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Toxic Families That Scapegoat

Keesha

Keesha

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Here is an article that explains the dynamics of scapegoating by toxic families. Often one or both parents have some type of personality disorder of the narcissistic type.


This page also has an endless list of links and references below.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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Interesting reading. My dad does not have any mental health issues which does not seem to fit in with anything I read about scapegoating. Thank you for sharing this.
 
SunnyDaze

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That was interesting to read.

I was(am) the scapegoat in my family of origin. I was blamed for everything as a child,even things that had nothing to do with me at all. As a matter of fact,I started accepting blame(and punishment) before I was even blamed just to get it over with quicker. I knew I would be blamed anyway with no way out of it anyway.

They all still try to make me the scapegoat and they're not even in my life.
 
Keesha

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I was scapegoated all my life by my family. Both parents sadistic, narcissistic and abusive to the max. ( broken bones etc ). Luckily living where I do there is no statutory time limit for sadistic sexual and physical abuse. It’s being reported to the police.
 
P

Purpleplum

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It's the reason why I've written them off and am a lot healthier because of it.
 
Keesha

Keesha

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It's the reason why I've written them off and am a lot healthier because of it.
Yep! I had a no contact relationship with mine for at least 8 years until my brother invited me to a family birthday party he wanted me to attend.
It turns out he just wanted me to care for my parents until he could take over as POA.
In other words, as usual, I got used and abused in the process cause my family totally sucks. 🤬
 
K

khuang

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I was used as a huge scapegoat for the woman that helped my dad raise me. And I mean she really went into overdrive when it came to using me to place all the blame for her choices and mistakes. She blamed me for being single for so long and never getting kids which probably was better that she didn’t have any after how she began to treat me as I got older. She blamed me for being stressed at work. She even blamed me when she lost her engagement ring which was actually her fault because she’d take it off every night and put it in a random place each time. She would then make up lies to other people about how I was to blame which is rather ironic considering she was OCD on me about being 100% honest literally all the time. I only escaped from her because I literally had to run away from her when she physically assaulted me. All I was to her was a scapegoat and source of extra money to buy more wine. She did have mental health issues but she refused to stick to any treatment plan and would see her therapist maybe four times a year which was whenever she was having a crisis. Some people might not understand why I stayed around her for so long but I did it because it was literally the only time I could watch some TV and use the Internet and play my DS Lite compared sitting inside my apartment with absolutely nothing to do but stare at the wall for the entire weekend. She also seemed to have a bit of a hoarding problem with clothes as she loved to go shopping at Macy’s and other similar stores for stuff especially when she had a coupon and a sale was happening. This woman had about twenty pairs of jeans and yet only wore maybe four on a consistent basis. I know this because I had to organize two huge closets full of clothes and one of the closet shelves was literally stuffed with nothing but jeans. And she still had clothes from the 80s such as a sweatshirt with a cut off collar inspired by Flashdance in drawers which you know she’d never wear again.
 
Keesha

Keesha

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I was scapegoated all my life by my family. Both parents sadistic, narcissistic and abusive to the max. ( broken bones etc ). Luckily living where I do there is no statutory time limit for sadistic sexual and physical abuse. It’s being reported to the police.
Last night I started the process of reporting these crimes but I’m constantly kicking myself for not following up with when my dad kidnapped my mom from the hospital while she was being transported to a nursing home which she badly needed. It was the perfect opportunity to report the crimes to the police while I unleashed my rage about the outrageously violent upbringing I had while I cared for them knowing full well I was doing the job for my golden boy brother who could do no wrong and inherited everything.
I’d really been disinherited. It was one more chance to stab me and twist the knife from the grave. That’s how fucking miserable these people are. I can’t let go of the fact that I completely baled when I needed to be strongest the most and will never have that opportunity again.
 
Keesha

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And yes I’m furious but have every right to be.
 
bpd2020

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I think you are so brave to report the crimes. That takes so much courage. Reporting something like that is not easy. Maybe you were not able to go through that before now. You cannot help that.
 
K

khuang

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Honestly I would have filed for a restraining order after I was attacked if my dad didn’t threaten to cut me off if I did and I didn’t file one only because I knew that my grandma might have died from shock and stress if he cut me off and I didn’t want to live with that type of guilt. He was more concerned about her losing her job working with kids which in hindsight wasn’t exactly the best job for her to have. If any of them misbehaved for her, what was really stopping her from snapping and impulsively grabbing them and slapping their face and screaming at the top of her lungs at them like she did with me? She was a really toxic person and she blamed me for her staying to take care of me as if my family and I were holding her hostage and made her stay. She kept acting as if we chained her to the floor and hid her car keys. She always had her own car to drive. She had a place to live outside of our house. If she wanted to leave, we weren’t going to stop her.
 
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