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*TRIGGERS* I feel like ending it all

FixMe26

FixMe26

Active member
Joined
Jul 23, 2013
Messages
27
Location
England, United Kingdom
Before I continue, please do not read this if you have a history of self-harm or if your depression is really bad. I have placed a trigger warning in the title.

I joined here back in 2013 and it's been a while since I last been on here.
Since 2013 I have been in and out of many relationships, I lost a few close family members, I was bullied, sexually assaulted, abused, nearly died and other horrible things.

Recently my own brother told me that he wished I never existed and it hurt.
I'm currently living in East Yorkshire and the people here are treating me so badly, I miss all the people back in south east England. I'm absolutely miserable.

I've become anorexic, in the Spring/Summer time I also had thoughts of ending it all. I started self harming again and hadn't done it since 2017/2018, I took an overdose several times.

I'm a complete mess.

Where I live, the police aren't very helpful either, I got beaten up by a few, I never even did even to provoke them either.

I'm so sick of this life. I really want out. I tried calling my mental health crisis team and nobody is picking up the damn phone! I even tried Samaritans as well. It's like no one even cares!
 
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N

No Mo OCD

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
7
Location
USA
I looked at your other messages and I think your name is AJ. AJ, reading your story has made me sad. I don't know you, but I do care. Please hang in there and just try to get through today.

You've had an incredibly difficult past and you've gotten through it all. If you were strong enough to get through all of that, you are strong enough to get through this as well. Just try taking it one day at a time. Just get through today. Inch by inch everything is a cinch. Yard by yard, it's all hard.

I've never tried to harm myself, but I've been going through some deep depression recently. Yesterday was perhaps the lowest I've felt. Although I've never made plans to end it all, I've had thoughts that I no longer want to live. And I've never been through anything like you've been through. You are a lot stronger than me. Yesterday was awful for me, but after a good night's sleep, I am much better today.

Please please please hang in there. People do care. Hope will rise again and you CAN get through this and feel joy again.
 
T

treasurebox

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
493
Location
Philippines
You deserve a better life. You were created to be happy. Believe that better days are coming. Do not lose hope. You will have better relationships and you will have people around you that will really care for you.

Listen to good, encouraging, uplifting songs on youtube several times a day. It helps me. Music is therapeutic.
 
S

swillis

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2017
Messages
282
Location
UK
Time can sometimes be a blessing, allow it to pass and things will naturally change, more than likely for the better if your in a rough situation. If you're struggling, go to anything that you find comforting or easy to do, something that isn't particularly challenging and lets time pass. I sleep and eat junk when I'm feeling down, it's unhealthy, but I've come to accept that it's better to accept it and try to enjoy my sleep and my junk food than reject it as unhealthy and not beneficial.

I wish you the best and hope you find a way out of your current predicament.

I'm here if you need to talk about anything in particular aswell.

All the best.

Sam
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
6,448
Location
England
How are you tonight?
We care
Im so sad to think of anyone self harming or taking overdoses. It's devastating. It's a cycle hard to break, especially when bouncing from the behaviour of others.

It eventually makes you strong. The more bad that happened to me, the worse I felt but then one day I hit the bottom. Cried for a year. Gradually got back up. Strong.

Medication
No stress
Reliance on self

Rely on the forum as well as other places for a while but stay strong
 
K

Kingdom Man

Member
Joined
Nov 15, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Ohio
Keep looking, there are A LOT more people that care about you than you realize. You're a way more amazing person than you think, you may not see this through the filter of your depression, but I can promise that a better day is coming. Winston Churchill said " if you're going through hell, keep on going".

You are an overcomer, I know because you've made it through everything that life has delt to you and it proves what an amazingly strong person you are. You have purpose and meaning in this world! I am a complete stranger and I know great things await you in life!!

Having depression myself, I know you don't truly want to end things, you just want the pain to stop. When I've had moments like that I had to dig deep and find my "happy thoughts" and think about all the things I am grateful for in my life no matter how small!!


WE NEED YOU HERE ! WE WANT YOU HERE!!
 
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