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Trying To Reconnect With Old Friend!

My_Second_Chance

My_Second_Chance

Active member
Joined
Dec 15, 2017
Messages
37
Location
London, UK
Hi everyone, hope you are safe.

I had a friend who was also my ex. We split up two years ago. We used to work together as well. My friend suffers with depression and a high level of anxiety. Is a loner. Cares very much about his friends.

In December 2018, When I left the job, another colleague left as well. We were his social group as well. My friend was such a lover of Facebook. This was his main source of connection to friends he doesn't see in person. I noticed after I left, his facebook friends list started to decrease rapidly. He was removing a lot of friends so quickly.

Four months after leaving the job, our friendship contact decreased rapidly as well. If I rang, texted or sent him FB messages. He wouldn't reply. It did hurt massively. He was a friend and most likely because his my ex, I valued our friendship and wanted to maintain contact every now and again.

I was invited to a mutual colleague's party in April last year which I attended. The next day, my ex deleted our mutual friend from FB due to not being invited to the party. Obviously he was upset.

I maintained contact but again rarely got a reply. When I got a new phone and a new number, I texted him my number to which he texted me back under one minute to thank me.

The next month, I invited him out for a drink to which he replied back saying, no thanks. I was really hurt with this response. But I accepted his reply.

The next month, I began to feel drained by the lack of replies back from my friend. After seeing him share a post on another friend's wall, I got so hurt and angry and deleted him off my facebook friends list. I sent him some hurtful messages saying how upset I was. How much I had enough of getting no replies and how he has lost another friend. He had another friend who ended their friendship around ten years ago to which he was very hurt by. He often asked about her through mutual friends hoping she would reconsider the friendship but she never returned to the friendship.

After I ended our friendship, I felt bad with my reply. I sent him another facebook friend's request to which he declined. I rang him to which he answered the phone. Didn't speak but listened. I was so shocked that he had finally answered the phone after months of not answering his phone or making any contact with me. I stuttered with words and a few moments of silence, he hung up the phone.

Over the next few weeks, I tried reaching out. Phone kept ringing out. I sent him a birthday card in July but he didn't make any contact with me.

I left it a few months and saw him in the street. As soon as he saw me, his face was filled with anger and pain. I tried to talk to him and he kept saying he didn't want to talk to me. He even lied by saying his now with a new girl. He doesn't want to be friends with me nor wants to get back together. That after I left, I had said goodbye and that was it. I was really hurt but respected this. Somehow in the back of my mind, I felt he was deliberately saying this to project his pain on to me. He knows the things to say to get back at me to hurt me. I spoke to a mutual friend who assured me he hasn't met anyone and is currently remaining as a loner. In fact, his become even more isolated.

I reached out to inform that I am working in his neighbourhood and we can friends and hang out. He read the message but didn't reply.

I later found out, he removed another close friend of his in November last year after they didn't invite him out for a group meet up. I knew him doing this, was drastic. He was always the person who wanted to maintain friendships and would get incredibly hurt with the thought of losing his friends. To go from that to now, easily cutting off friends - was huge.

Four months passed and I saw him in the streets in Feb this year. As soon as he saw me, he displayed anger again and displayed paranoia (most likely from being socially isolated). I sent him a facebook message to inform how I was and how happy I am in life. It came up as seen but he didn't reply.

I understand his maintained facebook contact by sharing posts on the other colleague's wall.

Now with this cornavirus, it made me realise how precious life is and how anyone can die or get hurt from it. This prompted me to reach out to try to make one final attempt as it may make him realise how life is too short to hold grudges. If anything good can come from this, we can patch things up and be friends. I sent him a message and advised him not to hold any grudges. Find it in his heart to forgive. That I was sorry and I really want us to put things right. I even informed that I would send him a friend's request which I did but cancelled due to fear of rejection. I'm not sure if I would be able to handle that pain. He saw the message again but didn't reply.

I'm not sure on whether to re-send another friend's request and see what happens. I was even willing to send a message with some banter. Heaven forbid, if something happened to either one of us, I'd rather know I have tried but not sure. I do miss our friendship.

I do believe he still cares. He hasn't blocked me on facebook. He still reads my messages and has my mobile number still otherwise why else wouldn't he answer his phone when he sees it's me.

His a very highly sensitive soul and holds on to grudges for years against people who have hurt him.

Any thoughts?
 
S

Shay94

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
461
Location
Balga. Perth
There's not much else you can really do. He's read your msgs at least, maybe something has happened in his life to cause him to delete everyone so drastically. The longer you feel like a loner and believe none of your friends truly care for you, that's when you stop caring bout them. I know as I'm in that same place right now. My advice would be to just send a msg to let him knowthat you're there if he needs to talk bout anything & just wait, don't keep harrassing him as it'll make him go back into his shell to hide. All you can do is show some support & let him make his decision on his next move
 
My_Second_Chance

My_Second_Chance

Active member
Joined
Dec 15, 2017
Messages
37
Location
London, UK
It would appear he has got rid of my number. I rang him and he answered the phone. He asked who is it? As soon as I said my name, I heard him say, "oh **** off" before hanging up.

At least I know his response instead of wasting my time writing out a letter. I won't be doing this. I have my answer.
 
J

jamraspberry

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 11, 2020
Messages
321
Location
Somewhere
Sorry what you are going through @My_Second_Chance

Maybe your friend has a personal depression. I find it very difficult to reconnect with past facebook friends ever since my PTSD. I have severe anxiety over facebook so I quit it. I'm a loner now but in some way it's better for my anxiety issues.

I hope you can gradually move on from this former friend, it's difficult, it can take months or years, but just remember you will get another friend.
 
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