Trauma Anniversary And Symptoms

[SunnyDaze]

Yesterday was another trauma anniversary. I had made a post saying I was going to take a forum break so I don't lash out at anyone while symptomatic. I've decided that instead of running/hiding I would go with what I'm feeling and talk about it until it all passes.

Yesterday evening I started feeling super anxious and breathless. Like close to hyperventilating and I'm still feeling that way now. I'm going with it and consciously trying to keep my breathing at a slower level. Even doing that though, every breath I take I feel it catching right below my ribs.

I have a sickening feeling below my ribs where it's catching. That feeling of something really, really horrible is going to happen to me. Fear. Deep,deep terror.

I feel like I've done something very wrong. Like I'm waiting for severe consequences for something I've done

I'm shaking uncontrollably. Even my shoulders are visibly shaking. All the shaking feels like it's moving inward inside my body,to that place below my ribs and collecting there.

I feel like crying. Or screaming.

I am seeing flashing lights in my mind on and off,police car lights.

Along with the shaking I'm shivering cold. Shaking from fear, shivering from the cold.

My right hand is hurting.

I just feel like I wish I would die rather than go through this.

I know all this is in my mind and will eventually pass. Hopefully it will pass soon.

 

[bpd2020]

I am truly sorry for the pain you are feeling. I have no advice but I just wanting to let you know I have read this and I am thinking of you.

 

[SunnyDaze]

I am truly sorry for the pain you are feeling. I have no advice but I just wanting to let you know I have read this and I am thinking of you.

Thanks @bpd2020

I'm not looking for advice anyway so it's ok that you don't have any.

I was/am just trying to see if not fearing symptoms (and going with the flow and talking about them) is more helpful than trying to avoid them.

I'm not piled up in bed avoiding life. I'm just going about my regular day while I'm feeling this way.IDK what I'm expecting to be different,maybe I will figure that out after the fact.

I'm still feeling the same as before right now. It hasn't eased up yet. Just trying to ride this out.

 

[SunnyDaze]

My breathing is beginning to slow down some now. The shaking is starting to lessen.

I'm having thoughts about what a useless piece of s*it I am though.And having some body memories/pain too.

I won't be talking about what the trauma was. It's too graphic to share.

 

[SunnyDaze]

The shaking has turned into more of just a vibrating feeling. There's no outward visible shaking anymore.

I feel mentally and physically exhausted.

 

[SunnyDaze]

And TADA!

I am feeling so much better already. Wow that was a short episode.And I'm grateful.