*trig* Odd topic to SH but I am curious.

I

iliveinhell

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It is something not widely spoken of and not met anyone else in the same position so I am curious if anyone here is alike.

Background, I come from a history of sexual abuse in many forms which may be a reason for it but lets see.
Has anyone here ever used sexual situations as a form of self harm?
Allowing people to take advantage of you despite desperately not wanting it
Always replace actual injury with sex, without a care for safety or wellbeing such as protection.
The fact some one new is sexually taking advantage of you on a multi time a week basis then yearn for it and the harm that comes with it instead of other harm?
many more examples but is a start
 
Z

Zoe1

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n yeah ... ive been there
I think currently I'm not in a relationship
because I cant trust my judgement
not to get into those situations

currently I'm thinking more about what makes a good friend
and what makes me a good friend

rather than what I'm looking for in a partner
which I see as too much of an advanced level at the moment

:grouphug:
 
HauntedWitch

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n yeah ... ive been there
I think currently I'm not in a relationship
because I cant trust my judgement
not to get into those situations
That sounds like a good idea! In books I've been studying lately about relationships and recovery from abuse, it's recommended that people wait until they know how to stop the pattern.

Apparently, it's common for people to go quickly from one abusive relationship to another. For example, people abused or exploited as children more frequently get into bad bf/gf relationships as teens. Part of it is a desire to purposely repeat the pattern and win this time, by making the new abuser give them the love the previous ones didn't. Part of it may be a desire to be rescued, making survivors vulnerable to being 'romanced' by a psychopath.
 
Z

Zoe1

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n yeah I have definitely a repeat pattern with this .
and when I was in my early twenties
I had a boyfriend who was nice and caring actually
but I felt no passion for him
not like the passion I felt for my violent one ...
there is some sort of adrenaline thing involved

now I'm not getting violence
but I think currently I'm craving some emotional abuse from my brother
because it will knock me out, make me feel sorry for myself
and get me lots of sympathy from my family

and its familiar ...


:grouphug:
 
I

iliveinhell

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It is nice to see I am not the only one to ever experience it. I thank you for sharing. I find as this is a pattern with me from one abusive to another or worse. No doubt will follow it again, I have learnt a lot since the last one but with my condition it is not much of a choice. There is a lady very strong female has a presence in a room but I know that would end the same way because mapped her psychology from speaking to her. I would worship this lady, it is rare to be compatible with a human - the bond recharges me the more aggressive and strong the more violence I get the stronger the bond.
 
HauntedWitch

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but I think currently I'm craving some emotional abuse from my brother
because it will knock me out, make me feel sorry for myself
and get me lots of sympathy from my family
Zoe, I hope you don't act on that craving. Taking your brother's abuse will make you feel worse. After the sympathy has died down, you'll feel bad about letting him take advantage of you.
 
I

iliveinhell

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For me tarantula's are the closest things to compatible beings or friends. Despite the bad name they have through fear are very nice creatures. Poecilotheria a strong species with a strong bite, beautiful to look at (I wont put it up for arachnophobia reasons ) look up P.metallica. Warning legs that they display when upset or threatened, fast and agile without hesitation to kill and eat a mate if they are displeased - the equivalent to every female human I have been with but at least the tarantulas are more civilised.
 
HauntedWitch

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For me tarantula's are the closest things to compatible beings or friends. Despite the bad name they have through fear are very nice creatures.
I had heard they aren't as bad as they appear. Mention of tarantulas always makes me think of the Hammer Horror classic Hound of the Baskervilles.
 
Fairy Lucretia

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its great to see you x ive missed our chats xxxx
tell me what you have been up to?
I would love to hear xxxx
 
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