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Toxic family member

S

Susan Marie

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Indiana
I am new here. I am an older, married woman. I have always had a difficult relationship with my sister. At one time, she didn’t speak to me for 4 yrs. I don’t know why.

Recently, she said something very negative about my son-in-law. She offered her opinion about something that she knew nothing about. When I called her out about it, she became very angry & defensive. She even called me names.

For all of my life, she has tried to cause problems in my relationships. She has told me many times that my friends are not really my friends. They talk about me behind my back. I have a friend of over 40 yrs. She has a vacation home in the state where my sister lives. She lives 30 minutes away from my sister. A couple of years ago, my friend met up with my sister. She only knew her prior to this through me. I had a lot of doubts about my sister & friend having a relationship, but felt like I couldn’t tell my friend who to be friends with.

My friend was recently at her vacation home. I told her about how my sister was bullying me. My friend knew that all of our lives my sister has treated me horribly. Again, my sister is telling me that I have a friend that is bad mouthing me. Yet, my friend continues to correspond with my sister. I have not had this particular problem before. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to throw away a 40+ yrs. friendship.
 
B

Bonbonsmum

Member
Joined
Mar 12, 2021
Messages
20
Location
Manchester
That's a shame. I try and keep a distance from people like this. Maybe she is very unhappy in her own life. My sibling is like this. Starts rumours that arnt true. But them some days is nice as pie to me! I dont understand it. But I dont get to involved any more xx
 
S

Susan Marie

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Indiana
The relationship with my sister is over. She tried getting in touch with my adult daughters. They shut her down. They haven’t talked to her in years. My husband tells me to block her. She still tries anyway she can to get to me and stir up trouble.

What I am most concerned about is her continuous contact with my friend. I don’t want to end a 40+ yr. friendship. However, it will be hard to continue a friendship when the friend is talking to someone that has been so abusive to me.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
18,156
Location
Nowhere
hi Susan Marie :welcome:

I really don't think you can do anything about their friendship

you could say to your friend
that you don't want to talk about your sister between the two of you

your sister obviously has a different relationship with your friend
than she has with you

I hope you find the forum helpful


:grouphug:
 
Ghost_Owl

Ghost_Owl

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
May 13, 2017
Messages
1,248
Location
U.K
Welcome to the forum. It is good you have recognised the toxic person in your life and have made moves to cut them off. Does the friend know of the abuse you have suffered? Is the sister using the friend as a method to get at you indirectly? You can't really tell a person who to be friends with or not. So Zoe's response may be all you are left with.
 
S

Susan Marie

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Indiana
I have told my friend about a lot of the abuse. There has been a life time of it, so it would be difficult to tell her all. I feel so tired and have no energy. It is time to put all this ugliness and hatred behind me. I mainly have told my friend what happened recently. When my sister made cruel remarks about my daughter’s husband, I objected. She still continued to say it. She even talked about it to my friend, still making the remarks. Keep in mind, my daughter & her husband have not talked to my sister in 10 years over past situations where my sister also said cruel things about my son-in-law. After our recent blow up she tried to contact my daughter & her husband to in her words “set the record straight.” They have blocked her on social media. She lives in a different state. They want nothing to do with her. Yet, my friend still takes my sister’s messages & replies to them. I know I can’t tell my friend what to do, but I feel such a betrayal. I am sure my sister is using her to get at me. I also took my sister’s daughter off of my social media. I don’t have a problem with her. I just need some space from anybody that is associating with my sister. As I said, I am sick & tired of all the ugliness.
 
S

Susan Marie

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Indiana
I just want to add, I hope I get some replies. I am walking away from my sister, but am so upset over loosing a long time friend. I need help in figuring out what to do.
 
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