Took an overdose yesterday, fallen off the edge.

[cloudberry]

Totally fell off the edge yesterday, took 27 x 50mg of Tramadol plus quite a lot of lager. Cant believe it didnt work. Took it at lunchtime, fell asleep, woke up early evening still alive. John came over, i told him what I had done and refused an ambulance as i hoped to die in the night. he just held me in his arms.

Felt like sh*t this morning, John called NHS direct to find out what they thought, they called an ambulance. Actually the staff were very good, very kind. Had yet another psychiatric assessment which I was pleasantly suprised i thought she was good and we both liked her.

She discharged me into Johns care so long as i stay with him, not back to my flat. If it hadnt been for him she would have kept me in (against my will probably). So i am once again indebted to John (my fiancee).

I think the on-going stress of the "tenant from hell" has finally got to me. Its cost me £700 in legal work to try and recover what she owes me (thousands), and she just threatens to sue me for harrassment if i take her to court.

Her mother, who is a magistrate, told the police I had assaulted her, when in fact she had assaulted me twice. The police interviewed me last week, but fortunately believed me and are refusing to press the charge.

These people are a nightmare. I am terrified of what they will do next. She has moved out but only five doors away. If I see her on the street she glares at me. She is playing the "accuse me of what she herself is doing to me" game. Tries to provoke me. I dont know what to do anymore.

Looks like they may get me a CPN and some CBT. The lady who interviewed me will ring me everyday as she thinks I am still a high risk.

Going to try and get some sleep now. Still in shock and itching all over my skin.

Best wishes to all here, love and light
cloudberry

 

[rollinat]

Sorry things are so tough for you cloudberry - sounds like your fiance is looking after you well. I hope you get more support from MH services, and that the business with your ex-tenant will soon be sorted.

Take care and I hope you sleep well.


Rollinat

 

[mad as a hatter]

sorry things have been so bad that u the tablets but it sounds like ur partner is great nothing worse than tennant from hell and i hope u sort that 2 i,m glad mh services r finally helping u sad it had 2 tk somethin like this for them 2 do so tho but do tk care ur self and stay safe

 

[Soren]

i'm so sorry cloudberry.

i'm glad that tennant has at least moved out though - i suppose thats one step in the right direction. it will be over eventually.

i hope there will be happier times ahead for you.

 

[cloudberry]

Thanks

Thanks to all who have posted encouragement, it really does help. Still recovering from the "crash", havnt eaten since Sunday, but will try and eat something today.

John and the psy nurse both think I would benefit from CBT. But my ex psychotherapist is blocking it and pointing me back into psychotherapy. I'll accept the new therapist but try and get him to recommend CBT.

Right now its just the usual "swimming through treacle" feeling. God I hate bloody depression!

 

[jamesdean]

Best wishes toyou cloudberry sorry to hear all this tragic stuff n the games she is playing it wouldof f****d my head up aswell so I understand how you feel x

 

[cloudberry]

Indeed!

Best wishes toyou cloudberry sorry to hear all this tragic stuff n the games she is playing it wouldof f****d my head up aswell so I understand how you feel x

Hi JD,

its a huge comfort to know that the game playing would also get another person down too. Sometimes I think its just me being weak and pathetic, but you are right, it would get anyone down.

The final straw was her mother pushing me out of her new shop then phoning the police and saying I had assaulted her! Thank god the police recognised straight away it was malicious and refused to act. The mother is a magistrate apparently. She should be struck off!

It does gall me to write off the thousands £'s she owes me. Infuriates me! She also stole fixtures and fittings belonging to me, even took the flippin loo-roll holder!!!

Next thing is to find a new tenant and a house to rent so i dont have to be near her anymore. She now rents a shop just five doors away...doh! Divine justice though, she has a really really dangerous and unpleasant landlord now.

Thanks for the lovely hug too, its done me good!!!

Here is one for you too

 

[Jo1760]

Hi Cloudberry,

I am sorry to hear things are so difficult for you at the moment. I hope you are able to take care of your self.

I Hope you manage to eat something today and keep your strenght up a little. Its good that your partner is being so understand and caring with you.

Rest, be strong and take care. You have been through a lot. Its such a big thing - Be kind to yourself.

Jo x x