***TRIGGER WARNING **** Discussing sexual Abuse ****

[starfoxxy90]

Back when I was only 21 years old I had been in a very physical and verbal and mental and emotional relationship with an ex-boyfriend who was 20 years old at the time and he had told me that he had been enjoying watching and viewing porn and it made me sick to my stomach. So badly that I just thought that if I had used my own body for his issues then I could save children, while he was doing the act on me and I felt hurt by how my body would just let go and he was pleased by how my body would do stuff in reaction to his sicken ways.. I got confused on why the body would reI was told by that ex-boyfriend to call him personal family names it made me feel sick and he had raped 5 different nights throughout our sicken evil relationship in 2011 while we would be in his grandparent's basement and he would tell me if I ever told anyone no one would believe since I enjoy doing sexual stuff in my past. It made me sick and I went to court for an order of protection against that ex-boyfriend at that time I was fearful of him since I had let him use my apple iPod and I never knew until later that he would use that to view all that disgust and sicken stuff. I was fearful I would be charged by the police since it was my item and my iPod. I am sorry I felt as if I never get out of that sicken evil relationship. I could be hurt and even murdered by this ex-boyfriend. I still feel if I told anyone maybe he could get help mental with his issues. Am I being too hard on myself since I had been raped victim back when I was 15 years old by a disgusting pig who lied about his real age at the time back in 2005 and shown me a fake drivers license saying it 17-year-old person who turned out be found online on the sex offender registry in my local US State website and that 17-year pig turned out to be really a 23 year who had raped another minor even younger than me being 15 years old at this time.



I am really sorry if I had triggered anyone. I do not mean any harm, I am just very confused on why my body had reacted like that with the ex-boyfriend who is a disgusting pig of a person.

 

[JeanPierre]

If your only concern is your body reacting;
Sex is biological and natural. Humans (and animals) exist to reproduce.

Your body reacting is normal even though you did not invite the sexual advances.
*you did nothing wrong!
Whether you were 15 or 21........you did nothing wrong.
You are the victim of rape.

Do you see a doctor or can you talk to a doctor?