Tried to help many others, but now I need some support

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linus

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#61
“Everything will be ok in the end, if it’s not ok then it’s not the end”
Also, nothing is really final in this world (except death and some other stupid jokes), maybe things will even change with your wife, maybe you can both make yourselves feel better about each other, about how will you move further.
 
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gam9147

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#62
Thanks Linus :) that's a good quote, I like that :)

I honestly believe right now that things will be better for both her and I for I in the future. I think we'll both find better what we want, and I really think we'll still remain good friends.

So I gain a friend and an opportunity to find another mate.

Of course thats the intellectual rational mind saying that, the emotional mind is still a wreck ;)
 
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gam9147

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#63
Hi hi,

been a few weeks, been a bit upsy downsy, felt like I was doing better.

but now I have a cold, and having all of this recent bout of anxiety initially coming on regarding my health, I'm hypersensitive to feeling physically like crap.

Its one of those fast moving ones, went from sore through yesterday afternoon to full knock me out today... so with any luck it will move out fast too, but in the meantime I'm struggling to distract. My wife is in a bad mood too so she isn't a help

Its ok to just hang out, try to get better and watch TV, but I'm definitely self judging and self monitoring and it's difficult to break that cycle today.
 
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gam9147

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#65
Hi Linus. Thanks for checking in with me my friend, very sweet of you.

Been a rollercoaster. Anxiety calmed but having all kinds of other displaced/emotions related to the whole thing. Was depressed for a bit then jealous of others? still feel very broke. Last week has been solidly good though, appetite returned. Having a bit more trouble tonight and feeling a bit stressed but overall thinking its an improvement :)

how are things with you?
 
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linus

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#66
Glad to hear that you find yourself in a better place. For us is also much better, although my son is a bit depressed as he started to realize that he is not a genius and he is way behind his colleagues in school and he thinks he can’t make a living, etc. But I guess he is on the right track and somehow these are teenager natural concerns.
 
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gam9147

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#67
Yes I sense that 'natural teenager concerns' is a bit of a relief to you :)

Glad to hear your feeling better as well. Good news is your an expert on anxiety, if that's primary to his depression, either way, lots of things can be done there and I know you already know the right places to start!
 
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gam9147

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#68
I think lately I've been projecting feeling as I am distancing more from my wife, but I can't really get jealous or angry at her, because it doesn't facilitate our relationship going forward.

I have been 'romanticizing' relationships with women that I'm meeting and starting to be around. Intellectually and maritally its too early for any practical follow up, but I'm having a hard time mastering my thoughts...

sometimes its good, some hope and possibilities, but other times it turns to anxiousness and frustration that I can't move forward with that piece of my life just yet. Last few days its definitely been the later..

also little things... like I'm a bit older now but I can't tell the age of a woman worth a damn.. the people I am meeting could be 25 or 50 and yes I'm that bad at it many times :) Maybe it doesn't matter, but I'm hyper sensitive to seeming creepy. not to mention when the time comes I have no idea how to date not having done so in almost 20 years and I don't think I was terribly good at it back then.. although at least I think I can master the anxiety piece better now.

any advice, thoughts or just gentle encouragement :)
 
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gam9147

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#70
lol you think so? My mind has gotten a lot better since I posted that, able to go a bit more with the flow, and be more centered, makes me feel more confident :)
 
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linus

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#71
Well, I was able to cheat on my wife with all my anxiety and without the possibility of dating, of course it all turned very bad for our family, but we managed to move forward. I guess without commitments it's easier :)
 
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gam9147

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#73
Linus -- ?? I feel like you buried the lead here, do tell if you feel comfortable.

midnight -- thank you for checking on me. I have been feeling pretty good the last few days, much more normal even on the happy side :) got a party coming up which will have me a bit more stressed this week. but I have been going out with some new friends, having dinners and getting to know some people, which has boosted my social activity and confidence a good degree and helped tremendously since I didn't really have very many friends.
 
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gam9147

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#76
Thank you so much for thinking of me and checking on me :) Things have been OK. Trying very new and different things, making new friends, pushing the limits of my anxiety. Going to therapy still. Those are all great things. No more panic attacks, able to handle even the high anxiety situations, gives me more faith in myself.

Still lots of sadness and a bit more disagreement on things with the wife lately. She is moving out in about a month, so packing has started, and we've started going through the house and splitting the stuff up, working on separating the bank accounts and starting up with the lawyer, lots of stressful pieces to the 'puzzle' as it were.

Also new health issue with my hand, originally thought it was carpel tunnel, its fortunately a much milder form , just begun occupational/physical therapy. That stuff always scares me because it interferes with typing which is both my work and how I communicate with my friends here!! Fortunately prognosis is good, just will take some time to heal.
 
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