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Trapped living with crazy parents, almost 30

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strawberrywater

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My parents are all sorts of mental issues, and me included it's all a nightmare.

My dad is the most annoying person on the face of the earth and if he died tomorrow I wouldn't care. He's not outwardly mean or anything, but he's like a big baby who does subtle things to piss me off. He causes arguments, gets my mom to scream at me (she blames me for everything), then he sits all quiet like a victim.

Her and I have to go out briefly early on Saturday mornings. When we come back, my dad is roaming around getting ready to shower. I've told him multiple times to wait until we're back because I need to use the restroom. He's like a teenage girl who takes 2 hours to shower. He spit this horrid mouthwash and stinks up the apartment (our apartment is the size of some people's closets). This mouthwash has almost caused WW3. STILL he waits until we're back, makes sure we're inside, then spits the mouthwash --- every f-ing Saturday. Obviously he does this on purpose. Then he roams around and takes his sweet time in the shower -- all while I seriously need to use the bathroom.

But of course it's all my fault, according to my mom. "He's allowed to use mouthwash! He's allowed to take his time in the shower! He's allowed to wake up when he wants!!" She is blindly irrational and doesn't see that he does all this on purpose. He does it to cause a fight because she NEVER gets mad at him. She defends him like he's a baby. I'm always screamed at and blamed. I think he gets off on causing arguments.

I seriously wouldn't care if he died because he is the most annoying SOB on the face of the earth - for more reasons than just this, but I don't wish to share right now. Just know that he's not a good person. Like on Sunday mornings -- when I wake up he's always in his 2 hour long shower and again I need to use the bathroom badly. So I've started to wake up super early (literally have to set an alarm to wake up and get into the bathroom) he's already awake.. and watching adult videos on his laptop.

I TRY to keep to myself in my room with the door shut, but my mom comes in every 10 minutes. She tells me random stuff or asks me to read directions on a package because she won't just get her glasses. All the while letting bad smells into my room from the apartment -- we get everyone's rancid cooking smells, plus the smell of that mouthwash and whatever cheap soap my dad uses. AND f-ing musk cologne from the dollar store. No one gives a F that it upsets my stomach and my mom screams at me for making everyone miserable. NO ONE CARES THAT I'M MISERABLE. Plus she's interrupting me when I'm trying to concentrate on writing, which is the career I'm working towards. I have 2 books but this 2nd one I can't do a single page in one day because she's CONSTANTLY interrupting me with stupid stuff.. like right now she came in to show me some cartoon and I said I don't care, and she throws a f-ing fit over it. She's a narcissist and takes every g-d thing personally. Once my concentration is broken, that's it, I quit for the day because she just keeps interupting me. She will not stop even though I've asked nicely. She gets angry if she feels she not allowed to do whatever she wants -- even though it's batsh!t irrational.

As you can tell, both my parents are batshi!t irrational. They have no regard for the tiny bit of personal space I have. My room is like 12 feet by 7 feet, like the size of a garden shed. I have no heat in the winter and no AC in the summer, and both are extreme temperatures.

I hate living like this. I'm almost 30 living with my parents in a tiny, run down apartment but we don't have money and this is what I'm stuck with. I've been trying to get back to work since quitting my job bc of Covid (and a psychotic manager), but can't get one. I just hate my life, hate living like this. I don't hate my mom, but I hate my dad. I hate being poor. I hate living in a place with no good opportunities and no way out. I feel like a cornered animal who's desperate to break out of a cage.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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I used to lock my bedroom door to keep my mother out. This was just five plus years ago when I had nowhere else to live as a middle age man. She had an old habit from so many years before of looking in on her kids all the time.

Anyway, sounds like a lock might help for you.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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My parents are all sorts of mental issues, and me included it's all a nightmare.

My dad is the most annoying person on the face of the earth and if he died tomorrow I wouldn't care. He's not outwardly mean or anything, but he's like a big baby who does subtle things to piss me off. He causes arguments, gets my mom to scream at me (she blames me for everything), then he sits all quiet like a victim.

Her and I have to go out briefly early on Saturday mornings. When we come back, my dad is roaming around getting ready to shower. I've told him multiple times to wait until we're back because I need to use the restroom. He's like a teenage girl who takes 2 hours to shower. He spit this horrid mouthwash and stinks up the apartment (our apartment is the size of some people's closets). This mouthwash has almost caused WW3. STILL he waits until we're back, makes sure we're inside, then spits the mouthwash --- every f-ing Saturday. Obviously he does this on purpose. Then he roams around and takes his sweet time in the shower -- all while I seriously need to use the bathroom.

But of course it's all my fault, according to my mom. "He's allowed to use mouthwash! He's allowed to take his time in the shower! He's allowed to wake up when he wants!!" She is blindly irrational and doesn't see that he does all this on purpose. He does it to cause a fight because she NEVER gets mad at him. She defends him like he's a baby. I'm always screamed at and blamed. I think he gets off on causing arguments.

I seriously wouldn't care if he died because he is the most annoying SOB on the face of the earth - for more reasons than just this, but I don't wish to share right now. Just know that he's not a good person. Like on Sunday mornings -- when I wake up he's always in his 2 hour long shower and again I need to use the bathroom badly. So I've started to wake up super early (literally have to set an alarm to wake up and get into the bathroom) he's already awake.. and watching adult videos on his laptop.

I TRY to keep to myself in my room with the door shut, but my mom comes in every 10 minutes. She tells me random stuff or asks me to read directions on a package because she won't just get her glasses. All the while letting bad smells into my room from the apartment -- we get everyone's rancid cooking smells, plus the smell of that mouthwash and whatever cheap soap my dad uses. AND f-ing musk cologne from the dollar store. No one gives a F that it upsets my stomach and my mom screams at me for making everyone miserable. NO ONE CARES THAT I'M MISERABLE. Plus she's interrupting me when I'm trying to concentrate on writing, which is the career I'm working towards. I have 2 books but this 2nd one I can't do a single page in one day because she's CONSTANTLY interrupting me with stupid stuff.. like right now she came in to show me some cartoon and I said I don't care, and she throws a f-ing fit over it. She's a narcissist and takes every g-d thing personally. Once my concentration is broken, that's it, I quit for the day because she just keeps interupting me. She will not stop even though I've asked nicely. She gets angry if she feels she not allowed to do whatever she wants -- even though it's batsh!t irrational.

As you can tell, both my parents are batshi!t irrational. They have no regard for the tiny bit of personal space I have. My room is like 12 feet by 7 feet, like the size of a garden shed. I have no heat in the winter and no AC in the summer, and both are extreme temperatures.

I hate living like this. I'm almost 30 living with my parents in a tiny, run down apartment but we don't have money and this is what I'm stuck with. I've been trying to get back to work since quitting my job bc of Covid (and a psychotic manager), but can't get one. I just hate my life, hate living like this. I don't hate my mom, but I hate my dad. I hate being poor. I hate living in a place with no good opportunities and no way out. I feel like a cornered animal who's desperate to break out of a cage.
Is there a library you could go and hang out at for awhile? I’d try to spend as much time as possible out and about whenever I am able and come home to sleep.
 
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strawberrywater

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Is there a library you could go and hang out at for awhile? I’d try to spend as much time as possible out and about whenever I am able and come home to sleep.
There is a library but there's weird people who hang out there 😕 I'd go to a coffee shop but they're always so crowded. Parks are crowded. Every place is pretty busy because it's a pretty densely populated town. I generally get distracted by any little thing and don't feel comfortable going out either 😓 Whether I'm home or out someplace, there's always too much noise. I really just want a cabin in the woods where I can be totally alone.
 
O

OntheBorderline

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Oh dear, I can feel your pain for the most part. Although I don't hate my family or want them to die, I am in a living situation where I am 30 years old and living with my Father and brother in a tiny trailer in a rural town with little opportunity, and while I love them dearly, at times I believe they are both narccisstic. Everyone has a way of bad-mouthing each other in the most belittling ways behind the others back and they will do annoying things in the mornings that wakes me up and I feel that they don't care. They also tend to put their own needs before mine and others. Sometimes I feel like I will remain stuck like this and will never have an opportunity to better myself, or escape this town.
 
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strawberrywater

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They also tend to put their own needs before mine and others.
Yes this is exactly it. Even down to little things, they're so selfish. My dad douses himself with strong stinky cologne that it so bad I keep sneezing - yet he's sitting at home doing absolutely nothing on a Sunday. There's no reason for this other than to cause a fight. I hate waking up and smelling that - then it infiltrates my room and I get physically sick. They don't care that I actually throw up -- my mom says my dad "has a right" to wear his cologne. As long as they do whatever they want, it's fine. But me - it's WW3.
 
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rawlinsc

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My parents and grandparents have their problems but i never hated them or wished for them to die. My grandparents are hoarders. My mom has mental illness and has physical disabilities. My dad might have undiagnosed mental illness and has a bad work history. But I love them and they love me.
 
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rawlinsc

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I would not want someone to die even if they are a jerk. It is bad karma.
 
Argon

Argon

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Can you find things to do outside the apartment? I used to go for long bike rides or hang out at the library.
 
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rawlinsc

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Is your parents' apartment messy or hoarded? I had to live in a hoarded house for 30 years!
 
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strawberrywater

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Can you find things to do outside the apartment? I used to go for long bike rides or hang out at the library.
I can try but usually parks are packed with kids, library is not that nice, and my mom doesn't really let me go anywhere alone. She's controlling
 
Argon

Argon

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I can try but usually parks are packed with kids, library is not that nice, and my mom doesn't really let me go anywhere alone. She's controlling
Those controlling people are awful. There was an older woman at my last workplace who was like that, telling everyone how they should live their lives. She got relegated to working weekends and she couldn't understand why she never got called in to work during the week. Oblivious. I now have the boss from hell who is a micromanaging control freak.
 
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strawberrywater

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Is your parents' apartment messy or hoarded? I had to live in a hoarded house for 30 years!
Sorry for that. Please understand that anyone's problems are all considerably troublesome for each person. No one's problems are more or less bad or worse than someone else's.
 
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rawlinsc

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Sorry for that. Please understand that anyone's problems are all considerably troublesome for each person. No one's problems are more or less bad or worse than someone else's.
Sorry I realize you are going through some difficulties yourself.
 
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Karma117

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Hi, i know all too well how it feels to live with toxic parents, i'be given up so many years and things in my life just to please them and support them. I'm at my wits end too. I agree with the comment about getting a lock for your door and trying to find a space outside to study. Have you thought about getting some ear plugs to drown out some of the noise, it may help. Don't give up on your goals in life as that will aid you into becoming your own person and help you achieve the life you want.
 
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