*Trig* The abuse that cuts the deepest.

I

iliveinhell

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Aug 20, 2019
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uk
One of those things you can never shake, cracks you down to the core makes you vulnerable. I have been abused physically, sexually and emotionally throughout my life and still am but apart from giving MH conditions that further ruin life its not something that effects like this.

Love, letting someone in makes you vulnerable someone that has that abuse within them don't need to get past your defences because they already are. During the worst part of my life, just lost everything my wife and child at birth was not in a great place. Was not that long after I was found with another lady that fell so deeply in love with because at the time not in a place to make choices. This lady became my soulmate and best friend and for a couple of years was the best could hope for. The problem started when you notice one day that your being a puppet taken advantage of by your strings and vulnerability.

I don't know if anyone else comes across people like I do, unlucky that way. Just off the bat I have been ritually sexually abused in the past but nothing close to this. My ex is a highly delusional person with her own Mh issues but tries to put on the princess presentation to others. Throughout the time she has done so much damage physically, mentally and sexually but took it even further by including a child in abuse.

This person is highly motivated to stay clean, Disney princess complex and I am trying to fight her but people see that princess despite admitting to trying to murder a child, that she is the one abused during the relationship and people believe her and she lies like there is no tomorrow to get that appearance of a victim. I am in a bad position because the abuse from her has still not come to an end and also involves my child. I am in so much pain because of the abuse she has and keeps throwing at me. The only things that can hurt me the most is over my children and she knows it well and very vindictive with it. Hitting me, its fine because my condition allows me not to feel pain, but everything else is nto so easy.

Because of the constant abuse for near on 4 years it finally got to me, tried to finish it. It will not end any time soon, she is doing all she can to get at me and to separate me from my child because of her spite. The problem is after a lifetime of abuse I have learnt to love it on a very twisted level. Like my therapist was shocked when I had told him my ex came at me with a weapon but my response to it was my heart missing a beat and willing to marry her there and then - 3 sessions it took to explain it was abuse not love to me.

it os a lot more complicated than this really
 
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Z

Zoe1

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Jul 8, 2019
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n yeah, I have not had quite your level of abuse
but I have seen enough
that I believe everything you have said

and I too am a bit of a masochist when it comes to relationships
and this is something I find difficult to understand

I have been in therapy now for 35 years
and I still dont understand it
but there are little break throughs sometimes
including using this forum and encouraging others
not to accept abuse, is helping me to break it down

today my OT forgot my appointment yet again ...
he phoned to apologise and I gave him a bit of an earful,
and he did not react by getting angry back or being abusive !

its like one of my first experiences
where ive been allowed to express anger without being punished

its a start ...


:grouphug:
 
I

iliveinhell

Member
Joined
Aug 20, 2019
Messages
22
Location
uk
I feel your pain Zoe, I wish I had the experience of not getting punished for any slight I may have and don't have to be anything much in my case. Relationships are hard because there is no right formula to it not like a cup of tea. Take my ex, I did everything for her treated her like a goddess literally. It has been explained to me by psych "you can give diabetes through these stories" because im sweet and romantic. I never put a foot out of place with her and gave her a life she only dreamed of, and this is how it turned out. Relationships are difficult I agree.
RJ? that you ?
 
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