my first train suicide attempt /poss trigger
what makes us think death would be a realise?
i was happy and drunk ,so i lay down ,the rail was cold but the drink kept me warm ,i knew i would hear the train coming ,ehco,ing through the rails. I was,nt afraid ,i could see all the lights in the town twinkling in the cool darkness ,i could hear the clatter of train wheels in the distance ,would this be it ,the cold steel racing towards me ,i wouldent feel anything it would be so quick ,then finally i would be seperated from that thing that gave me so much pain ,would my eyes stay open after my head had left my body ,stareing at my lifeless torso,would i have time to think before my brain died ,there you go my dark visitor you cant hurt me now ,then the lights would fade ,were would i go what would i be ,forever happy and drunk ,or just that scruffy punk who killed himself . The clatter faded must have been going the other way ,closed my eyes i was tired i felt at ease i didnt want to go home it was a place i did,nt know anymore ,I was woken by footsteps on the gravel ,a small figure loomed towards me ,what you doing man ,c,mon ,im dragged up ,c,mon wake up man ,what the hell guy cmon move your legs buddy c,mon .I could see it was a guy i had met briefly during the gig ,he lived nearby and he took me to his house ,he never ask me what i was doing ,i think he thought i was just drunk and had stumbeld there ,his name was ziggy and we became great friends ,he save my life without ever knowing , a few years later he was involved in a bad car crash and is now badly disfigured, how ironic ,at this time i would have been happy to die ,i never blamed him but i wish he had not found me ,as i wish he had not been disfigured ,i see many things in my mind ,but ive never met anyone who has
commited suicide ,and has come back to tell us its ok on the otherside
deppression gives us gifts ,they are burried within your very being ,you need to learn to reach deep inside yourself ,to find these gifts to help you on your journey ,three times during my teens i treid suicide ,three times i failed
at the time i didnt know why ,but now at the age of 51,i know it was the wonderful wife i hadnt met and my to unborn daughters she was yet to concieve ,my live has always been painful ,and i cry many times and wish for
peace ,but in my pain is strength ,you must find this strentgh within you
until then i will ,walk with you ,if you should look down and see only one set of footprints ,and wonder were i am ,those are my footprints ,and you are safe on my shoulders,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,JETBOY