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TW- drugs/ kissing Made a huge mistake. Bpd

E

Ellleahxx

New member
Joined
Sep 28, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Ruislip
Hi everyone I’m Ella this is my first proper post on here. I didn’t know what else to do. So I have sufferd from bpd for a few years now and I’m a huge over thinker and I’m very unstable / unpredictable due to this. So the other day me and my friends went out for my birthday & we drank a lot and me and my gay male best friend got on a little bit of molly. So me and my bestie always get on it together and obviously doing this makes you loving and euphoric ect but we have always just cuddled and had heart to hearts nothing else as he is gay and I am bi but never ever seen him in that way EVER. He is literally my rock my best friend the funniest and gayest person you will ever meet. So we went back to my friends after the party and it was just me and him chilling and by this point we were really tripping not knowing what was going on we lost 2 hours of the night as we was really messed up. I don’t remember anything all I remember is that we had a very long intimately kiss ( a sexual snog ) but that is all I can remember from what happened and in the morning he remembers too but we kind of laughed it off but neither of us remembered exactly what happend. I saw him yesterday and there is no awkwardness or anything but he doesn’t remember anything and I was trying to see if he would mention the kids but he didn’t. This is so wierd he’s my best best friend and this never should have happend. I know it was the drugs because we would never ever look at eachother like that even if we had too much to drink. See I don’t want to make a big deal about it because I know he will just brush it off. But I really am confused and just really worried because the last thing I want is for it to be awkward or for our friendship to mess up. Should I talk to him about it to
Clear the air or should I just put it all down to the fact that we was not in our right minds and never mention it again. I don’t know what to do and my bpd Is making me overthink making mw
Feel sick I feel awkward like I can’t talk to him I don’t know what to do pls help :/
 
evadiva123

evadiva123

Active member
Joined
Sep 20, 2021
Messages
29
Location
Australia
Hi everyone I’m Ella this is my first proper post on here. I didn’t know what else to do. So I have sufferd from bpd for a few years now and I’m a huge over thinker and I’m very unstable / unpredictable due to this. So the other day me and my friends went out for my birthday & we drank a lot and me and my gay male best friend got on a little bit of molly. So me and my bestie always get on it together and obviously doing this makes you loving and euphoric ect but we have always just cuddled and had heart to hearts nothing else as he is gay and I am bi but never ever seen him in that way EVER. He is literally my rock my best friend the funniest and gayest person you will ever meet. So we went back to my friends after the party and it was just me and him chilling and by this point we were really tripping not knowing what was going on we lost 2 hours of the night as we was really messed up. I don’t remember anything all I remember is that we had a very long intimately kiss ( a sexual snog ) but that is all I can remember from what happened and in the morning he remembers too but we kind of laughed it off but neither of us remembered exactly what happend. I saw him yesterday and there is no awkwardness or anything but he doesn’t remember anything and I was trying to see if he would mention the kids but he didn’t. This is so wierd he’s my best best friend and this never should have happend. I know it was the drugs because we would never ever look at eachother like that even if we had too much to drink. See I don’t want to make a big deal about it because I know he will just brush it off. But I really am confused and just really worried because the last thing I want is for it to be awkward or for our friendship to mess up. Should I talk to him about it to
Clear the air or should I just put it all down to the fact that we was not in our right minds and never mention it again. I don’t know what to do and my bpd Is making me overthink making mw
Feel sick I feel awkward like I can’t talk to him I don’t know what to do pls help :/

talk about it! Hes you’re bestie, just be honest and say that you’ve been overthinking it and you want to clear the air. Often if you don’t your bpd likes to bring It up at really bad times and slap you in the face. A lot of stuff unfortunately happens when you’re tripping it’s just about how you approach it after ❤️ You feel sick because a part of you knows it was wrong and you’re scared but trust me it will be okay xx
 
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