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**Trigger warning, specifics of harm to others* Paranoia and Delusional thoughts

J

Jane Fouled

New member
Joined
Mar 18, 2015
Messages
1
**Trigger warning, specifics of harm to others* Paranoia and Delusional thoughts

Hey, I posted a question like this on numerous sites about a year ot two ago but can't seem to remember if I posted it here and what the responses were.

My post from 2 years ago:
I am terrified of being victim to an acid attack. This was after I saw a YouTube video about someone getting acid thrown on them. Ever since then I am getting really paranoid like, a few days ago i saw a video of a woman getting attacked by a guy punching her in the face and she had ti get facial reconstruction and there is a commercial on tv talking about a chemical attack in Syria. My suddenly paranoid head put two and two together and two together and I got scared if I would be a victim of a chemical attack (acid) and would have to get facial reconstruction. Then I had to abort a program on my laptop and a pop up said my computer is at risk (I've been getting this years before) I started to get really paranoid again thinking that I would get raped and would have to abort the baby and I would be at risk. My mind is tricking me into thinking that these are signs although I know that they're not! I am always on my heart is always beating out of my chest because of my sudden paranoia what do I do? I also so a video of a man at the back of an ambulance that that he was in a crashing helicopter and the woman who was treating him died in a helicopter crash later on (making me paranoid that these "signs" can tell the future). This morning I walked past my brother and he said "Im warning you" singing lyrics to a song and its like everything I hear I think is a "sign" and its driving me insane! Im just lying in bed scared and depressed feeling hopeless. I feel like Im going crazy and want to die. *I was reading an article about an a girl on a
reality television show who threw an insult to someone saying she had "major facial reconstruction" and a lot of paintings in my home that are "faceless" everything I see freaks me out! It came out of nowhere and it's ******* with my head, I actually think something is seriously wrong with me. I have always had a paranoid personality but I can usually brush it off.

After a while things have calmed down with some bumps in the road but recently it has gotten bad again. I decided that I wanted to be a firefighter and while doing some research I saw the first female firefighter who died and she looked similar to me. This is when the paranoia came back again. I thought that because she looked like me I would face the same fate. When I was reading the article about it I read the word "suspicious" and thought that maybe the people I worked with would murder me.

I was watching criminal minds and the killer had half his face burned off and that brought me back to the "acid attack". I ended up letting it go until I got interested in the military and started to research it, I came across a story of a women who was raped and and murdered in the army and had corrosive liquid poured on her genitals to disguise evidence. This made me think of the acid attack again and I began to get paranoid. Later that day I saw a video on YouTube where there was another man with half his face burned off. Every person mentioned was black which brought me back to paranoid thoughts about the KKK planning on killing me. They all have the same race as me which leads me to believe that they all represent me.

Another paranoid thought I am having is that someone will attack me for being a female in a male dominated job as all jobs I am interested in are male dominated. I kept coming across people with sexist opinions and saw an episode of Law and Order where a woman was kidnapped and raped for making a video game for women. Another incident was 2 years ago I was watching a a tv show when a character said the number 7 and for some reason it stuck out to me for some reason and there was a show that watched that revolved around the number 7. Recently when I was sitting down on my bed with my earphones in my ears and my music began to play by accident twice. The first time the word "decade" came up. In a decade I'll be 27. The second time it played a motivational speech I have downloaded popped up and it said something among the lines of, "one day you will be on your death bed and your dreams will be surrounding you telling you "we came to you" I interpreted this as my dreams being the "signs" I see and me ignoring them will be my downfall.

I know this is crazy but I can't help but have my mind trick me into believing these things. Every time I think about my future career (firefighting, military or police) my mind keeps going back to my paranoia which is stopping me from pursuing my dreams. I cannot go to a therapist so that's not an option. How can I be normal again and stop letting this run my life.

** When I wason yYouTube earlier there were two recommended videos that both had "7 years" in the title which made to paranoid and get me thinking that at the age of 27 or in 7 years the incident will happen to me. Today I changed my phone password toJames Ronda, a name I have never heard before and again I got paranoid and thought that it was a clue to who will attack me (crazyI know). It's like I am constantly seeing signs and tryingto solve a puzzle and ssomething is trying to warn me. TThing is I know that it's not real and some days I'll laugh at myself for believing such nonsense then the next day the delusions over power my logic.
 
C

Christobel

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 6, 2014
Messages
1,075
Location
South west
Welcome to the forum! I recognise some of the features you describe. In a psychotic phase of my illness I was always putting two and two together and making five. I'm not saying you are psychotic, but it might be worth seeing your GP. I think while you are feeling unwell it might be advisable to avoid YouTube as some of the videos can be quite disturbing.
 
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