***TRIGGER WARNING***Cause you had a bad day You're taking one down, You sing a sad song just to turn it around

bobshocker

bobshocker

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***TRIGGER WARNING***Cause you had a bad day You're taking one down, You sing a sad song just to turn it around

its been a bad day.

reflection is such a damaging thing.

my old man used to kick the shit out of me when I was a kid.

I fucking hated my council estate school, where I had to pretend to be a thug.

the time my wife lost the baby.

then my lovely, favorite nephew died when he was 10.

then i find out my dad was a pedo, and amongst others (many I reckon) abused my sister. then not so many years ago, the fucker abuses my 14 year old cousin with learning difficulties . (****s never been charged, cos her mother didnt want it public). I still love my dad, but I also want him to fucking die (in pain).

ya know? These therapists, with their expensive , private educations, and their expensive cars. ya know what I think. I think they don't know shit.

Hey says the Therapist? Let's talk CBT, let's talk NLP, lets talk coaching, let's talk coping strategies for when you next go to Tesco's for some milk. Uhhhh ? let's not.

I'm fucking done. I really am fucking done.

I'm damaged. damaged beyond repair.

you cant be politically correct , when you talking about them.
 
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GoghTardis

GoghTardis

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I am still hugging you.

Take it, take my hugs!

(The funny thing is I suck at hugs in person unless I really mean it, I hate those "hello hugs" that people give daily)

I am sorry Bob. Truly, because I have had a list similar to yours
 
bobshocker

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I am still hugging you.

Take it, take my hugs!

(The funny thing is I suck at hugs in person unless I really mean it, I hate those "hello hugs" that people give daily)

I am sorry Bob. Truly, because I have had a list similar to yours
and that's what I'm talking about?

Most of us, most of us here, (not all), but a lot.

Been seriously fucked over.
 
PurpleLily

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I can totally relate and could write a list from birth to today for sure.
I read a saying years ago.. 'don't look back, it's not where you're going'.. but that is TOO hard to live by 100%. We are affected by events and situations no matter how hard we try to overcome them.

Really hope tomorrow is a brighter day and am also sending hugs.
 
bobshocker

bobshocker

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and that's what I'm talking about?

Most of us, most of us here, (not all), but a lot.

Been seriously fucked over.
and another shitting thing, is that, the bastard came in to my room when I was about 15, I was in bed, he started tickling me (like a joke ,yeh), he put his fore finger in his mouth and sucks it, then starts tickling me again.

Now, I was 15, and big enough to push him away, so all good yeh?

But I fucking knew, I fucking knew, what that *moderated* would have done.

I never talked to him about that. Not in all the years that followed.

but I fucking know.

what a *moderated*

I told ya he pressed my thumb against a boiling kettle when I was six, got caught for playing with matches. Had a bandage on for two weeks.

Like I said I still love him, I appreciate he's my dad, and it wasn't all bad, he was a clever guy, but how can you equate the loving father with the c-u-nt.

I knew at that time, if he could of, he would of.
 
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GoghTardis

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and that's what I'm talking about?

Most of us, most of us here, (not all), but a lot.

Been seriously fucked over.
I know. I was in trouble by age 3.
Then life got worse.

I got to read your post before the edit, understandable.

Sounds like you need a new therapist. I like mine, then I see a psychiatrist for meds and he is willing to talk as well, I think I got lucky. You however need a new doctor. They should know your triggers.
 
GoghTardis

GoghTardis

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Like I said I still love him, I appreciate he's my dad, and it wasn't all bad, he was a clever guy, but how can you equate the loving father with the c-u-nt.

I knew at that time, if he could of, he would of.
It is tough still having that love and being a parent yourself.

I am sorry.
 
calypso

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Sorry Bob, the c word is highly offensive to women. I removed it.
 
T

Taff

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hey there
I read the post too Bob,
Dragged up kid as well, council estate an all.
Kids just want to be loved, unconditionally. The thing is, people know that, and we ( still a kid me) get treated badly and we just want to be loved. It mixes you up no end. You love and hate at the same time.
Best therapy I have had is sitting talking to others who have been there, no white coats, no church steeple hands, no little brass sign saying engaged like a posh lavvy. Its complicated. xxx

This Be the Verse
By Philip Larkin 1922–1985 Philip Larkin


They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.


But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.


Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
 
Davey Blueeyes

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Hey Bob,

You are fucking amazing man. Will you be my mate, I don't have any?

What you have been through with that shit would fuck up Peter Pan so I wouldn't worry about that. You must feel awful about your dad and I can only understand your conflict there.

Hang in there fella, we need you around here
Davey x

Yep, giving you a kiss, I'm not gay but you need some love and you have it in spades on here mate
 
S

Springer Spaniel

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Bob shocker.. I feel for you man. I too was beat up my dad, and he had a job as a care officer in a children's home, and when one of the weans turned 16, they put her up in her own flat. My dad had an affair with her and eventually moved in with her and had 3 children.

Bloody embarrassing shit mate so I know.

Get over him mate, I have. I seen my dying dad at my sister's man's dad's funeral today and I couldn't even bring myself to speak to him.

I doubt I will be at my own dad's funeral. I have completely disassociated myself from him in my mind.
 
H

Hygklietononod

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calyso that is your opiniom. sorry bob i can relate
 
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pippinjay

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SBob you are not alone.

At the age of 1, I nearly fell off the sideboard where my mother placed me for a baby shot!
4. I smacked out at my daddy because he wanted to take a photograph of me in my vest and knickers and was sent to bed with no tea.
3. I almost toppled downstairs but sat down on the stop step instead. No stair carpets then either. So no dog muck on our shoes, neither.
5. I got chucked over my dad's shoulder and popped on his back for a donkey ride, and then a shoulder ride and nearly fell off backwards because he forgot I was there and grabbed my legs to save me. Tee hee :)
6. I was taught not to be mean to people or to lie or speak out of turn to adults, for children should be seen and not heard or smacked accordingly.
7. I was smacked horrendously for causing much upset in my family and my mother got hold of my hand and thrust it towards the fire in order to get through to me, that I must not steal, that I must be a good girl, and those pennies in her purse were for her, and not me. Not even when going to the shop for her errands not unless she said so for a threepenny treat, but only if I got all on the list.
8. I got bashed by my eldest sister because she wanted to. P did not like her too much nor she me. ;(
9 I got beaten with her fists by my next sister and given a chinese burn, because it was all a fashion and she was 14.
10. I learnt how to read properly and the teacher from my school came to my house at the end of the Summer Term to have a word with my Dabby, if noff my Mother, for something that I told him had happened at home, which nearly caused the total collapse of my childhood infrasture.

My sisters never forgave me for that one. Boo Hoo

11. I was well behind at school because my eyesight had been an issue when I was smaller and although in the top stream, was the bottom of the class, because I could not see the blackboard, or hear that the teacher was saying sit up straight girl or you will never amount to nothing and stop dreaming or you will get a ruler across your hand. And don't forget to tell your Mother.

and before I go any further.... Do you want me to go on with the positives or shall I just ditch myself in another thread and turn all backwards and tell you all what the c word really means around here.

It means could not care less, but I do so really, if I relate to the D H L scenario and bring to mind tho thou thoo censorship for the world famous book, then I truly do believe if I had not thumbed the pages of my mother's paperback copy, when she was over at Ruby's having a real nice cosy talk and cup of Rosy Lee, I might not be sitting here today, with children of my own because a....

man once called me a Tw*t. A for a banana and an I for an Hid dee hup ! Puh:innocent: Bup a in the meantime I goff to be gud cos me mam sorrowful tales a sunder for meh lifeblood life line was the par sen nage up the wode wiv a grake giff foh puddin uz down, uz cownsull howerser ull Kips, so thap waas why I was determined to gep to be a quackers abook me evin tow give a possi tive perspection honor ip was nop hintended. Jussa mabe thp way.... Off to shower so off ere for a bit uh C :loveshower: ahhhh, sats better Shift+R improves the quality of this image. Shift+A improves the quality of all images on this page.Shift+R improves the quality of this image. Shift+A improves the quality of all images on this page.
 
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bobshocker

bobshocker

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SBob you are not alone.


man once called me a Tw*t. A for a banana and an I for an Hid dee hup ! Puh:innocent: Bup a in the meantime I goff to be gud cos me mam sorrowful tales a sunder for meh lifeblood life line was the par sen nage up the wode wiv a grake giff foh puddin uz down, uz cownsull howerser ull Kips, so thap waas why I was determined to gep to be a quackers abook me evin tow give a possi tive perspection honor ip was nop hintended. Jussa mabe thp way.... Off to shower so off ere for a bit uh C :loveshower: ahhhh, sats better .
I put the above in Google Translate, it did not appear to work.

I am however, very glad you are here today.
 
bobshocker

bobshocker

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I worry that my past shit has dealt me a terminal blow, and when I should be enjoying my middle age with stupid man toys, and family life, Instead I seem to be cursed with either morose introspection that really does try and kill me and then swinging to rapid bursts of childish behavior.
 
GoghTardis

GoghTardis

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I worry that my past shit has dealt me a terminal blow, and when I should be enjoying my middle age with stupid man toys, and family life, Instead I seem to be cursed with either morose introspection that really does try and kill me and then swinging to rapid bursts of childish behavior.
That has to be at least half of us.
 
pippinjay

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An na can't fault yah, bobshocker for the time below is all your own, and I intend to wear my purple hat, plus stick on railins whenever I want to, even though her next door is insane about YO, or she will be the day she meeps yo in a dark place with your gun ready to pop out her.... night security light which has become now a real nop nop nice point toffa issue. An na oh my God, she leaves the window open par se. Someone tape me up for am no one bupper disphadvantidger. As I said see below

I worry that my past shit has dealt me a terminal blow, and when I should be enjoying my middle age with stupid man toys, and family life, Instead I seem to be cursed with either morose introspection that really does try and kill me and then swinging to rapid bursts of childish behaviour x.
An na, yes you should always be a child at heart. And search your soul for more understanding whenever you want to, imo, anyhow.

P
 
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