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Trapped - want to self harm more

S

so sad

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2016
Messages
113
I feel so trapped.

My partner is making life hard right now. She constantly feeds my 'I'm not good enough' monster. Work is also an issue as I'm convinced I'm going to fail and let down my very supportive manager.

My parents are lovely but they don't know the real me. They have no idea that over the last 2 years I've been under the crisis team twice, off sick for 5 months, undergoing DBT twice a week, nothing at all. Whilst I’m with them I put on the front that everything is OK, that I’m ‘normal’, whatever that is.

I want/need to self harm to a degree that numbs the emotional pain. I know I shouldn’t run away from it, that I should practice my DBT skills etc etc but right now, self harm and suicide are far more enticing.
I wouldn’t be missed apart from by my parents, work colleagues wouldn’t bat an eyelid and I don’t have many close friends.

I feel so sad that the only way I can cope is to hurt myself physically.
I feel so sad that no-one in my life really knows me (that is my fault)

I want to give up
x
 
L

Little-Loss-Soul2

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2018
Messages
145
Location
Canada
Sounds like depression to me and you know that. I think that way often. I dont have any magical words or pill. Hell i dont even have any advice. I dont know anything about you. I never even met you. Okay my point is this. Why do i waste my time writing? Depression hurts and it sucks and it feels like no one understands or cares. This is why I write. Because I am a random person behind a PC who also struggles. and even one person who knows you or not can hopefully help you realize someone gives a damn. Keep going don't stop. Don't ask why just keep going and sooner or later you will realize what you are fighting for. Its what i been doing my whole life. :hug:
 
S

so sad

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2016
Messages
113
Thank you so much for replying.

I too have been battling this for years and at times, it wears be down. Now must be one of those times.

I feel so weary of constantly having to think how to get through the day without giving up. I'm sick of it.
 
L

Little-Loss-Soul2

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2018
Messages
145
Location
Canada
It is hard not going sugar coat that one.
 
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