Trying to Understand my Family Member's Behaviour

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sprklnynpnk

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#1
Hello,

I am a family member of someone with an eating disorder. I have done tonnes of reading on eating disorders since this all started and I've tried reaching out to professionals, but I have been having a hard time accessing mental health services. I have a couple burning questions that I just haven't been able to find answers to and I'm hoping that maybe if other people have experienced something similar, they can help me to better understand what's happening so that I can be as supportive as possible.

So she (my family member with an eating disorder) pretends that our relationship is very close when she talks to other people. I hear all the time from other family members that she apparently talks about how much we hang out and how close we are, but it's all a lie. We rarely hang out because she makes it very difficult, and even when we do hang out she spends as little time as possible with me. I'm lucky if I can spend an hour with her. She has been in hospital lately and she even told me that she didn't want me to come visit because she was "too busy," but I know she had lots of other visitors and day passes that she spent with other family. I'm just having a really hard time understanding why she would talk about how close we are when shes with other people when her actions seem to indicate that she is not interested in any type of support I'd hope to offer her. I love her to pieces and I try not to take the rejection personally, but that's easier said than done. Or maybe the rejection has nothing to do with her eating disorder and it's just me?? I don't know. Is there anyone who has experienced this or something similar before and can maybe give me a bit more insight? I'd really appreciate it. Thank you so much.
 
calypso

calypso

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#2
:welcome: to the forum. This is more about you and your hurt feelings isn't it? I understand and it must be really hard to deal with this. She might feel jealous of your "wellness" do you think? I would argue that she is feeling really stressed and taking it out on you. Perhaps she believes that you areclose. She knows you will continue to love her no matter what so maybe she is taking you for granted. Have you ever talked to her about this?
 
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Mary26

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#3
What kind of support are you offering her? Maybe she feels pressure from you that's making her uncomfortable? Or maybe she feels guilty because her eating disorder is impacting you directly? Generally, people who are not really ready to recover do not welcome any kind of intervention and if they are ready, still need lots of space.