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Trust issues getting worse...

L

LostGirl1987

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I’m actually so stressed out right now. I keep catastrophising every minute little thing to the point where I don’t even trust my closest friends. I keep getting so paranoid that one of them is seeing my ex “lover” I guess you could call him, but there’s no evidence and my mind keeps switching from friend to friend. If I’m not worried about one friend I’m worried about another. They’re all very much aware of how badly he hurt me and I’d like to think they wouldn’t do such a thing, but I’ve been betrayed so many times in the past and it’s so frustrating not knowing. I can’t ask them about it because they’ll think I’m a psycho, or they’ll tell him and he’ll think I’m a psycho. I know two of them are friends with him and the three of them talk on a regular basis, but I can’t help worrying that there’s something more. If there is, I don’t think I could continue being their friend, because it would hurt too much, and the thought of losing more people is terrifying to me. I know I can’t control what he or anyone does and that I need to move on, but the anxiety and paranoia is just unbearable at times. I do find myself checking up on him less and less, but when I do I see that he’s been active on social media around the same time as them, which doesn’t mean anything, but my mind always jumps up the worst case scenario and I don’t know how to stop it. It’s making me dislike and distrust the people around me which is awful because for all I know there is nothing going on! And the last thing I would want is to distance myself or self sabotage in any way, which I have been known to do. I know I should just cross the bridge when I come to it, but the not knowing is so frustrating. Part of me just wants someone to come out and say “yeah they’re seeing each other” just so I can know and move on. I’m at a loss and I’m not sure how much more I can take 😖😖😖
 
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bpd2020

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If you never check up on him then maybe you would not have these thoughts so strongly. I too could not handle a friend dating one of my ex's so you thinking that you would end the friendship is understandable to me.
 
L

LostGirl1987

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If you never check up on him then maybe you would not have these thoughts so strongly. I too could not handle a friend dating one of my ex's so you thinking that you would end the friendship is understandable to me.
Hey yeah that’s what I’m thinking, it is gradually getting less and less as the days go on, I find myself not checking up on him nearly as often so that’s an improvement I suppose 😊 I think I just worry because my counsellor kind of said something that hurt my feelings a little the other day. She basically said that because they’ve been friends with him longer who am I to be upset with them if anything happens romantically? To be fair I think she might have misunderstood me but it still made me feel a bit bad.
 
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bpd2020

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I wonder if your counsellor was trying to show you another point of view? I can understand why it has upset you though. As they have been friends with him longer it will mean they continue their friendship despite him hurting you. I can see why that is difficult for you.
 
L

LostGirl1987

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I wonder if your counsellor was trying to show you another point of view? I can understand why it has upset you though. As they have been friends with him longer it will mean they continue their friendship despite him hurting you. I can see why that is difficult for you.
Yeah that’s what I thought, and its not their friendship I’ve been worried about it’s whether or not it’ll turn romantic? I’d like to think not because I’ve been their friend for longer than he has but they met him before I did if that makes sense? But yeah she probably just misunderstood me. People in our friendship group tend to come and go so I’m sure in time things will start to shift anyway 😊
 
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bpd2020

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If they have been friends for a while it sounds like it is nothing more then friendship. He is also dating somebody. Maybe they like him as a friend but do not see him as a suitable partner.
 
L

LostGirl1987

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If they have been friends for a while it sounds like it is nothing more then friendship. He is also dating somebody. Maybe they like him as a friend but do not see him as a suitable partner.
Yeah that’s what I’m thinking, it probably is just my paranoia. Thank you so much 😊
 
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