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(TRIGGERING) Severe relapse nothing like ive ever felt before.

A

Amz244

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Uk
I apologise if this post is trigerring but i just want someone who has been in the same boat as me to just listen to me as I find that no professional or close family member ever understands as they have not been through it.

I relapsed yesterday and started self harming out of anger as I had a stupid argument, before that I was a year and a half clean (I have been a self harmer for 8 years) . I feel better now but I am still harming as I love the feeling it gives me and always has given me and even if I am happy I will do it but the part that is scaring me the most and is driving me crazy and something that has never crossed my mind in the past at all, is this sudden urge to do serious damage to my arm or fingers

I know this sounds absolutely absurd but I dont know who to talk to about this if I go to a doctor they will think I am absolutely insane and I understand that but I am scared of going too. I cant help but thinking about seriously damaging my arm or fingers and I dont know why as I feel fine emotionally.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
6,868
Location
Teesside
I understand how anger can be a trigger to self harm. I too have that problem (though i am 6 months clean).
When i get angry i get angry with myself and the monster in my head tells me to hurt myself. At this time you need to be strong and to remember that the urges do pass. They are just intrusive thoughts, there to taunt you. But you can be strong. Ok so you relapsed, do not be hard on yourself. Start again, start afresh.

Your doctor would understand, they see people like us regularly. Its not a big shock to them. I remember when i told my doctor i handed him a piece of paper as i couldnt tell him myself, it just said on it 'I self harm' and that then got into the conversation that needed to happen.

Please do not damage your arm or fingers, you need them to survive in life. If you want to chat more you are more than welcome to PM me.
Keep strong, Hugs
Fox
 
A

Amz244

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Uk
I understand how anger can be a trigger to self harm. I too have that problem (though i am 6 months clean).
When i get angry i get angry with myself and the monster in my head tells me to hurt myself. At this time you need to be strong and to remember that the urges do pass. They are just intrusive thoughts, there to taunt you. But you can be strong. Ok so you relapsed, do not be hard on yourself. Start again, start afresh.

Your doctor would understand, they see people like us regularly. Its not a big shock to them. I remember when i told my doctor i handed him a piece of paper as i couldnt tell him myself, it just said on it 'I self harm' and that then got into the conversation that needed to happen.

Please do not damage your arm or fingers, you need them to survive in life. If you want to chat more you are more than welcome to PM me.
Keep strong, Hugs
Fox
Thank you for the advice, i never thought about writing it all down and giving the letter/paper to a doctor, I will do that. Its just so hard making my brain think differently, it just feels like I am not in control at times or not connected with my body😔
 
TheSadnessWillLastForever

TheSadnessWillLastForever

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Ohio
Sometimes I want to hurt my fingers because it seems almost easier and easier to deal with and sometimes just for a new place to do it, just wanted to let you know you’re not alone with those thoughts, but they do pass so stay strong and definitely seek help, that was one of the best things I ever did for myself.
 
A

Amz244

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Uk
Sometimes I want to hurt my fingers because it seems almost easier and easier to deal with and sometimes just for a new place to do it, just wanted to let you know you’re not alone with those thoughts, but they do pass so stay strong and definitely seek help, that was one of the best things I ever did for myself.
Thats exactly how I think when I want to damage my fingers, I am definately going to try and get help as I dont want to do something that I will regret and cant turn back from. It will be hard but for the best.
 
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