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Tough love, or tough luck?

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Roadfool

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 14, 2013
Messages
174
Location
Staffordshire
Hi folks, I don't post regularly but I thought I'd ask if anyone else shares these emotions. This happens every time I meet a girl...

Pre-girl mood - At this point I've usually been single a while, currently 3 years on my own. Comfortable but discontented and lonely. Everyday life is 'okay' but you know something or someone is missing.

First contact - So whether it be online dating, a friend of a friend or whatever, but you've caught someones eye and you like them. You chat and plan a date... This is the best bit, you're all happy and excited and you feel a new feeling of satisfaction inside you. Suddenly life makes sense!

Dating - Now things have heated up, and you've gotten to know them more and everything is good... Or is it? Suddenly I'm stressing and overthinking about everything. I'm losing sleep over silly things and making myself generally anxious. I know I'm being silly but can't help it, but don't know what to do for the best.

Ending things - Eventually I buckle and back away from the scenario, and we go our separate ways. Leaving a perfectly nice attractive girl and returning to singledom, feeling a sense of relief but disappointment. This is the bit that can get a bit depressing.

Normality - Things eventually go back to how they were, and before I know it I'm on the prowl again looking for love knowing full well that I won't be able to deal with it :(

Anyone else go through this, or just me? Any advice of suggestions?

Thank you,

Steven
 
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lovagemuffin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
my sister has this relationship anxiety or commitment phobia. the good news is she is a in a relationship the bad news is shes just puts up with feeling anxious that hes not the right person for her.
y]
 
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lovagemuffin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
which is good because once she dumped a perfectly nice bloke for having "banana shoes and a slight stoop" I kid you not LOL:LOL:
 
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Roadfool

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 14, 2013
Messages
174
Location
Staffordshire
Thing is I'm not even sure it's a commitment issue... I think I just can't let other people in or get close to me maybe!?
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Thing is I'm not even sure it's a commitment issue... I think I just can't let other people in or get close to me maybe!?
I think ultimately only you can really know why this dynamic of getting close but not too close seems to keep happening.
The wanting of a relationship and the reality of having a relationship are too different things.

Sometimes I do wish I could find love and would love to be in a partnership, but other times I am hugely relieved that I am single.
For me I know there are issues around trust, allowing myself to be open and also trying to keep healthy boundaries.

The whole area of relationships just seems like a huge minefield that I don't understand - it puzzles me that some people can just casually be in and out of relationships all the time.

The way i'm dealing with the situation is to focus and put my energy into other areas of my life, to find happiness from other sources that will be steady and reliable (because the experiences i've had have definitely not been steady and reliable!).

How do you feel about yourself in general? Do you think there's a self-esteem issue affecting things too?
 
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Roadfool

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 14, 2013
Messages
174
Location
Staffordshire
Actually, Scorpio I think I am a lot like you... I find relationships more of a chore than a pleasure, but my natural instincts tell me to keep looking for the perfect match.
I'm not a confident person, but I don't think it's preventing me from enjoying a relationship... Maybe I'm wrong!
 
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