Training/courses to help with social skills?

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stu1970s

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#1
It seems a lot of advice aimed at those with social issues is aimed at those who have issues in terms of approaching new people, making conversation etc. That's not my problem though. I don't have any issue with approaching people and talking to them. The problem is that nothing ever seems to click. Basically I don't have ANY close friends. I know people who seem to be collecting phone numbers almost at ease but I get the impression that people I speak to couldn't care less if they ever met me again. Like I said, it's not a problem with approaching or talking to people so it must be some kind of personality thing that doesn't endear me to people. The sort of thing I really need is for someone who can help me by saying 'that didn't come across too well' or 'have you thought about trying this in your approach'. Any suggestions?
 
calypso

calypso

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#2
Does your family have any suggestions to make? They might be able to shed some light on this. Making friends is surprisingly difficult at times for all of us and people think it easy but it isn't. Do you have any interests that lead you to have contact with others? People with like minded ideas are often the best place to start. Sorry I can't be more help than that.
 
Bizzarebitrary

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#3
Hi. It's a tricky question.

Perhaps you're engaging in mind reading?

What is it you're sure about with respect to what others must think about you?

It's not fundamentally in our nature to freely give complimentary or critical feedback to others we've just met.
 
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stu1970s

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#4
What is it you're sure about with respect to what others must think about you?

It's not fundamentally in our nature to freely give complimentary or critical feedback to others we've just met.
I'm not sure at all what others must think. All I know is that I don't have any anxiety issues in terms of going up to people and talking to them so I figure it must be some personality thing that doesn't come across well.

I know it's not feasible to expect people to give feedback which is why I was wondering if there was some kind of training or course where that might be offered. I've looked at various types of counsellors and therapists but can't see any dealing with this particular type of problem.
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

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#5
I get the impression that people I speak to couldn't care less if they ever met me again.
As a matter of interest, what are you basing this impression on? What's evident in the other's actions that imply they have no interest in getting to know you better? For instance, you ask if they might be interested in meeting again and they say they have no interest.

The sort of thing I really need is for someone who can help me by saying 'that didn't come across too well' or 'have you thought about trying this in your approach'. Any suggestions?
I may have some helpful suggestions. In another life I had a career in sales which requires one to build rapport quickly and cultivate relationships.

But before it's possible to effectively utilize social skills one should have a philosophy that affirms anyone you may meet. For example, a belief that everyone - without exception - is worth getting to know and some people are worth getting to know really well. If you can adopt a similar stance you can genuinely take interest in whatever a person might say as opposed to attempting a convincing affectation.

How to make a good initial impression is a skill anyone can learn. Is that something you're interested in developing? People remember a good conversation and we can sense when we've made a connection with another. It's helpful to have knowledge of various subjects but it's not essential so long as you can demonstrate that you're listening and interested by using verbal and nonverbal cues.

I hope you find this helpful. If this hits the mark of what you were asking about I can be more specific. Unfortunately I don't have links to particular videos or reading material about this subject.
 
claude

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But before it's possible to effectively utilize social skills one should have a philosophy that affirms anyone you may meet. For example, a belief that everyone - without exception - is worth getting to know and some people are worth getting to know really well. If you can adopt a similar stance you can genuinely take interest in whatever a person might say as opposed to attempting a convincing affectation.
this is a really good point. I find it much easier to be around people and be social when i am thinking of them, rather than thinking of myself or what they might think of me.

Good luck Stu!
 
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stu1970s

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#7
As a matter of interest, what are you basing this impression on? What's evident in the other's actions that imply they have no interest in getting to know you better? For instance, you ask if they might be interested in meeting again and they say they have no interest.
I think it's a natural conclusion to come to when not one single person ever says let's meet again and yet you regularly see other people getting phone numbers, social invites etc.

How to make a good initial impression is a skill anyone can learn. Is that something you're interested in developing? People remember a good conversation and we can sense when we've made a connection with another. It's helpful to have knowledge of various subjects but it's not essential so long as you can demonstrate that you're listening and interested by using verbal and nonverbal cues.
It's probably a start. Like I said, I don't have a problem approaching people and talking so I honestly don't know whether it's the initial impression that's a problem or something else. It's very difficult to self-analyse.

I had actually considered looking at one of those workshops that are aimed at business people about building relationships with clients, effective communication etc. I guess some of the advice would spill into the social sphere.

Thanks to everyone for all the advise by the way.
 
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AdamSocial

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#8
Hi there,

I would recommend the YouTube Channel "Charisma on Command." He has a lot of great videos that may help with your mindset.

PM me if you are interested in talking more. I, myself, am looking to start something on YouTube and would love to learn more exactly about what you are experiencing so I can help.