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Trying to make sense of the last 30 years.



Jul 26, 2017
Hi everyone.
My divorce finished a few months ago after being married over 30 years.
I think I may move forward better if I understand what happened. Perhaps this is not the right place for 'victims'. If so please advise.
Without going over all the characteristics of BPD or ASPD I can say that my ex had 80% of the 'symptoms'. She admitted she was not quite right but said it was depression caused by a bad husband. Later she said a therapist said she had an unloving childhood.
Whatever is was, myself and my 2 boys (now in their 20s) have been steadily falling into a living nightmare. My eldest son had attempted suicide on several occasions and the younger was has become an angry drug user and no longer communicates with me. He won't explain why.
My ex now owns my farm, all our life's saving, and still hasn't handed back my personal effects. I just have my pension. No house. No significant savings.
I have a new partner and now understand what a real loving relationship is like. I'm happy but really just want my younger son to come back to me.
The divorce was awful and cost me £40k in legal fees and included accusations of physical abuse and restraining orders. I have never lifted a finger to her. Towards the end it was her who punched, slapped and tried to strangle me. I didn't tell anyone about that at the time as she was quite weak.

I had memories that our first 15 years were fairly good but since divorce friends who knew us then have reminded me of 'incidents' I had forgotten. For instance, having a restaurant meal out was not possible without my wife complaining and making an embarrassing scene.
Local guys thought she was great but village women kept her at arms length.
Towards the last few years of the marriage I could hardly think straight. I often cried alone. She never forgave, never forgot, never had remorse or empathy. Never blinked during an argument. She would stare with cold snake eyes.
Enough for now.
I could write a book.
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Jun 13, 2015
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Langdale, welcome to the Forum. It sounds like it's been really rough for you. I'm sorry you've had to go through all that. Hopefully your life will settle down. Maybe your son will get off drugs. And I hope your other son will give up on suicide attempts. Divorce is very stressful. It's right up there along with a death in the family. You are welcome to write as much as you like on this forum.