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TRUE to my BPD

N

notty

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 27, 2012
Messages
71
Location
california
I really have never cared to admit to anyone I have BPD.
Since reading up on it and diving into learning about it, I can clearly see
how its manifested in my life.
Recently I made a life changing choice with the support and encouragement from
my friends on this forum.
I was happy. But, true to my BPD, I was ELATED!...Totally CONTENT!
All the happy emotions but to the extreme.
Feeling a sort of peace in my life, finally, I started trying to learn everything
I could about this disorder.
With this peaceful feeling, I could finally OWN this BPD.
I stayed off this forum for a bit because with this disorder, its all about ME!
But now that a little time has passed and I feel better, I see that even in a
happy time my BPD manifests itself.
It feels at times that something is lacking because theres no more CHAOS
and stability is here.
I find myself trying to sabotage circumstances. Its stupid. Its as though I
miss being unstable on the daily. How weird is that?
I feel like things are on track for me at this time, and Im not so sure I like it.
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 22, 2013
Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
I really have never cared to admit to anyone I have BPD.
Since reading up on it and diving into learning about it, I can clearly see
how its manifested in my life.
Recently I made a life changing choice with the support and encouragement from
my friends on this forum.
I was happy. But, true to my BPD, I was ELATED!...Totally CONTENT!
All the happy emotions but to the extreme.
Feeling a sort of peace in my life, finally, I started trying to learn everything
I could about this disorder.
With this peaceful feeling, I could finally OWN this BPD.
I stayed off this forum for a bit because with this disorder, its all about ME!
But now that a little time has passed and I feel better, I see that even in a
happy time my BPD manifests itself.
It feels at times that something is lacking because theres no more CHAOS
and stability is here.
I find myself trying to sabotage circumstances. Its stupid. Its as though I
miss being unstable on the daily. How weird is that?
I feel like things are on track for me at this time, and Im not so sure I like it.
My God notty, that could be my life too! I really could.

Join the club and have a big hug

:hug5:

davey x
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
The sabotage thing is a funny one, isn't it?
There have been times that i've been convinced i'm "recovered" and have attempted to really live my life, then something out of my control will go wrong and i'll be back to square one.
And so as a result part of me now is very cautious and wary whenever things are going ok.
So while I don't feel that part of me wants the chaos or instability, I do feel that i'm somehow safer when i've got nothing because that way there's nothing to lose.:(
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
1,000
Location
australia
...you are correct that BPD is a psychological battle...

and this ...of course is a symptom of an emotional battle.

...and both?

they manifest as a personal battle!....

...this illness has a high mortality rate.

emotions are subject to our best guess!....to where they came from.

especially that they are so sublime and equally deadly.

...the borderline comfort takes years to perfect...and unfortunately this perfection fails to satisfy how we want to survive!... especially in it's absence.

and after many attempts to ignore why we tried so hard?

we are stuck with ourselves

it takes effort to be ok and it takes more effort than exists... just to survive

with BPD

this might appear as strange?

but I thank you for reminding me just how difficult life is with this dis-order.
 
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