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Takingmybrain

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i hope this post wont be against the rule guide lines.

Ive lost alot weight over last 6 months. My private theraspist says i now have body dysmorphia because i see no change and still feel just as fat.
I feel people lying to me when they say ive lost alot of weight.

I cant stop,im obessessed. I cant eat without guilt or shame.its now at a point if i try to eat the voices in my head make me need to self harm after eating because im so fat and ashamed. The weights coming off very fast now but i wont see a doctor because o habe paranioa against them.

Does anyone have any tips on how to not want to self harm after eating? I feel so guilty and ashamed. Im eating less and less as every day goes by and i feel terible i cant think straight at all and have no energy and im hardly sleeping.
I feel so ashamed of being so fat and i cant escape it.people have seen me this fat now they wont ever for get that. Im stuck fat. I want to be immediately now.

I know i should distract myself more but its the voices too in my head i cant shut them up.
Any advice greatful. Thanks
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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I know it is not want you want to hear but you have to tell your doctor. You have an eating disorder and it is vital you have professional help to overcome it. I am so sorry you hurt yourself because of how you feel.
 
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Takingmybrain

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The doctors wont care because my weight is not underweight and critical yet and my self harm is not yet life threatening so they wont care till either those happen. I started off very overy weight so now im just normal but i want to be thinner and i need it now.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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Your weight does not determine if you have an eating disorder. I have an eating disorder and I had to have therapy for it. Self harm is to be taken seriously no matter how it is done. I am so sorry you think you are not ill enough for help. To me you are suffering and that needs to be supported.
 
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Takingmybrain

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I do see a private therapist twice a month but i dont see her again for another week and its getting alot worse very quick. I dont trust the nhs i feel like they are trying to kill me. I just want to stop this all bit i eant to ne thin.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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It is very difficult not to trust the nhs. Is it possible to see a private therapist that specialises in eating disorders?
 
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Takingmybrain

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She does specialise in eating disorders but because shes new to me and we were having do it over video call she didnt notice all the weight loss. Now she ees me in person she kbows but we only just started talking about body dysmorphia last week and i told her it makes me want to harm myself but i wasnt as bad then but now its constant and i end up harming mysrlf evety time i eat cos i feel too guilty and ashamed. Imnot allowed to contact her between sessions though so i have wait till next session if i can. I need ways to cope
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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Well I am very glad you are seeing the right therapist. It does take time to form a connection and to be able to discuss all you are experiencing. Okay, lets think about the s.h. How about holding an ice cube? That is painful but not harmful.
 
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Takingmybrain

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Well I am very glad you are seeing the right therapist. It does take time to form a connection and to be able to discuss all you are experiencing. Okay, lets think about the s.h. How about holding an ice cube? That is painful but not harmful.
I dont know how reply and say this in a way that doesnt break the rules. Ive been having to self harm in a superfical certain way because the voices tell me to take the fat off another way thats more dangerous. I feel i just need to aviod any sh behaviours all together. Like just total other distractions but its hard because of the voices are so loud and constant. Ive just no energy or motvation either.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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It is hard to break the cycle but it is really positive you want to break it. There is a sh forum on here and guides. Maybe that will help.
 
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Takingmybrain

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I keep crying after every time i have to eat something thats a more then a snack cos i feel so full and guilty. Its so horrible.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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I am so sorry. You are entitled to eat food. Eating disorders are so cruel and illogical.
 
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Purpleplum

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The doctors wont care because my weight is not underweight and critical yet and my self harm is not yet life threatening so they wont care till either those happen. I started off very overy weight so now im just normal but i want to be thinner and i need it now.
Oh gosh it's true, they don't pay attention until then. They're so blind to the real problem.
Don't rely on them. You can do it yourself believe or not. The power is all in your mind to do it and you can.
Is it looking in mirrors you hate? Don't look in mirrors then. Is it photos of you that you hate? Don't take or look at photos then. Get busy, busy busy with other things. Do you have a pet? Can you get one? Do you have a hobby?
 
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