• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Torn between two worlds.. Should I go back to my ex?

A

angel01

Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2016
Messages
5
I know this is a question that bugs quite a lot of people every day... And i feel stupid that I'm here trying to answer it. I thought I was done answering it and I was certain I would move on with my life. I got a new bf and I thought I was happy. The new guy is by far better than my ex, more caring and willing to spend plenty of time together. However, my ex has had severe depression pretty much his whole life so I can't really blame him for not being able to offer me a 'normal' relationship despite the fact he loved me. What I blamed him for though was that he used to get angry easily, moody and distant, and swearing a lot, giving me the cold shoulder quite often, did not take the blame for anything so we had a lot of arguments and because of that I decided to remove myself from the relationship after a year and half of trying to make it work. I never stopped loving him though and caring about him. We weren't really in touch apart from once when he came over my place to return a few things of mine and once when he attempted suicide and I wanted to check on him. Anyway, he just got back in touch now saying he was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome and that explains his behaviour etc. He also says that he has been doing a lot better and managing his life, socialising and even did well with uni stuff.. So yea this is messing with my head now coz I'm still in love with him and have missed him dearly - despite our past experiences the heart wants what it wants. So I am here contemplating what to do... I feel so horrible coz I was so sure my current bf is not a rebound and that I was falling for him... I just don't know what is best and I cannot ask my friends for their opinion coz my ex didn't leave the best of impression so they will be biased.
Any advice you can give will be very much appreciated. Please take into consideration I have mild depression and anxiety myself.
 
NeedHaldol

NeedHaldol

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2017
Messages
185
The question is who do you love more?

Who is going to make you happy?

Do you want to struggle with his mental illness - do you love him enough to do so.

My wife found out I was sick and she stuck with me - really the only reason I got well. At the beginning of our relationship she said she wanted to find someone who would "stand in the fire with her". We did a lot of that and more.

We have been happily (except during my sickness, but enough) married for 9 years now. I cannot imagine my life without her and I love her more than life itself.

Who makes you think about a future together?
 
Drooo

Drooo

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2016
Messages
876
Location
UK
There are a few elements to this. First of all, you and your ex split up, which suggests things were difficult enough then to enable that split to happen, so it's important to remember honestly what that was. I have always liked the saying "Exes are exes for a reason". Secondly, you are with someone else but are still in love with your ex. That suggests that you don't have what you want with this new guy and that really, you are kind of leading him on. Thirdly, your ex has got back in touch and is saying everything is good. Think about that, it's like the Facebook psychology, you're not going to say everything is rubbish and you're miserable are you, no, you say everything is great. Fourthly, I personally feel that there can be a lure with regards to shared mental experiences. On the one hand it's nice to feel that you're able to relate to someone, but on the other hand it means a constant battle between yourselves to require care and to give care. That can be tough if you're struggling yourself. Fifthly, I've gone back to an ex before and I shouldn't have, a Leopard doesn't change its spots! :D
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
24,030
Location
England
Hi,
You should be with whoever you love, as long as it's a healthy relationship.
Your heart and head will help you make the right decision.
Take care
 

Similar threads

M
Replies
3
Views
514
Eigau
E
F
Replies
2
Views
925
forgotten
F
L
Replies
1
Views
500
Toasted Crumpet
Toasted Crumpet
F
Replies
2
Views
551
Nicola398
N
Top