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***TRIGGER WARNING: violence*** Nightmare about highschool massacre

calmleaves

calmleaves

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somewhere in paradise
Just as i thought, i have nightmare again last night. I didn't know what did i do wrong why am i keep getting horrible nightmares like this? maybe because i watch a horror podcast last night... but uh... even without watching that podcast, i still have horrible nightmares. It was so scary... so so scary... so intense... i'm really scared... i'm so scared. i was helpless.

The nightmare started when i walked to a new high school, so in the dream, i was still a highschooler. So i get inside a class, and i saw my teacher back from middle school. It was friday, everyone are wearing decent modest uniform since it's friday. I enjoyed the first day of the class. And then all of sudden i met this person. I'm not sure if i ever met this person before, he is a male, tall and curvy. I'm not sure if he is someone i knew from middle school or high school, but he seems familiar. In the dream, i didn't recognize him at first. His name is aptx. He is in the same class with me, he kept talking to me, i don't know what the wants. He said he knew me in the past. And then i realized that we were in the same japan club in highschool (but in real life, i really don't know who he is and i didn't go to the same highschool with him).

We talked a lot and i enjoyed the conversation we have during the class. But then he started talking about stuff i couldn't understand... he said in the past, i was mad at him because he couldn't undersand me. He asked me "do you still blame guys who can't understand you?" and i said "what are you talking about?"
He said "don't you remember the guy you met on twitter?"
I said "twitter? i try to remember and i got a flashback that the guy i met on twitter was an ex back in highschool"
I felt anxious, and looked around. I don't want people to hear about this so i just brush it off. I felt guilty now. For the way i treated him in real life. But it wasn't my fault.. i was just a kid.. i was still in highschool.. i was just a teenager.. my brain hasn't fully developed... my BPD was really bad at the time.. and he... he is much older than me, he was an adult, in university. He shouldn't even try to date me... it's not my fault.. i'm so sorry... i didn't mean to be mean.. but everything was super confusing and too much to handle when i was in highschool... he wasn't the best person either.... he was the one who left and won't come back... it's all my fault i'm so sorry....

After that, we moved to other class. For some reason in this class, we have to take off our shoes and put it in front of class. And we had to sit in a carpet in the class. After the class ended, i'm trying to find my shoes and i saw a janitor took my shoes but i'm still on disbelieve so i kept trying to look for my shoes in front of the class but i couldn't find it. I felt really upset and angry. I had to use unknown ugly shoes i don't know who own it. And then i got flashbacks of my time in middle school, how i experienced the same thing in middle school where somebody stole my shoes and nobody cares. People goes on with their lives. They don't care about me. I was really upset and sad and nobody want to help. My brother who was in the same school with me told me not to report to the teacher because teacher will punish everyone in the class. And then people making fun of me for losing my shoes. It was such a really bad experience.

And then i saw bad students in other class. They were fighting... and i saw aptx trying to stop the fight and stood up for the victim. I feel worried for aptx's safety. Those guys seem really dangerous. Out of nowhere, they started beating aptx. I don't know what happened, everything's dark. Everyone started running to the building. It's so crowded. I can't see aptx anywhere. I feel so lost. All of sudden i'm already in a room filled with students who are afraid as well. I don't know what's going on.
One female student was feeling really scared and anxious, i hold her hands and cried and said we will be okay. I'm still scared.

It's crazy outside the room... everyone are beating up each other.... trying to kill each other.. it's a mess... it's very loud... i'm scared.
One male student trying to call the police without others knowing, i'm very anxious, afraid we will found out trying to call the police.
He's been trying to call the police for few times using his Iphone, but it doesn't work, the police won't answer. we all get very frustated. I grabbed his phone and trying to call the police myself. one of the bad student who kills people get inside our room and checking stuff. we pretend that we didn't do anything suspicious and didn't call the police. everyone trying to cover up for me.

I managed to call the police. Everything is now more a mess. I heard gunshot... i saw a smoke... it's so scary.. everyone screaming and running... the students they all take off their clothes... i don't know whats happening. i feel very scared, confused and lost. the worst part is that i'm alone. watching all this tragedy in front of my eyes. And as the noises getting louder, i woke up.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Were you involved in one of these events? or just very affected by one and having nightmares about them?

They hurt me so deeply too
 
calmleaves

calmleaves

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somewhere in paradise
Were you involved in one of these events? or just very affected by one and having nightmares about them?

They hurt me so deeply too
Are you asking me about in real life, or in the dream? "^^

I'm so sorry... you didn't deserve any of that 😔 :hug1:
 
Racer

Racer

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hi calmleaves, i am sorry to hear about your nightmares, i know how painful and real they can feel. i hope you get some sleep tonight
 
Bod

Bod

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Hi calmleaves I am sorry you are having these horrific nightmares as they must be so terrifying to go through those, I use to have some pretty horrific nightmares and they were always based around me sometimes I would wake up crying or screaming out and my parents would come in to calm me down and I just use to think I was weird sometimes I would be sat in bed and then I would be in like a day dream as I was not. in bed but going through my abuse and I could feel being touched and I could smell and now thank god after all those years I do not have night mares. The reason why I am waiting to see a new therapist is I had a fall quite a while ago and some school children ran over to help me but they started to laugh but two did not laugh at all, and they told the others to clear off saying can't you see he is struggling and they stayed with me until I calmed right down so on certain things I have to be careful as it can trigger me but these two knew something was wrong and helped me. What I am trying to say is not everyone is bad and I hope you can understand that.
 
calmleaves

calmleaves

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Joined
Jul 30, 2021
Messages
491
Location
somewhere in paradise
Hi calmleaves I am sorry you are having these horrific nightmares as they must be so terrifying to go through those, I use to have some pretty horrific nightmares and they were always based around me sometimes I would wake up crying or screaming out and my parents would come in to calm me down and I just use to think I was weird sometimes I would be sat in bed and then I would be in like a day dream as I was not. in bed but going through my abuse and I could feel being touched and I could smell and now thank god after all those years I do not have night mares. The reason why I am waiting to see a new therapist is I had a fall quite a while ago and some school children ran over to help me but they started to laugh but two did not laugh at all, and they told the others to clear off saying can't you see he is struggling and they stayed with me until I calmed right down so on certain things I have to be careful as it can trigger me but these two knew something was wrong and helped me. What I am trying to say is not everyone is bad and I hope you can understand that.
thank you bod....
i'm very sorry for what you've been through...
you are really a kind person...
 
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