Toxic Relationship with mother is too much, can't take it anymore

RoseGoldBoi

RoseGoldBoi

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#1
This isn't something I can sum up in a forum thread but I'm 21, my mother controls my bank, doesn't allow me on the internet, cancels my job interviews ect. I'm having an anxiety attack right now, I can't take it anymore. Not sure what good will do if I rant about it over the internet but it gives me the illusion I'm doing something about it. We don't ever get a long either, when ever we have a disagreement she gas lights me about my learning disability. There's 2 sides to every story, you don't have to believe every rant you read about relationships, just understand the turmoil I am constantly at the mercy of. I don't know how to move out but I can't do this anymore. I try to look for roommates but its really hard on disability income & looking for work. Thanks for reading.
 
Valka

Valka

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#2
Wow that seems very posessive, almost like she is making you a prisoner or something taking away your financial independence and internet access like that. Not to mention cancelling job interviews, that's just mean.
Do you have any kind of government help in your area, where they could find you a place to stay or some kind of refuge / hostle if it is bad enough that you have to pack up and leave? As it sounds like quite the abusive relationship!

I hope you get something sorted out soon.
 
RoseGoldBoi

RoseGoldBoi

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#5
Wow that seems very posessive, almost like she is making you a prisoner or something taking away your financial independence and internet access like that. Not to mention cancelling job interviews, that's just mean.
Do you have any kind of government help in your area, where they could find you a place to stay or some kind of refuge / hostle if it is bad enough that you have to pack up and leave? As it sounds like quite the abusive relationship!

I hope you get something sorted out soon.
Do you have any advise on opening a secret bank account? Is it possible at the same bank? My mother told my bank to put my spending limit to $60 a day and its been like that for half a year. What pisses me off to know end is that the bank actually listened to her and did it even though I am an adult. Today she told me she was going to let me take out the $400 I get once a month and divide it to $100 bills in an envelope. So I can get the $100 once a week. Listen, the main reason I haven't been frugal is that she hates that I stay in the house so much so she kicks me out to go do something. You can't do anything in the small town I live in without spending something. You *need* to have a purpose as to why you're out otherwise you're walking around aimlessly. She's on disability income as well. Both of us are. I have the urge to take out my $400 today and tell my mother she can't do anything about it but THAT WOULD NOT end well.
 
RoseGoldBoi

RoseGoldBoi

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#6
Write back just don't give the thumbs up
I can't get back to eveyone at once, I have a hard time using the quote button and I'm using a console over the internet. Typing with a controller takes longer than a keyboard. I was going to actually pm you about your relationship with your mother but now I don't feel inclined to.
 
D

Dunkin donut

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Jun 26, 2019
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Northern Ireland
#7
Do you have any advise on opening a secret bank account? Is it possible at the same bank? My mother told my bank to put my spending limit to $60 a day and its been like that for half a year. What pisses me off to know end is that the bank actually listened to her and did it even though I am an adult. Today she told me she was going to let me take out the $400 I get once a month and divide it to $100 bills in an envelope. So I can get the $100 once a week. Listen, the main reason I haven't been frugal is that she hates that I stay in the house so much so she kicks me out to go do something. You can't do anything in the small town I live in without spending something. You *need* to have a purpose as to why you're out otherwise you're walking around aimlessly. She's on disability income as well. Both of us are. I have the urge to take out my $400 today and tell my mother she can't do anything about it but THAT WOULD NOT end well.
We're abouts are u from
 
D

Dunkin donut

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#8
I can't get back to eveyone at once, I have a hard time using the quote button and I'm using a console over the internet. Typing with a controller takes longer than a keyboard. I was going to actually pm you about your relationship with your mother but now I don't feel inclined to.
That's OK take Ur time I should be on this for about another 90 tell the battery dies in this tablet
 
G

Girl interupted

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#9
It’s good that you recognize that the key to healing is getting some distance from her. She probably doesn’t even realize or think she is doing anything wrong. You can’t fix that. You can only live for you.

Start writing out plans on how you can do this. Have a back up plan. The research into the how will help soothe and give you some confidence. It doesn’t have to happen right away, but you can start looking into things like public housing, or even school (yes, even with a disability).
 
RoseGoldBoi

RoseGoldBoi

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#10
It’s good that you recognize that the key to healing is getting some distance from her. She probably doesn’t even realize or think she is doing anything wrong. You can’t fix that. You can only live for you.

Start writing out plans on how you can do this. Have a back up plan. The research into the how will help soothe and give you some confidence. It doesn’t have to happen right away, but you can start looking into things like public housing, or even school (yes, even with a disability).
Thank god I read this before acting on my resentment. I went to the bank myself and took out the $400 and put it an envelope and planned on givit to my mother. After reading that nothing happens right away, i took a deep breathe and suspended keeping the money from her and just gave the envelope to her. She was suprised I went to ghe bank myself and told me that I was actually going to be in control of the $100 a week, so she gave me 4 envelopes to keep in my bedroom. The reason being is that my other half of the disability goes into rent and hydro. Had I not read eveyones advise here, getting confrontationial would have gone terribly wrong. This is the beauty of the forums, things can end up differently by reading other posts :)
 
G

Girl interupted

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#11
I’m very pleased for you hon. It’s progress. Count it as a win.
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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#12
It’s your life take control of it I believe I linked a video in a previous thread how to cut out toxic people if it really bothers you make the changes nessasary
 

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