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Trouble functioning. Needing advice and success stories.

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Babygorilla

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Mar 14, 2021
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Sorry In advance because I am manic right now and my thoughts are everywhere and this is my first post here. I’m 25F and have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and social anxiety. I haven’t been able to go places on my own for about 2 years and have been constantly depressed for 2 years along with periods of rage. I now have paranoia that I’ve never had before, I feel like all of my neighbors can hear me inside of my apartment and feel like they’re listening to my conversations. When I go places I feel like everyone is making fun of me or knows that I’m mentally ill. I constantly feel like people have ill intentions and are out to get me. My fiancé and I moved out of our hometown almost a year ago and I’ve been spiraling ever since because my parents were my support system. I have been really dependent on him and when he goes out with friends or by himself I get really paranoid and feel upset with him and it’s not fair to him. I feel like he is going to leave me for someone who has their shit together. He is growing more impatient and less supportive, calling me names And telling me I’m useless right now. I went through a really bad manic phase and quit my job. I’ve been suicidal, I don’t think I would ever actually do it but I feel like I’m getting closer and closer to the possibility of actually doing it. I feel like I’m drowning and I’m now going into these fits of rage that I’m having trouble controlling. I don’t want to go into the hospital but I’m not sure what to do. I am also a mom so it is important that I get it together so my child can have the mom that they deserve and don’t grow up with trauma because of me. I used to take kolonopin for my anxiety and I was able to function but I made the decision to stop taking it almost a year ago because I was worried about long term effects because I had been taking it for 2-3 years. I currently take 100mg of lamotrigine. It helps but it makes me really unproductive and feel slow most days. I skip days so I can get things done ie. cleaning, calling to make appointments etc. I try not to self diagnose but Sometimes I feel like I may suffer from bpd also, but at the same time I can be a hypochondriac and worry too much about health.
anyways I’m not functioning like an adult right now and not really able to care for myself. At what point did you guys consider checking into the mental hospital? What did you do on your situation and what was the outcome? I’m on the verge of losing everything and NEED to be able to take care of myself so I can be a good mother. I just want to be able to go enjoy things in life again, function independently and give my child the life they deserve. Please be kind.

Also hearing your mental health success stories would be appreciated
 
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JeanPierre

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Location
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I believe you that klonopin helped you and it sure will not hurt to use it now.
I use diazepam for those days.
I so appreciate that you realize and acknowledge your child's mental health.
I'm sorry you worrying so much. It's horrible.
I hope tomorrow is better.
Are you in touch with your doctor or mental health team?
 
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Babygorilla

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Mar 14, 2021
Messages
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Hawaii
I believe you that klonopin helped you and it sure will not hurt to use it now.
I use diazepam for those days.
I so appreciate that you realize and acknowledge your child's mental health.
I'm sorry you worrying so much. It's horrible.
I hope tomorrow is better.
Are you in touch with your doctor or mental health team?
I’m not currently in touch with a mental health team. I’ve seen a psychiatrist once since I moved and I haven’t been to a therapist since I was about 14. I’m going to be calling the psychiatrist tomorrow to set an appointment.
 
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Mav2126

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New York
Hang in there baby gorilla. I also encourage you to reach out to mental health professionals. Maybe contact a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist. I know its hard if you don't have alot of resources to pay for all this therapy. It sounds like you are living in a nightmare and I can completely relate to that.
 
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JeanPierre

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I’m not currently in touch with a mental health team. I’ve seen a psychiatrist once since I moved and I haven’t been to a therapist since I was about 14. I’m going to be calling the psychiatrist tomorrow to set an appointment.
YAY!
I hope he can see you asap. Please let us know how things progress.
Great job Babygorilla!
(My grandson who is 9 considers the silver back gorilla to be his spirit animal) ✌
 
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Babygorilla

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Hawaii
YAY!
I hope he can see you asap. Please let us know how things progress.
Great job Babygorilla!
(My grandson who is 9 considers the silver back gorilla to be his spirit animal) ✌
Okay I will give you an update after I call tomorrow, fingers crossed they can get me in quickly.
That is so cute! ☺ Gorillas are amazing animals
 
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Babygorilla

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Messages
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Hang in there baby gorilla. I also encourage you to reach out to mental health professionals. Maybe contact a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist. I know its hard if you don't have alot of resources to pay for all this therapy. It sounds like you are living in a nightmare and I can completely relate to that.
I’ll try contacting a psychologist also. It’s so expensive especially since I quit my job, but in order to hold a job I need medical help. This situation is just such a mess. I’m sorry that you can relate Mav, I don’t wish for anyone to feel like this but it’s nice to know we aren’t alone. 💛
 
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JeanPierre

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Babygorilla, right now, is Medicaid's enrollment period (in Hawaii), which is based solely on income; according to google.
 
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Babygorilla

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Babygorilla, right now, is Medicaid's enrollment period (in Hawaii), which is based solely on income; according to google.
Thank you for the info! I’ll check out the website right now.
 
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Babygorilla

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Update: I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow afternoon.
 
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JeanPierre

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Excellent news!
Update us when you can.
I'm so happy for you. Big step.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Have you been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder by a professional or do you think you probably have it?
 
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Babygorilla

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Have you been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder by a professional or do you think you probably have it?
I have been diagnosed with social anxiety and bipolar NOS. I wouldn’t say I have bipolar disorder if I wasn’t diagnosed.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Sorry, forgot all about your second sentence by the time I'd finished reading! Oops.
 
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