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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Trying to get better, while still being bad

PetitPois

PetitPois

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This is (or was) my conundrum. I have been feeling better than I have done for years. I started a game forum about 6 months ago and discovered I am actually pretty good at it. This fuelled my thinking about maybe I could look at moving forward into work. Who would want to employ me though?

I am middle aged, still take medication for my bpd, depression etc. I am still working on overcoming my agoraphobia, have no qualifications and have been out of work for years due to mental illness. Doesn't sound great does it?

Nevertheless I was starting to ponder it. I also decided to do a blog. It included my background story. A brief outline of my depths of despair and life story and what I deal with. And the stigma I fear I will face for the rest of my life. I gave a link of it to someone I know online. Since then I have been faced with radio silence.

Writing it wasn't a good idea, I have plunged into a god awful place, writing it really took it out of me. Now after being blanked by this person I am completely humiliated as well. So the stigma and judgement I am perceiving is still stinging right now. I have a habit of maybe sharing too much, so it isn't the other persons fault it is mine. But it still hurts. I also realized, that my moods are very unstable and my energy levels are not high enough to commit to work right now even if it was a choice.

I will probably be hauled in for an interview regarding benefits next year, which is now going around in my head too. This will be further confirmation of my low quality of life.

Sorry for the rant, it's just a couple of days ago I was seeing possibilities and feeling well on the way to some sort of recovery. Now I feel hopeless :low:
 
H

Hana26

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It is not wrong of you to want to express your feelings and fight your demons through writing, in fact it's a good idea , perhaps do it privately by keeping a diary for yourself as a therapy.

Exposing your story to the public eye is not a problem as long as it's done the right way. The person you sent the link to probably didn't know what to respond or how to react, they might just need some time to process what they've read and find the right words to say to you. If they don't contact you again because they feel too awkward or it's too much for them , it's ok let them go and don't feel embarrassed. It happens and it shouldn't stop you from expressing yourself to ease the pain, just do so the right way like I said x
 
PetitPois

PetitPois

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I think it is more that I still want to feel accepted by people, even when they know my background. But looking at this, maybe I still have to accept myself. And I don't know if I can.
 
PetitPois

PetitPois

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I bit the bullet and sent a message apologising for sharing what I did. I have done it in such a way that replying is not necessary. And if they do choose to reply, they do not need to discuss the subject anymore. They can reply and discuss a different subject I have mentioned writing about and what is of interest to me.

I hope I have done the right thing. I just wanted to draw a line under it for both of us :redface:
 
PetitPois

PetitPois

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Well I got no reply :cry:

God I am so rubbish at reading people. Why is it people who seemingly liked you, friendship wise I mean. Can't still like you when they know you have a mental illness? This is so demoralizing to me. I am avoiding my game forum and honestly I wonder how to move forward with this.

Here I can talk to people and it feels good. You all still talk to me even though you know my condition. Other places people talk to me only because they do not know my condition it seems. I feel like a fraud when talking to others, or at least that it is pointless. I have actually been moved to tears today. Not a good day at all :hankie:
 
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Pepperguy

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In life, it happens that at first glance everything is good. But then everything changes. There are small troubles one after another. Gradually, everything changes for the worse. As a result, life collapses, becomes unbearable. This is how our sins, small and large, manifest themselves. Everything we have done in the past affects our future. What should I do in this situation? To ease the suffering of the soul, to save it. It is necessary to be freed from past sins. It is not necessary to carry such a burden as past sins. It's better to get rid of it. This can be done on the website found-salvation.com. Many people make their lives easier this way. It really helps.
 
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