Tried to help many others, but now I need some support

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gam9147

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Thanks black and midnight :)

Yes bipolar is manic depressive.. she is 99% depressive and 1% manic, but they still consider that diagnosis important because manic episodes can be very dangerous if not well controlled.

I'm not sure working hard is always a bad thing.. keeps you occupied.. keeps you from dwelling on the thoughts and thats 90% of getting through anxiety. But there needs to be some balance.. I have no idea what that balance is. I have a computing background, I'd rather someone give me the right algorithm... you know 5% tv time, 5% spouse time, 10% friend time, 70% work time, 10% food time.. I dunno I'm making it up obviously. Do that and no more anxiety!!! weee! lol
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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Ah ok as I know a friend who is the other way around and at the moment she is severely depressed and its happening more frequently and for longer bouts.

Me I do a lot of walking, well I would do more only my feet aren’t brill. Ah yes that balance in life bit like a healthy plate of food lol! Also I find its best to limit myself around toxic and manipulative folk where I have a choice that is, however that is not always possible. But these days the counsellor is helping to keep me sane... As I do burn bridges with folk.
 
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gam9147

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I'm definitely trying to keep up the exercise. Tonight I felt anxious and was thinking too much so went out on the bike since it was a nice day. Then I had a visit with my mom but still felt bad after, in fact worse... but I finally cried a bit.. for 30 seconds or so at least twice. Second time since this happened. then the anxiety subsided some... I really don't think I cry enough! going to try to get those emotions out in the future...
 
blacksmoke

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yes i think the more we think the more our emotions get stirred. and anxiety is i think a lot to do with thinking over thinking.

it is good to cry did a season of crying driving back from my mums for many months.
 
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gam9147

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tonight feeling more stable but tired... but wondering how I can find time for everything I'd need to do in my life going forward --- work, chores, clean up this house, taxes, finance and all the things associated with divorce plus then keeping up stuff for me --- some meditation, tv time, and still not neglect social activity to try to make some new friends...

sounds completely overwhelming at the moment which is why I don't have as many friends... too busy, and I hate that about myself, I want to have more time to not neglect my own mental health and social health.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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In a word prioritise what
  1. Needs to be done – repucussions ie late bill paying….
  2. want to do – household chores
  3. like to do- meditation etc
find a way of managing life more smoothly
 
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gam9147

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Thanks Black. its funny you put chores under want to do... I feel like those are a needs to be done, but then again everything feels like a needs to be done when I feel bad ;)

Feeling better tonight and like I can handle things!
 
blacksmoke

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everything that has a financial or legal obligations is the king of the Jungle! everythiing else can wait when you are severly depressed
 
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gam9147

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Too true! At least when feeling anxious getting up and doing some cleaning is a natural way to both move a bit and get some chores done.

I'm feeling poorly again tonight. Had a bit of a breakdown earlier in/during/after seeing a movie with the wife. Asked her again why... she can't answer the why question, and I should know not to ask it, but I can't help it. That caused her to be anxious and sad and cry, then caused me to be sad and cry, and now just anxious.

All this is pretty normal but I just had about 3 or 4 days of low anxiety almost gone so I was getting used to feeling a bit more normal again even with the challenges ahead. Now I'm back to being a bit scared.

I can make it through, trying to return to posting here, and doing simpler things to occupy me today. I tend to have less work and things I absolutely have to do on tues/wed which makes for too much time to think.
 
blacksmoke

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Yep anxiety get the house hold chores done and depression well what can I say and a mix is quite something. And that is draining,

Yes life and its dips and the moods…its some ‘merry go round’ in the cold light of day these are thoughts which become feelings which then consume our attention
 
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gam9147

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It's a weird difficult position, I'm trying to learn to stay in the moment and not to judge. But this one is hard not to think about/judge. My wife is my friend, so we're getting divorced, but she is also one of the only people that truly understands me, knows me, and encourages me. Part of me feels shamed for spending time with her that we don't absolutely have to spend together -- we watch tv, and work together and eat out together.

there are things I'm doing by myself to transition, I'm not relying completely on her, but there are times I'm feeling so poorly from anxiety and if she is well enough, she can help me through these times.

Does that make any sense? I keep judging myself for not being more separated, even though it takes time, I'm trying to remind myself that day will come but there is no reason to rush it, or judge it for now. That is a very difficult task to do...
 
blacksmoke

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Staying in the moment is a tough thing to keep up. But it is well worth the effort as at times as we keep 0n doing this we can begin to even catch ourselves in our own negative loop. Our behaviour reaction to others- dunno if that makes sense.

You have a lot to change. your life is altering radically, great that you are starting to let go of this relationship (sad though it is for you). You maybe will need to find other ways of coping and getting through anxiety maybe go for a power walk.

Best not judge yourself. just stay alert to your habitual coping mechs that w0uld be best to start letting go of. Just little steps along the way
 
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gam9147

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Practice makes perfect on the judging? I'm trying to apply the dialectic therapy methods, but I need more practice/time I think with it. Meditation does help. I need to build enough confidence in my own methods that I can feel like I can handle it without a crutch person. I said that to my therapist but she thinks... and it is natural to use a crutch in situations like this... everyone relies on their friends. But I don't have any close close ones in real life, only my game friends, my internet friends and you wonderful forum folks :)

I think my therapist is afraid I am going to isolate myself, but I'm really not that way... but it helps me to think I can get through things on my own since that is more or less one of my constant worries is that I can't.

In the meantime there is this weird relationship with my wife that I want to transition to a friendship but do it the 'right' way, whatever that is. I guess that itself is a judgement. Don't judge, let the relationship be exactly what it is right now and it will naturally transition to whatever it ends up transitioning to? Is that too much in the moment?

I went out today to try to ask about refinances, splitting up loans/bank accounts and lawyer stuff but didn't manage to talk to anyone. I put in a bunch of emails and phone calls, but going out and driving around thinking about it all was no good for me, I'm a bit down again this afternoon, but better since I got home a touch.
 
blacksmoke

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Ah a word of caution about feelings these things lead us a ‘merry dance’ the only sure fire way is to keep on doing stuff even and especially when you don’t want to which is very tough but keeping an eye that you don’t go ott difficult balance but progress can be made.

The thing with life is that it helps to break things down and tackle it that way. Where you can. Now that is Very tough to transition from husband to friend – don’t know if that is possible but who knows.

Yeah there is a lot all at once for you that is happening so take it steady and have a plan so when you get out of focus and pick back up again you have got some idea where you left off
 
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gam9147

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From what I read its possible... My wife and I's relationship has been more non-sexual for some time, our intimacy had been fading... so its really less steps than one would think -- the attraction isn't there for her at all , for me its waned a lot. The intimacy, cuddling and other aspects I've also been doing without for a while since she hadn't wanted that either.

The toughest part for me to now seems to be to transition the emotional. She is an emotional crutch for me in many ways and I simply don't feel whole without her around. So coming home and having her around again even if she isn't with me, is some comfort. Maybe that's not great but its kind of the way it has to be for now regardless. When she gets sad and upset it affects me, and that's hard. Because I care about her it should affect me. When my mom gets upset it affects me too. So thats 'normal', but I also need to try to focus on separating my well being from hers...

Thanks for continuing to read and support me blacksmoke, and other's who maybe lurking but not posting. I'm kind of writing this all out as a form of helping me understand and deal with it, so its very helpful and kind thoughts and encouragement is always appreciated :)

I am trying to do less judging of myself and what social relationships I should be in. I'm still relatively busy when I'm feeling OK I have myself doing Yoga 3 times a week, working 5 days a week, chores and in my spare time trying to figure out all the legal and financial aspects of divorce. So I'm busy but also trying to make time for social interaction with my online friends and keep up with my mom and others.

I honestly don't know what a 'normal' social relationship looks like for people, I could use examples, what is normal in social for you? or if you don't feel it is (because of social anxiety) what do you think most exemplifies normal? I have a lot of social interaction in a given day of all kinds but much of it is very fleeting, and I guess I don't have those friends to call up (except my wife) in case something series goes down.. say I was in the hospital. Who would come visit me for example?
 
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