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TW Ptsd emotional and drug abuse

fireandairo

fireandairo

New member
Joined
Feb 8, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Norwich
TW i am going to talk about my own experiences with my past and i hope someone can tell me what they think.

At 17 years old, i met my first "real" boyfriend. He was an avid weed smoker, i mean 15-20 joints a day and at this time, i was young, impressionable and definitely wanted to seem like a cool stoner girl. So, naturally, i smoked everyday with him ignirant to the abuse.

What makes this story 10x worse is that at the time of meeting him, he was in the early stages of paraboid schizophrenia. I did not know this at the time as i had no awareness of the illness myself. However, there were things that seemed odd but as I was so young I brushed them off bc I thought he was the "one". Long story short, he emotionally abused me, accused me of cheating everyday, called me horrible names and refused my help. He would even get paranoid about me looking at strangers in public.

He was also an avid drug user and because i wanted to impress him, i took cocaine and ketamine often with him (which he asked me several times to buy for him to which i would). At the time i thought this was normal. Looking back, i have not only caused trauma for myself but now a list of mental health problems i didnt think i would ever get. I was very ignorant.

One time he had a schizophrenic episode to which he locked me in his room and cellotaped the doors so i couldnt leave. He was seeing people that werent there and thought he was going to die. This was very traumatic for me as i was so young and had no clue how to help. I stayed up all night with him until 11 am when the crisis team came to evaluate.

I was told several times it wasn't healthy for me but the abuse and manipulation kept bringing me back.

Its been 2 years now and i dont really think about him, however, i notice my anxiety has gotten worse, I struggled for a long time to watch tv and relax doing the thing's i enjoy, i was a slave to his abuse. I sometimes have flashbacks of the events but nothing too extreme, however its affected my motivation, happiness and anxiety.

Could i be suffering from ptsd? I never thought I could be until i read more about it online.

Thankyou
 
Architect

Architect

Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2021
Messages
24
Location
wales
Yes you are suffering and probably need a break from drug use and abuse. You should think about talking to someone who can help like a relative or friend who can help you. Drugs can make it seem easier in the short term but long term use can lead to serious problems like you described your ex-boyfriend was suffering from.
Taking a break from drugs use really works and you should get high on life and reality instead. When I'm ill and can concentrate enough I enjoy reading as it takes my mind off mental stuff.
Personally if you haven't done so I would see a doctor perhaps ask to be admitted to hospital it really helps ease the pressure and gives you free time to relax and concentrate on yourself and your own well being.
 
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