• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Tough situation...

R

Redsfan_2000

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Apr 29, 2021
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Hey everyone. I am a gay male, I’ve been out for awhile now. I have mostly come to grips with my sexual orientation.

A serious problem has arisen. I am a flight student training to be a pilot. I love flying. However, it is a male dominated industry and pretty much every instructor I get is a male. Despite switching once before, I have fallen for both instructors. My performance suffers, I get nervous in the plane, and I perform poorly. Not only that, but my instructor sees it and I always feel bad after every flight. I know I can be doing better but my instructor being there makes my focus worse.

As I said, I’ve already switched instructors due to this reason and it happened again. I’ve accepted that this is just something I will have to deal with, but what I can’t accept is this stressing me out outside of flight training. I’ve been very depressed over the last couple months or so due to this very reason. The stuff that normally makes me happy doesn’t make me happy anymore due to this hanging over my head and knowing I have to go fly with him every morning.

How do I proceed? I hate to act this way because I feel like people have been in way worse situations than this, but this has probably been the toughest situation I’ve ever been in in my entire life. It just feels like there isn’t any solution and I just have to suffer in silence... life really shouldn’t be this hard.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Hi Redsfan! I don’t really have any suggestions for you but I’m sure other people will be along shortly to help you. I just wanted to slip in here and welcome you to the forums. xo, j
 
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2Much2Feel

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Hey Redsfan....really sorry to hear you're going through this. Hang in there, as JessisMe said, someone who has had a related experience may be able to handle this better, and I'm sorry that I don't really have suggestions for this type of scenario either. What I can say is, first, don't invalidate your experience, you are obviously working hard for something you want to do in your life and an emotional obstacle is in your way right now. So good for you for reaching out.

The only thing I can relate to is how I'd fall for male therapists, but I did have more of an option to switch to female, so that's of no help. You'll get through this, even if it feels overwhelming right now, it sounds like you've come this far toward becoming a pilot, which is awesome. Don't feel defeated b/c of this obstacle.

I did google it quickly, and there are actually organisations called like napa.org, the national gay pilots assn, and I bet they could totally relate and offer some guidance or suggestions. Who the hell wouldn't fall for a pilot?? OK, kidding aside, I really think something like this could help you out with this kind of specific scenario. That said, good for reaching out, and perhaps there are people on here with other suggestions, but that would be my first place to start.

I wish you all the luck in the world. It's amazing what you're doing and you can make it past this. Any dream worth pursuing will have obstacles, and this one is obviously v hard for you but I'm certain you are not the first to experience this. :)
 
R

Redsfan_2000

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
4
Location
United States
Hey Redsfan....really sorry to hear you're going through this. Hang in there, as JessisMe said, someone who has had a related experience may be able to handle this better, and I'm sorry that I don't really have suggestions for this type of scenario either. What I can say is, first, don't invalidate your experience, you are obviously working hard for something you want to do in your life and an emotional obstacle is in your way right now. So good for you for reaching out.

The only thing I can relate to is how I'd fall for male therapists, but I did have more of an option to switch to female, so that's of no help. You'll get through this, even if it feels overwhelming right now, it sounds like you've come this far toward becoming a pilot, which is awesome. Don't feel defeated b/c of this obstacle.

I did google it quickly, and there are actually organisations called like napa.org, the national gay pilots assn, and I bet they could totally relate and offer some guidance or suggestions. Who the hell wouldn't fall for a pilot?? OK, kidding aside, I really think something like this could help you out with this kind of specific scenario. That said, good for reaching out, and perhaps there are people on here with other suggestions, but that would be my first place to start.

I wish you all the luck in the world. It's amazing what you're doing and you can make it past this. Any dream worth pursuing will have obstacles, and this one is obviously v hard for you but I'm certain you are not the first to experience this. :)
Man thanks a lot, really helps ✌
 
R

Redsfan_2000

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
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Location
United States
Welp for anyone who is still reading this, I’ve decided the best course of action is to drop flight training now and explore flying at a different time in life. I still want to be a pilot, but I have just hit an emotional obstacle that is immovable at this point in life. But that’s okay! I’m only 20 years old and I have plenty of time to pursue this later in life. My therapist told me that my lack of dating experience is why this probably keeps happening. I think I’m going to explore that and then come back to flying later. When will that be? Who knows, but I’m just so happy right now! Thx for the help.
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
630
Location
US
Welp for anyone who is still reading this, I’ve decided the best course of action is to drop flight training now and explore flying at a different time in life. I still want to be a pilot, but I have just hit an emotional obstacle that is immovable at this point in life. But that’s okay! I’m only 20 years old and I have plenty of time to pursue this later in life. My therapist told me that my lack of dating experience is why this probably keeps happening. I think I’m going to explore that and then come back to flying later. When will that be? Who knows, but I’m just so happy right now! Thx for the help.
Good for you for not letting it take away your hopes and dreams, seeing that you are young and can still pursue this in the future! So true. Hold on, hang in there, you have an entire life ahead and can still reach your goals. The most important quality we can have sometimes is realising that timing means a lot and just to not give up due to obstacles. Everyone who reaches their dreams has faced obstacles they had to overcome. You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders, and I really hope you are able to go for it when you're ready!
 

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