Trouble Being an Adult

R

Ready for Growth

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Apr 7, 2016
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#1
I am 27 years old and live with my girlfriend of 10 years. Whenever it comes time to do dishes or laundry or take out the trash I say ok I will do it now. Only, I don't do it now I sit and think in my head how long I can stay sitting in that one spot staring at the wall before I get yelled at and am forced to get these things done. I have a very hard time acting responsible or like an adult without being forced to. I haven't even brushed my teeth in a month. Come to think about it I do this whenever it comes to tasks that every child is told to do (brushing, making the bed, doing laundry, taking the trash out, doing dishes, walking the dog, stop looking at youtube, clean your room, etc). It is like I am in an alternate world. Sometimes I will be relaxing and then realize "holy moley I don't live at home anymore". "This apartment is ours and we are making payments on it". "We bought a dog." "I went to Washington DC for my grandfather's funeral". It is like my mind pushes things that make me uncomfortable away and hides them. I love living with my girlfriend by the way. She is my best friend.

I am trying to start a business, yet every time I go to work on it I find an excuse not to. I become mentally paralyzed. This does not only happen when I go to work on this business but whenever I have any kind of task that needs to get done as listed above. I leave work and dread coming home knowing that I am going to have to do some kind of chore or work on my business. I can literally feel my mind trying to block it out. I picture a wall in my head and I can't force myself over it to be a responsible adult. I am all talk and no action. I always say one day when we are.. we will do this or that but I never take the steps to get there.

My girlfriend came to me yesterday and said that she wants me to find help because the way I am acting is beginning to affect our relationship in a negative way. I have been trying to change but I am having a hard time doing so. Over the last 11 years I have been this way. I feel that every time I start to do the right thing I sabotage it.

Any advice on what is wrong with me or how I can change is greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking your time to read this long post.
 
Nikita

Nikita

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#2
Hello Ready for Growth:welcome:

It seems you are well aware what your problem is.You are trying to block out and escape being grown up.

You are afraid of the responsibilities of being an adult and are trying to escape the reality of it by avoiding doing the work whether household chores or working on your business idea.

In your mind you are the child being told to brush their teeth and not wanting to do it or being told to come off computer and do your homework and you don't want to.

Trouble is you are not a child anymore you are an adult and no matter how hard you try to block it out you carry the can now financially and in other ways for sustaining your lifestyle and a roof over yours and your girlfriends head.

There is only one way to solve this,make it register in your mind you are an adult and as such you have to carry the weight and do your fair share of the adult stuff and responsibilities and STOP avoiding the chores, come home and do them without needing to be shouted at to do them and work on your business and getting it off the ground cos it is what you need to do.

There is no one else to solve this but you so get on and do it,act, don't sit and think or avoid and procrastinate ,do it.Best of luck!Nikitax
 
Kerome

Kerome

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#3
I think perhaps some time with a psychotherapist might benefit you. It would be worthwhile to talk through some of these issues with a professional. You could ask your doctor to arrange it, or do it privately. If your relationship is at risk then it is surely worth it.
 
G

goddexkye

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Apr 7, 2016
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#4
Have you looked into executive dysfuntion as a possible symptom/comorbidity?
I identify a lot with what you're describing.
What I do is rather than berate myself for never wanting to get up to do something, I ask myself when will I be ready to do this. Will I be ready in 5 minutes? Ten? And set a timer. Maybe this will help.
I imagine therapy may be helpful to you if that's something you want to try.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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#5
I am very behaviorly depressed too. All those things are overwhelming to think about.
Right now I am working on regulating my sleep & 1 chore...making my bed takes 3 minutes or less and is self rewarding because it feels so much better to go to bed.
I have long realized that it is easy to spend more time dreading and procrastinating a chore than it takes to do it. Sometimes that alone motivates me.
 

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