Trying not to get in a pickle!

[bluebell24]

A few days ago I decided to tell an old friend about my diagnosis. It's someone I have known for 20 years and although we see/speak to each other ridiculously infrequently I felt as though I should let him know. There was no sensible reason for this other than it felt like it might be a good thing to do at the time.

I have difficulty actually speaking about it so the conversation began on text then he suggested it would be good to chat over email. He had already heard from a mutual friend that I'd been having a hard time so when he mailed me he asked how I am now. I wrote a 2 paragraph email back and anyone who has seen my posts here will know that's pretty sparse for me!

I haven't had a reply now and am beginning to worry that it was a bad idea and that I shouldn't have said anything at all.

It was quite a test for me as I have really edited out so much of my life when in contact with other friends. Now I don't know what to think and fear I've made an almighty mistake that might cost me another good friendship.

 

[Spaceman]

Hi Bluebell24

Firstly well done for being brave enough to tell someone about you and your situation.

I sympathise with your situation and empathise with your fears, I think alot of us who have a mental illness fears how others will react.

It sounds like you are feeling bad at the moment, and if you are anything like me you will be creating fantasies on what your friend is thinking or feeling. Do you contact them or not? Unfortunately that is your decision to make but whatever you decide i wish you luck.

I know for me it has been hard to tell anyone, outside the CMHT only one friend and my wife knows what I go throw. I know that I am going to have to tell others soon but not sure how they will react.

Please do not worry yourself too much, it may not be as bad as you think

Bestest Wishes

Spaceman

 

[bluebell24]

Hi Spaceman,

thanks for your reply, and you were spot on ... I too create all kinds of ideas in my head when it comes to people reacting to me.

I've learnt from a disastrous experience though that exposing my anxieties to the other person involved only makes matters worse. So this time I've decided not to let myself worry but rather to just leave it. If I hear from him I do, I'd I don't then, well there could be countless reasons why he hasn't replied and they may be just that he is otherwise engaged or maybe just doesn't get back to people at quite the speed of light I sometimes do!

It's tough, I get really lonely keeping it all in my head but hopefully there will come a time and a friend that can change that. And hopefully I will then be armed with the judgement, consideration and good humour to make it painless for me and whoever that person might be : )

 

[Spaceman]

Hi Bluebell

I am glad you feel that way and have been able to put some reasoning and perspective into the situation. There is very little you can do and you cannot change what's done.

I hope you find that special someone that you can talk freely to without having the thoughts and feelings you have experienced recently.

Wishing you well

Spaceman

 

[suzy]

Hmmm i am glad you found the courage to tell him but things like this I think are always best done face to face so you have an immediate reply and can go through any questions. He just might not have read his emails yet, or may be upset that you have never told him and why are you telling him now?

Maybe give him a phonecall and see if he wants to meet up if you live near each other?

Good luck!

 

[bluebell24]

Hi Suzy,

thanks for your reply ... and I've realised it was definitely a lapse of judgement in my behalf ; ) I've decided to just leave it ... we live 2 hours apart and while good & longstanding friends we haven't really been in the habit of calling each other for many years, just slide back into a comfortable place when we see each other. Something I've always quite liked really and I think it was a moment of exuberance that made me want to change that.

I just had a tough weekend that involved meeting friends/former colleagues who I haven't seen that much in the past 6 months while I've been really ill/starting to get better. It reminded me how hard I find it to talk to people and that I still have some work to do ... it was lovely in a sense as they were all so pleased to see me. They just treated me the same as always and expected the old giddy, bouncy me which I'm not quite back to yet. And it's hard not being able to fill in the gaps and explain stuff but also reminded me I was once a great communicator and valued too.

I am sure that time will help me find that again and there will be a good friend that can be a mutually beneficial confidante too. The mutually beneficial bit is key though ... no more being over dependant or needy!

It is actually all good because I have lots & lots of hope, and high hopes at that.

Whoops there goes another rubber tree plant and all that : )

Hmmm, I am not entirely sure if I am quoting that lyric correctly but ne'er mind!