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***TRIGGER WARNING: discusses physical, sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse*** Is it possible that i hear voices because of traumatic experiences?

calmleaves

calmleaves

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somewhere in paradise
is it possible that i hear voices because of traumatic experiences?
I've been hearing voices for the past 3 years of my life. Usually voices i hear are either my worst fears or the things i really care about being hurt.
For example, i'd often hear voices of my evil auntie's vehicle in front of my house even though there is no vehicle around. And i'd get super scared and panic and i would pretend to sleep so then i don't have to see her but turned out i was just hearing voices. I'd often hear her voices too from the living room, it's very loud. But there's no one around. Whenever i hear a sound (real ones) of vehicle in front of my house i'd always so scared, panic and shaking because i thought that was her. i'd often pretend to sleep immediately when i hear these voices even though it wasn't real.

I also often heard voices of cats fight outside in my terrace. Which makes me really panic and scared because i don't want any cats to be hurt or fighting. Whenever i hear these voice i immediately run to the terrace but i saw nothing.

And then i'd also hear voices of stray cats that often came to my house. I'd hear her voices crying. And it made me panic and my heart beat fast and i rushed outside trying to find her but can't see her anywhere.

And then i'd hear voices of cats crying being beaten up by someone. I thought it's my sociopath narcissist brother beating up stray cats so i'd always rushed to the living room to check if any cats has been harmed but i saw nothing. Just him sitting in living room. These voices mostly happened when he is at home.

And then i'd hear voices of my nephew crying being abused by his parents... they live in the same house as me and everyday his parents brutally abused him everyday. and during the time he wasn't abused, i'd hear voices of him crying being abused. i'd rush outside from my room to check but i saw nothing. he is only a toddler but his parents treat him like... a trash bag.

me and my evil auntie:
She started obssessing with me since 2-3 years ago after i graduated from high school. I have a lot of free time at home and being at home a lot ever since i graduated high school and trying to apply to several best universities in my country. She sometimes came to my house and talked to me and she started growing a bond with me. I was just being nice to her but she claimed me as her favorite and she is obsessed with me. At first, she only came to my house twice or three times every month, but ever since she grew closer to me, she came to my house 5 times a week. She started obsessing with me in a bad way and controlling my life, she told me to do A, B, Z, X. She took me to places far from my house only to accompany her and be her robot. She forced me to attend many courses. She emotionally and physically abuse me, she loved to bully my appearance, she loved to find any little mistake i have. She loved to tell me what to do, deciding which person i'm allowed to talk, which friends i'm allowed to have, how i should act, how i should choose my dream. She forced me to go to many places out of town by train, and often she starved me during the trip. Even when i'm sick, she still forced me to go with her. I have been having several chronic illness since i was 12 years old but she never believe me and she kept forcing me to go to many far places with her. She took me to many alternative therapy (example: acupuncture, massage) in order to cure my illnesses (which is not actually her intention because she just want more power in myself that's why she took me to those places) and those places are always crowded and i have to wait in line for hours under the sun with no drink and no food. She did these on purpose to torture me. In the past she even took me to exorcism because she thought there's demon in my body.

My evil auntie often force me to wear what she approve, to always cover my body, to always wear certain clothing, to never wear make up, to never be nice to opposite gender. She want to control who i'm allowed to date, who i'm allowed to marry. She want to control what kind of work i should do after i graduated from university. She controlled my life more than any of my parent ever has. She loved to hurt my feeling with her cruel words, she loved to intimidating me, she loved to force me do house chores and force me to take care of my father despite my chronic illnesses. Because i took a gap year and ended up not getting applied in best universities in my country, she forced me to apply in a cheap bad quality university she wanted and she's willing to pay for it. But it's not because she care about me but it's because she wants to feel good about herself that she managed to pay for my tuition which are not much by the way. And also it's not from her own money, she damand money from many people. She thinks that she own me completely just because she paid for my cheap tuition and because she sometimes give me pocket money which is worth less than 5$. And she forced me to respect her completely and forced me to obey in whatever she told me to do or else she won't pay for my tuition anymore and scare me that i will be dropped out and nobody else is willing to pay for my tuition (financial abuse). She also always talk highly about herself, as if she is some kind of hero that helps starving children in africa. She is very arrogant and ignorant and selfish. She often forced me to help her and do hard work and forced me to translate tons of paper by my own hand. She forced me to get all A's and if she found i have B she will scold me and humiliate me and force me to get A for the next semester.

Her house is pretty far from my house but she is willing to drive to my house almost everyday just because she's obsessed with me and want to torture my life everyday. My parents neglected me and one is poor and the other one had stroke so they can't pay for my education. They let me be abused by my evil auntie even though i keep staring at their eyes when my evil auntie forcing me to do stuff or taking me to places hoping they'd help me or at least say something or defend me. But they don't. My father encourage my evil auntie to abusing me and be on her side and defending her. My mom care too little to help me. They just act like they are blind seeing me suffering everyday. Not only that i have to be my evil auntie's robot and go to places with her with train. I also have to take care of my abusive pervert father and accompany him to all places.

She also forbid every little thing i do. Because i have chronic migraines for years, she forbid me to drink cold water and making it into such a big deal. She forbid me to tell my friends that i have chronic illnesses because she doesn't want i get the privilige and attention i deserve. There are too many things that she forbid that i can't even remember.

I get really paranoid and scared whenever i hear vehicle's sound in front of my house because i'm scared it's my evil auntie. Often i had to pretend to sleep for hours so then i don't have to meet her.

My evil auntie also hired a private teacher to force me to become a teacher and do public speaking which i hate the most. A year and half ago i finally told her that i don't want to do any of the courses anymore because of my illnesses. At first she couldn't accepted my decision. So i messaged my private teacher and told him that i want to quit and i have many chronic illnesses, but of course he didn't believe me and underestimate my illnesses and he said i need to change my perspective on things. But my decision can't be changed. And then few days after we had a big fight because she forbid me to drink cold water, and then i talked back at her and told her i asked my doctor and i had proof of what the doctor said that cold water wouldn't do anything to me, and then my evil auntie screamed at me and told me that it's all lie and it's all because i'm too low that i want to follow my desire to drink cold water. And then all the cursing words came out from her mouth and she almost went physical again. I left the room and let her rambled to my father very loud so then i can hear her talking sh*t about me. I never apologize to her but she can't live without me so few days after she acted like nothing happened. And after that i don't have any courses anymore.

Then a month after, she found out about my whatsapp stories. I have whatsapp account and i often posted in the stories that lasted for 24 hours. I forgot to tap the "hide" option to hide my content from her. She found out that i love to take pictures (normal picture, just my face) and share it to public and that i sometimes share music video that include some nsfw stuff in them (not even that bad) and she took all the screenshot for the proof, then talked sh*t behind my back with one of my cousin that i called Pig Cousin. The two of them called me sl*t, wh*re, idiot, dumb and all the bad stuff in the whole whatsapp chat and turned out that they have been talking behind my back for a whole year calling me all the bad stuff and saying that i deserve to be r*pe and that i'm a sex addict.

My evil auntie and my pig cousin then came to my house wanting to confront me in front of my mom, and too bad for them i was sleeping, so then they told everything to my mom including the proof of it. And they also told my abusive older sister and maybe the whole big family i don't know. The next day my evil auntie came to my house and forced me to go with her to a restaurant and she confronted me and humiliate me in front of everyone and scolded me for hours saying that i look like a person that deserved to be r*pe and that i'm a sl*t, idiot, etc etc.

i hope i can leave one day.. maybe once i live in a better environment far far away from my abusive family, the voices will get less?
 
Marrex

Marrex

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Sounds like you got some major PTSD, and rightly so. Honestly I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't know where you're from or if it's even possible, but have you ever considered just up and leaving it all behind? Like it sounds like your whole family isn't worth sticking around for, is it possible you can move away? My family used to be very controlling (somehow it has gotten better in recent years) and so for months I planned in secret on how I'll manage to get away. I'd hide away bits of money here and there, just enough for them not to notice at a time, and I'd start to apply for whatever housing programs / assistance programs in secret as well. If she got physical, if worse comes to worse, you can also record it next time you think it'll happen and if/when she does: TAKE THAT TO THE AUTHORITIES! She doesn't have the right to put her hands on you. Nobody does. Best wishes -Marrex
 
Passionflower

Passionflower

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It is entirely possible that your are hearing voices because of all the trauma you have been through. Have you got a diagnosis?
 
calmleaves

calmleaves

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Joined
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Location
somewhere in paradise
Sounds like you got some major PTSD, and rightly so. Honestly I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't know where you're from or if it's even possible, but have you ever considered just up and leaving it all behind? Like it sounds like your whole family isn't worth sticking around for, is it possible you can move away? My family used to be very controlling (somehow it has gotten better in recent years) and so for months I planned in secret on how I'll manage to get away. I'd hide away bits of money here and there, just enough for them not to notice at a time, and I'd start to apply for whatever housing programs / assistance programs in secret as well. If she got physical, if worse comes to worse, you can also record it next time you think it'll happen and if/when she does: TAKE THAT TO THE AUTHORITIES! She doesn't have the right to put her hands on you. Nobody does. Best wishes -Marrex
Hello thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and responding to it, i really appreciate it ☺

Yeah i completely agree, i do feel like i have that. I have nightmare every night regarding my traumas for years but i'm used to it ☺

I've considered to run away since i was in highschool, i've tried every possible way to do it but none of it succeed. I tried to apply for universities in other town away from my family, i tried to apply for scholarship, i tried to apply for a training program in other town, but none of it works. Well one does work, i was accepted in one of the scholarship but my mother forbid me to go and break her promise to pay for the living expenses so there wasn't really a way out at the time.

My family never ever worth even a single minute of my life. I have always planned to move out but almost all my plans always failed or dangerous. For now i have a similiar plan like you like save money to move out... but i'm still in university and unemployed and i have no money at all to save. sometimes i got money like 5$ from abusive relatives that visit my house but that's it and it's barely enough to save and i need to buy cat food too for stray cats around my house because i can't see them dying and i have basic neccessities that my family won't pay for me like facial wash, sunscreen, shampoo, soap, etc so whenever i got little pocket money i use it for those things and nothing left to save. I don't know how to do freelance work for now and i'm not sure i have the energy and mental capability for that since i'm super stressed with uni as well. So for now i'm just waiting till i graduate and work and save money. But there's some doubt if i will be able to save money since i tend to fill the void in my heart by shopping cute stuff since that's one of my happiness resource. I tend do impulsive shopping once i get money due to my BPD as well so i'm just gonna see what happen next which is scary indeed.

I'm so sorry that your family is controlling... i hope you'll be able to get away soon. You deserve a better environment 😞

I'm sorry, what does housing programs and assistance programs mean?

I used to have some proof of abuse from my family but unfortunately it's all gone in my old phone. And now i have no proof at all and the only abuse i received now is more like verbal abuse and emotional abuse while it's really much worse in the past and i'm not sure if any authorities will care if i give them proof of verbal/emotional abuse. And i've been avoidin any conflict and just suck it up for now because it affect me so much and it scares me a lot.

Thank you so much for your kind, comforting, caring and encouraging words i really appreciate it, it means a lot for me. I wish the best for you ☺
 
Marrex

Marrex

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Location
Oklahoma City
I'm sorry, what does housing programs and assistance programs mean?
So in my country, the USA, there's a housing / assistance program is like, hmm... How do I put this? How it works here is, if you're low income or you meet a certain criteria, the government can step in and help you. I'm on disability due to my mental illness, which is how I get my money. It's called social security income. For example, there was this thing where I live called the "Hope Program" that I was connected with through my therapist (but I don't think you need a therapist, she was just able to point me in the right direction) that got me an apartment. I moved out though just a month later. But my point is, depending on where you live, there may be similar government things to help you get on your feet.

Anyhow, I wish you the best, and if you ever need to vent further my inbox is always open. :) Take care!
 
calmleaves

calmleaves

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Joined
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Messages
493
Location
somewhere in paradise
So in my country, the USA, there's a housing / assistance program is like, hmm... How do I put this? How it works here is, if you're low income or you meet a certain criteria, the government can step in and help you. I'm on disability due to my mental illness, which is how I get my money. It's called social security income. For example, there was this thing where I live called the "Hope Program" that I was connected with through my therapist (but I don't think you need a therapist, she was just able to point me in the right direction) that got me an apartment. I moved out though just a month later. But my point is, depending on where you live, there may be similar government things to help you get on your feet.

Anyhow, I wish you the best, and if you ever need to vent further my inbox is always open. :) Take care!
Ohhh yes i know what you mean! i heard about that! Thank you for explaining to me ☺
Unfortunately, i live in a third world country which means my country is very poor and barely access or help for people with disability and illnesses. Here we don't have something like that at all, government doesn't care about my suffering. In fact, if i report abuser i might be the one getting in trouble since here we can bribe police and judges very easily especially when someone have a connection with government. Victims are being manipulated and blamed.

Thank you so much for your kind wishes and kind words! Same for you if you ever need to talk with someone my inbox always open ☺ i wish you the best and i hope you'll be able to leave soon ☺
 

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