. IT'S NOT TO ANYONE WHO KNOWS HIM.

My sister is in fear now of loosing their little 3 bedroom home they purchased before they had children. They have been together for 26 years and now the pressure of loving your kids and trying to do the right thing by them will tear them apart.

Carers need a place to get away and revive to survive and until you have looked after these disabled kids full time you have no idea how much they need a regular break.

There also has to be a care center to take the boys even if it was just every weekend to take the pressure off.

Yes their is minimal care offered but not enough and it was a little to late.
:(
 
?

>.<

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Messages
113
Location
UK
This made me cry :( I really feel for your sister, her husband and her family, it must be so awful for them all atm. I don't really have much advice to give, I've never been in that situation. But I'll be thinking of them and wishing them well.

I agree that more needs to be done to help carers of disabled people too.
 
bubbling under

bubbling under

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Joined
May 29, 2009
Messages
2,184
Location
Hampshire
Oh my gosh, this sort of thing makes me so angry. Your family and friends shouldn't be left to deal with all this alone....there should be some provision for support for them. You don't say so in your post, but are social services involved in the childrens care at all? I'm saying this because if not then they should rightly be entitled to some form of resbite care for the children. Plus if the children are still needing nappies, they can claim for a certain number through social services.

As for their poor father, he very clearly needs a break, and a huge amount of support. It might be worth you doing a wee bit of research in to what provision could be within their reach in your area. If I come across anything nationwide I'll be sure to pop back and set down a link for you.

Take care :hug:
 
S

Sammy

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2010
Messages
3
Thank you for your replies, much appreciated.

There is no where in the Australian Capital of Australia for people with carers burnout and Bipolar just diagnosis to go. They put these good people into the mental wards at the local hospitals with the same people who are drug dependent and high violence potential. It's a disgrace. We all must wait for one of their family members to be personally diagnosed or suffer similar circumstances :mad:before anything will change for the rest of the population. It's always the way.
 
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