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Trying to move on

J

Jon812

New member
Joined
Feb 26, 2009
Messages
4
Hi my first post hopefully this is the right section for it.

I've always been lonely. School was not to great a mixture of me being socially clumsy* and not that nice people lead me to shy away from social contact from school until present day.

I guess I've always had depression of various levels in my life aswell.

Anyway I basically kept to myself for over 10 years never having much more than friends at my work place. But early last year I began talking to a woman on a online game i play. We met up and it went from there we got on well and eventually I moved in with her, This was a massive step for me as she is Danish I gave up everything and moved out there. After this it went down hill I struggled with well to be honest every thing and became very unhappy my partner was also suffering from work related stress.

After 4 month I moved back home and the relationship ended. Now jobless and feeling very useless I am struggling to know to how to cope with the new situation i am in.

Plus I think she has already met another ingame and they are meeting up which even though we are seperated has knocked me down. I can't stop thinking about it and its gradually tearing me apart.

My thought's are wandering to suicide as they have done a few times over the last decade I know they are only thoughts but I build a stronger case for it each time. It just feels a better thing to do than to got through this torment.

I think I just needed to put this down instead of bottling it up but i still don't know how to cope I seem to be my own worst enemy in times like this.
 
shaun3210

shaun3210

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Joined
Feb 18, 2009
Messages
1,805
Location
Up North
Hi Jon I know how you feel about being your own worst enemy, I quite often feel that way myself and know what a annoying and frustrating place it can be.
I’m also an online gamer if only life was as easy and as straight forward as it is in games! lol

Have you talked to anybody like your Doctor about how you are feeling?
 
D

Dollit

Guest
When a relationship ends on of the partners will always move on quicker than the other. I split with my ex just over 2 years ago and he has constantly said since that he will never have another relationship and seems to have made efforts to stay in the place in his head where is is upset and feels abandoned.

I didn't start getting involved with people again until last year because it was a very long relationship and I just needed a break. I'm now seeing a couple of people and I'm having a lot of fun again but he thinks I've rushed into things.

Your ex is the type, or so it seems, that doesn't dwell in the past and moves on quickly. You invested a bit more into the relationship - you moved not only house but country and had to move back into your old situation, you have had trouble in the past in forming close relationships so this has left you feeling exposed and vulnerable.

Suicidal thoughts aren't always an indication that you want to commit suicide. I was asked to give guidance to another forum on how to advise their members about suicidal thoughts and put it like this - if you find your financial situation becoming bad and you're sliding into debt then you will consider all your options. One of this may be a loan, either from a bank or a money lender. You would know that trying to sort out debt by getting into debt would be a bad idea but it would be an option that came to mind. And that is what suicidal thoughts are - an option that comes to mind but you don't have to act on those thoughts and probably won't. A lot more people don't commit suicide than those who do or try to.
 
J

Jon812

New member
Joined
Feb 26, 2009
Messages
4
No I have not talked to anyone about how i feel i guess the internet affords me abit of privacy/courage to write this down.

Don't get me wrong I knew my ex to move on at some point. This was my first major relationship and its all new emotions some of which i am struggling with.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
I hear you. It does hurt when an ex moves on before you're ready to though. It always had with me.

Give yourself time to get reacquainted with yourself and in the meantime keep on talking here. You can make genuine friends here. I keep in touch with 7 or 8 members here off forum and one of them I meet up with from time to time.

Your courage will see you through.
 
J

Jon812

New member
Joined
Feb 26, 2009
Messages
4
Your are right I think time will help with how I react to her new life.

My self confidense will take alot longer it was low when I met her its at rock bottom now. What with my lack of luck looking for a job I'd just like abit of good fortune once in a while.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
You've come here and begun to talk about things are. You're willing to try and learn how to boost your confidence and improve your sense of self worth. Doing good things for yourself can improve your luck.
 
hairymunky

hairymunky

Active member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
35
Location
Ayrshire
Moving on is tough. I remember breaking-up from my first wife. Very painful and emotionally draining times.
That was about 10 years ago, I'm now re-married, and dare I say it, feeling better? - There is a future after a break-up - trust me
One little step at a time, you'll see that you can move on like I did, and you can look to a brighter future.

Graham
 
J

Jon812

New member
Joined
Feb 26, 2009
Messages
4
And so tonight it came to a head despite my ex telling me last week she was not ready for another realationship, She admitted to being in one. Even though I rough Idea she was the news was devasting. I think it was the fact she lied that hurt the most.
 
shaun3210

shaun3210

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 18, 2009
Messages
1,805
Location
Up North
I sorry to hear she lied to you Jon, there isn’t a right lot I can say to you to make you feel better at this moment in time, except I have been in a similar situation in the past and I’m pretty sure a very high % of the people out there have also been threw the same and know how it feels both to find out they have been lied to by a ex and also having them start to see somebody else …so your not alone and it isn’t nice.

Don’t take it as any refection on yourself its one of the unfortunate risks we all have to take when entering a romantic relationship unfortunately.
The way I looked at it in the end was “ok she wasn’t right for me or she wouldn’t have done that” not easy I know but try to hang in there :)
 
scottsblue

scottsblue

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2008
Messages
1,902
Location
England
i think living abroad is very different to living in england, even if you had a quiet life.
 
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