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Triggered!!!

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Bag_Lady

Member
Joined
Jun 27, 2020
Messages
6
Location
UK
I am feeling suicidal. My home is a flat within a 'social housing" block, it's so tiny everybody's practically on top of each other. Lockdown has made things 100 times worse coz can't escape. It would take too long to explains all my triggers and issues here, but they're being set off bigtime at the moment and I feel suicidal most of the time. My neighbours don't understand my difficulties but are quiet and considerate as a rule. Most of the triggers, however , are related to my home situation and when I've "acted out" it's been because of too many triggers going off at the same time and I just havent been able too stay in control of myself. My hearing is VERY sensitive and I can hear neighbours talking about me. Sorry to dump all this here but I just feel so alone
 
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ScatterBrain

Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Israel
Shit, i dont even know what to say, lockdown fucks up so many coping options. But i dont want to leave your post unanswered! I get suicidal thoughts sometimes, and i can only start to imagine how you must be feeling right now. Always remember that these thoughts will eventually go away, lockdown will end and the whole world will relax. Breathe. How tight is lockdown in your area? Can you go outside into nature somewhere? That helped me a lot.. As for your neighbours, can you play over them with music?
 
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Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
583
Location
U.S.
You could turn on a fan to block out the sound or wear ear plugs that you could get at a hardware store.
 
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Bag_Lady

Member
Joined
Jun 27, 2020
Messages
6
Location
UK
Thanks Scatterbrain and Purple Plum for your replies, I really appreciate it. Yes, I do have earplugs, and yes there is lovely countryside where I live, so am lucky. This will probably sound really bitter but I have really deep rooted issues around personal relationships, I am in my 50s and still single and no children. Having other peoples "normal" lives shoved in my face really hurts sometimes, e.g. loved-up young couples, families, kids, grandchildren etc visiting other residents here The look of horror when I tell people I'm not married and don't have kids really hurts. My adopted mum died 2 years ago and my dad 5 years ago, they were my main reason to stay alive.. My early childhood 0-5 was total shit, really dysfunctional! You know it really helps just to tell you folks how I'm feeling, even if no one replied . Sending love and good vibes....
 
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bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
1,028
Location
England
I am so sorry you lost your adopted mum and dad. That must be so tough. It is so ignorant of people to judge you for not being married or having children. Not everybody wants that and they should not be made to feel odd.
 
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Bag_Lady

Member
Joined
Jun 27, 2020
Messages
6
Location
UK
Nice to hear from you bpd2020. Yes, I agree. I try not to judge or criticise others, that's what is so good about the forum. I have a really nice therapist I speak to once a week, (on the phone , coz of lockdown) but it feels like a long time in between.
 
Hillman hunter

Hillman hunter

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 26, 2019
Messages
389
Location
Stourbridge
Hello, its good you have a therapist to talk to,it helps me a lot too,
Suicidal thoughts are terrifying arnt they,
The forum is a good place to turn to in times of need,
I'm single as well, and I get the micky taken out of me at work,
I feel like a alien there as I'm different,

I hope you feel better soon,
Take care of yourself
 
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Bag_Lady

Member
Joined
Jun 27, 2020
Messages
6
Location
UK
Thanks for replying, Hillman, and for reminding me that suicidal thoughts are only - just thoughts...
 
Hillman hunter

Hillman hunter

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 26, 2019
Messages
389
Location
Stourbridge
Hi, yes my therapist has to keep on telling me to challenge the thoughts,
She said its like a huge wave coming over me,
And to try to distract myself, play music, play with cats or rabbit,
Exercise, anything,
But it so frightening isn't it,
 
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ScatterBrain

Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Israel
Suicide thoughts are super frightening! I sometimes get them even when i am in a good position, like I am enjoying lunch with my colleagues and suddenly an open window would trigger them. I like to visualise these thoughts as part of my disorder, like a broken leg that starts hurting. It doesnt always help, but understanding them as a separate entity does help me to fight against them.
 
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